Guess Who's Back. Back Again...

Crown and water at Nick's Cove on Tomales Bay

Sorry for the lack of posts last week, I was visiting BigSurprise. I think I may have mentioned at some point that she was pregnant with twins, but I don't think that I ever told you that she had them. 

On July 30, she gave birth to two precious baby boys. I feel in love with them with the first picture she sent, so when she mentioned that she needed a little help with the nursery and getting settled, it was a no brainer for me to head up there for a week of fun.

Lots of things happened and I hope that my visit helped her get organized enough that she is feeling better about it. We cooked a lot of food to put in the freezer. I fed her most meals while I was there. And I fell even deeper in love with the sweetest baby boys in Northern California!

The two-month photo shoot was more difficult than you would imagine. Baby E on the left. Baby K on the right.

Baby E and I fell in love immediately.

Enjoying bonus snuggle time with Baby K during the flight delay

I was set to leave on Friday. My plane was scheduled to depart at 2:30 pm, so we left the babies with the nanny and headed to Oakland. We got to the airport right around 1pm, said goodbye, and I headed inside to check my bag. As I was in line, a man came over and said that due to a maintenance issue, the flight would not depart until 8:00pm. 

Yes, you read that right - a 5.5 hour flight delay.

So I texted BigSurprise and we decided that she would come back and get me and we would head home for the delay.

Little did we know, it would take us forever to get home! The traffic was ridiculous!

Finally we made it, fed the boys, and basically got back in the truck and headed back to the airport.

I had already checked my bag earlier, so all I needed to do was go through security when I got back to the airport. 

Even so, we gave ourselves upwards of two and a half ours to get back to the airport.

As we got started, the traffic started to get bad. Like really bad. Like literally a full stop for multiple minutes bad.

BigSurprise is starting to get a little freaked out and I'm trying to calm her down. She keeps  saying, "You're going to miss your flight. What are we going to do if you miss your flight?"

In one of my strongest moments yet, I remained calm and told her that we couldn't worry about that. All we could do was keep driving and hope we made it on time. 

I plugged the airport address into the GPS and it said that we would arrive at the airport at 7:27pm. As we are sitting in dead stopped traffic, one of the babies starts crying hysterically. Then BigSurprise tells me to look at her gas gauge. It says "82 miles to empty." I tell her that we are only 31 miles from the airport. She says that once it hits 5o it goes to zero right away. 

Baby is still screaming and I'm starting to get a little stressed out myself. I ask her if I climb into the backseat if I can feed the baby. She says yes.

At this point I should tell you that she has an extended cab Ford F-150. And the baby seats are in the middle and behind the passenger seat. So when I get in the back, I'm going to have to be behind the driver seat.

I have no idea how I managed to get back there without hurting myself, but I did. And I begin feeding Baby K. And texting Match. (Isn't that what everyone does when they are freaking out?) Then I put my head down and say a quick prayer that we make it to the airport on time, and safely. And that we don't run out of gas on the way.

About two minutes later, BigSurprise says, "Oh my God, Airplane! Look at the gas gauge now!" I look around her headrest and see, "132 miles to empty." I start to breathe a little easier. Then Match texts me, "Every time you and BigSurprise are together it seems to be a 'debunkle'" I relay this message to BigSurprise and she asks, "Is debacle a synonym for clusterf*ck?"

As we cross over the bridge, the traffic starts to thin out and we begin making up time. About every 5 minutes, BigSurprise gives me an update, "Now it says we will arrive at the airport at 7:25 and we have 80 miles to empty." And so on and so forth. 

As we get closer, BigSurprise comes up with a plan. When we get near the airport she is going to unbuckle her seatbelt so that when we get there I can jump out, grab my stuff, and run to security. She will then go to the gas station and fill up and wait to hear from me that I am on the plane before she heads back home.

We pull up to the airport at 7:23 - I run to security. I am literally the only person there. The guy taking boarding passes says, "What time does your flight leave?" I tell him 8:00pm - he says, "You have plenty of time. No need to run."

I get to the gate, and they aren't even boarding my flight.

TMI, Friends. TMI.

I don't if we've had this talk before, but I'm leaning over the no side of the "ever having kids fence." I will be honest with you, I teeter a little. There are times when I think I would love to have kids, but those times are far outweighed by the times that I love silence. 

I obviously don't have to make the ultimate decision right now, so we're golden for the moment.

However, a large group of my friends have made that decision for themselves and babies are popping out at alarming rates.

Seriously, it is getting nutty and shows no signs of stopping.

A number of months ago, BigSurprise told me that she was expecting. A super exciting announcement considering what she went through to get there.

A bit after that reveal, she sent me a picture of an ultrasound and asked me what I saw.

Now, I won't lie to you, I'm REAL bad at reading ultrasounds! In college, I took a Reproductive Physiology class for the Animal Science portion of my major (and because I worked for the professor, so it was an easy way to get a good grade.) For an extra credit, you could take the lab. Which I did because I had a major crush on the TA. For that reason, I chose to join the group that was going to AI a horse, just because he was leading that group. (I know, I know. I had problems. Trust me, if you saw what this guy looked like, you would call a doctor for me immediately!)

Anyway, as part of the experiment we would have to ultrasound the horse like weekly or some such business. And every week, TA would ask what we saw on the screen. I never saw anything. Sometimes, I would just guess what we were supposed to see and yell out "follicle" or something. Seriously, it just looks like white noise to me.

But even with that kind of ultrasound history, I saw two babies on that picture and I almost died! 

Fast forward to a couple of months ago, and IT tells me that she's pregnant. And then a couple of weeks ago when she tells me that there are two babies in there.

So, two friends, with no history of twins in their families, and taking no fertility meds, are pregnant with twins.

What is going on in this world?!?!?

Apparently, (according to both of their doctors) once you hit 30, your chances of dropping multiple eggs increases. 

I'm about to hit 32 in a couple of weeks - my mind is quickly being made up!

These Taste Just Like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups...Yeah Right!

I'll take you on a little trip back in time for today's post. 

Way back when I was travelling quite a bit for work.

And I was on a trip to California - I can't remember what event I was there for, but I know that I spent the first part of the trip with Dirty and the second part of the trip with BigSurprise.

I believe that BigSurprise and I were heading to Nevada, but there was some off days in between events so I was staying the weekend at her house.

For some reason, we decided that we would take a day trip to Yosemite National Park. So we woke up in the morning, had a little breakfast and started on our way with a map and maybe a water bottle or two.

A couple of hours down the road, we realize that we are in the middle of nowhere and we have no food. And I am starting to get hungry.

Then BigSurprise remembers that she has these protein bars in her car so she gets one out and we are going to share it.

I'm a little skeptical - I really am not a big fan of protein bars. So I'm checking out the packaging and analyzing my options when she tells me, "Oh stop - I eat them all the time - they taste great! Just like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups!"

Fine. I open the package and can immediately smell the protein. This is not looking good.

I take a bite and I almost hurl! Literally, this most assuredly DID.NOT! taste like a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup! 

But we ended up having a blast and I never ate another Think Thin bar again!

One of the many pictures that we took of ourselves along the way. At one point we stopped at a designated photo spot and I asked someone to take our picture, complete with hand gestures. They looked like they spoke English, but they did not. So BigSurprise yells at me that I found the foreigners and they didn't even know what I was saying.

I assured her that the hand gesture I used was the universal sign for "take a picture."

At least she didn't tell us to say "chicken bone."

Oops, I Did It Again...

I was reading through old posts the other day and I realized that I already told you the story of SuperFan and the coconut-filled cookies...oops.

I was talking to Big Sexy today and she was telling me a hilarious story about her an event she had to attend last weekend for work. 

She works with men and they told her about the event, but didn't give her any real specifics, so she assumed it was like other events she attended and prepared for an outdoor event. 

She packed jeans and not fancy shoes, and put her hair up in a ponytail.

So she gets to the event and the guys are in khakis and blazers. 

It got me thinking about back in the days when I traveled with Honker. 

He would give me the general schedule of events we would be attending during the time we were together and I would pack accordingly. Then I would get on a plane and fly to California.

There was one time when we were traveling together for about a week, going to different events each night. I packed jeans and nice tops for the meetings because that is the kind of attire that was required.

So one night we get back to my hotel after the meeting and he's dropping me off and it's pretty late and he says, "Do you have anything nice to wear tomorrow?"

First of all, I'm offended by that comment. Everything he has ever seen me wear is nice.

Second of all, what?!?!

He says that we are going to have lunch the next day with a candidate for Governor and it would probably be good to wear something nice.

I said, "Well, I'll try. But I only packed for the events you told me about. And unlike you, I will be headed upstairs to the suitcase full of those clothes and not home to my closet with everything I own."

Men. I swear - they just don't get it.

Some Pictures

I thought you all might enjoy some pictures from this weekends wedding.

I wanted to put a few more up here, but I don't know how to edit pictures on Dirty's computer.

This was the "guest book" table. There were lots of pictures from their engagement session in the fire truck - SO adorable!

And how cute is that manzanita with the crystals hanging from it??

Our best attempt at the inside of the tent. It really does not do it justice though. The place was AMAZING!

The centerpiece. That orchid is suspended in water - so cool. The only problem was that the vase full of water was too big and I felt like I was looking at the person across the table through a fish bowl, but we managed to laugh hysterically all night so it didn't really slow us down.

Put Some Windex On It...

I'm back!

And if anyone wants to buy me a new computer so that I can keep up these posts, I would not say no.

Seriously, my computer got a virus or some such nonsense so I'm in the process of getting all of my files off of it and finding someone (Fiero) to fix it...

In the meantime, I can not wait to tell this story!

This past weekend, Dirty and I headed to Northern California for BigSurprise and Forrest*'s wedding.

Nothing that BigSurprise does is small so we were expecting a grand affair.

And that is what we got!

I think that I may have mentioned before that BigSurprise is Greek. And everything that you saw on My Big Fat Greek Wedding was the truth. Those Greek really know how to party.

I'll give you the story of Saturday's debauchery first and later this week I'll take you back in time to Friday's complete and utter chaos.

Saturday morning I wake up in the hotel room to the sound of leaves being blown against the window tornado-style. It was pouring rain and the wind was blowing everything to hell.

Did I mention that the wedding would be held outside?

Originally the reception was to be held in a tent, however, the ceremony was not. Plans had changed.

With nothing to do until we had to be on a 2:55pm shuttle to the wedding site, Dirty and I decided to take advantage of the wineries in the area.

As we drove north, the rain and wind got progressively worse. At one point I actually voiced to Dirty that I hoped that someone had provided BigSurprise with some downers. She has a tendency to get riled up.

At the first winery that we found open (who doesn't taste wine at 10 am??), a nice young gentleman helped us out and made sure we got the most of our tasting experience. At one point he tried to explain to us what a lingering finish was.

I'm not going to lie you to, we still don't know what it means, but we did agree that there were not many instances in which "lingering" was positive.

A few more glasses of wine and some lunch and we headed back to the show-tel.

Around the time we were supposed to be catching the first shuttle to the wedding location, we were trying to help Janiac get dressed so we didn't make it until the second shuttle.

Once we were off of the shuttle and into the tent where the ceremony would be held, champagne was flowing. I'm not kidding you.

When she was planning her wedding, BigSurprise told me that there would be alcohol available when people got off of the shuttle because, "I can't tell you how many times I've been sitting through a wedding ceremony and thinking, Damn, I could use a drink."

Not wanting to be party poopers, we enjoyed a glass or two of champagne.

This was bad idea number 1.

First of all, it was a logistical nightmare. Once we sat down in the folding chairs, we didn't have anywhere to set the glasses down if we needed to touch up our lipstick, remove our wraps, take pictures, etc.

Luckily, the ceremony only lasted about 12 minutes so we didn't have to worry about it for too long.

Next up, we headed for the reception tent. The decorations were beautiful, blah, blah, blah...

More importantly, there was an open bar. So we switched from champagne to whiskey...

...at 4:30 pm.

This was bad idea number 2.

In true party fashion, they got through the first dances and dinner quickly and got right to the party.


I will tell you quickly that BigSurprise's new husband is a fire fighter so when they came into the reception tent he was wearing his fire gear and they did the first part of their first dance to George Strait's Fireman it was real cute!


Once the music started everyone hit the dance floor and the shitshow began!


BigSurprise and her new MIL aren't really the best of friends. I won't go into the details here, but suffice it to say that their relationship is the stereotypical MIL/DIL relationship.


This woman is probably around the age of 65. She was wearing an old-ladyish dress and before the real dancing even started she was walking around wearing like three neck ties that I can only assume she took off of young gentlemen attending the wedding.


There happened to be one particular gentleman, who apparently works with Forrest. Before the sun went down he was breaking it down on the dance floor. And next thing we knew, he was taking his shirt off. Luckily, he had on a short-sleeved white undershirt.


Then he took that off. Luckily he had on a wife-beater.


Then he took that off.


And all of the sudden, Forrest's mom was wearing the short-sleeved undershirt over her dress.


About three minutes after that, she was riding around the dance floor on the back of the shirtless guy.


From there it was pretty much downhill.


If you've ever been to a wedding you can imagine how the hooking up game began.


And apparently it was successful for someone because I just got a text from BigSurprise that she found undergarments on the dance floor on Sunday morning.

Yes, I Do Have ESPN...

As you read in this post I have lots of weddings coming up.

And if you read this post, you know that Big Surprise was getting serious with her beau.

Well, as if on cue, Friday night I got a text from Big Surprise with this picture:

It looks like I'll be attending her Big Fat Greek Wedding soon!

I'm sure there will be more stories than I can record at that one...

Where Have I Been?

The truth is, I have no idea.

Let me pull out my color-coded calendar.

:)

Well, before my last post, Dirty and I traveled to beautiful Florence, Arizona for a wedding. Bunner and Banana were there, along with some other friends of this blog. We forgot to bring the address for the venue with us, so I got it from Banana on our way there. When we got into the car (running a little late) and plugged the address into the GPS to lead us there it took us to the front gate of the prison.

I'm not sure whether this was a sign or not.

But we turned around and got out of there as quickly as possible.

The wedding was fun. We were stuck at the outside tables for dinner, which was probably best because we were a little loud. The bartenders knew us as "the dos equis girls" and we made sure the dj knew how to properly keep people on the dance floor.

To say we enjoyed ourselves is an understatement.

The next night we went to dinner with Big Surprise (formerly EID). It was fun. Nothing too exciting to report, although I wouldn't be surprised if I was announcing her engagement here soon.

Sissy also turned 30 last weekend, but I'll save that story for another post.

What Does It All Mean?

(Warning: I'm about to get serious.)

I was reading a blog last night, and it made me think. (Scary, right?)

This person is an aspiring writer, and she is pretty good. She is clearly trying to get started by blogging, and that works for people.

As you read in an earlier post one of my life goals is to write and publish a book. I go back and forth on whether it would be fiction or non-fiction. Many of you know EID, and I am convinced that I could write a book based loosely on her life and it would be a hit. When I started this blog, I certainly didn't do it because I thought it would turn into a book. I actually didn't even know how many people would read it. Sure, I think my stories are funny, but would others?

And you may or may not know that some days I think that I want to go back to school.

The truth is, for all the smack I talk about SuperFan and her inability to make a career choice, I dream about doing something different every third day or so.

I really don't know what I want to be when I grow up. Because I want to be everything for a little while.

And I'm a little risk-averse. What if I go back to school and then don't like the job that comes from that? Is there a job out there that will make me happy? Not knowing for sure keeps me where I am.

So I've found myself wondering lately if I'm where I'm supposed to be.

That seems to be a waste of time.

Which brings me to my new goal - each day I am going to strive to be positive.

I am going to celebrate the fact that I got up that morning and could do whatever it is that needs to be done that day.

I am going to relish in the fact that I live in a country that affords me the freedom to dream and achieve.

I am going to smile, and hope that the world smiles with me.

And I am going to pray that I am right where I need to be.

A Christmas Letter...

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to EID and we were discussing Christmas cards and letters. Neither of us had pulled ourselves together enough to get cards out the door in time for the holiday. She asked me if I was going to send out a Christmas letter. I laughed.

What was I going to write? I started the year with one job. The economy sucks. I got a new job. The end.

And besides that - who cares what I have to say about the year that just passed?

Then I had lunch with my cousins this week and I started thinking about life and decided that I would write a letter.

You may still not care what I have to say, and that's fine. I'm writing it anyway.

Dear Family and Friends:

What a year!

I began the year in subzero temperatures in Nowhere, Nevada, working for the cattlemen. My travels for work took me all over the southwest. I made a lot of new friends (and probably a few enemies), but it was all worth it. I enjoyed every minute!

In March, due to a scheduling miracle, I was able to be at the hospital when nephew #2, TinySmalls, was born! I truly love being an aunt! It is very special and the love that I have for those two little boys overwhelms me sometimes.

In April, Bunner and Banana got married. It was a blast! Diddy and I danced up a storm!

In the beginning of June, I spent a week in North Dakota for work. I traveled all over the state and enjoyed it immensely. However, on the last day of my visit, when it started snowing, I was reminded of why I live in the desert! Give me sunshine and heat every day of the week!

Over Labor Day, I traveled to Squaw Valley with Dirty Shirley on a Girls' Weekend. It was an amazingly good time!

I continue to feel the tug of adulthood pulling from every direction.

I started a new job in October. The political bug started to rear it's ugly head and I couldn't stay away any longer. It has been a great move for me and I'm really enjoying what I'm doing!

I attended the funeral for a friend's mom in September and then walked in her memory in the Breast Cancer 3-Day in November.

A few friendships ended this year, which makes me sad. However, I have also made a number of new friends that I believe will continue long into the future.

As I look at my family, and the wonderful love that we share, I am reminded of how lucky I am.

I have had many blessings in life and I count each one of you among those.

I look forward to the many adventures that we will share in the years to come!

Much Love,
Airplane

Still Catching Up?

Apparently, I am still trying to catch up. I am very sorry!

I don't even know if anyone reads this blog anymore - and I'm sorry for that, because this is where it all started!

So, I'll just catch you up on a little bit of life - it may not be funny, but it'll be true...

As I mentioned in the previous post, I started a new job in October. I am now working for Red Baron, and I'm enjoying it greatly! I share an office with O'Connor* and he is pretty awesome!

Last month, I went to Reno with Dirty Shirley and we had a BLAST!! Probably drank a little too much, but you're only young once, you know? EID was there with her new boyfriend. He seemed nice enough, but really boring! And apparently having a boyfriend makes EID no fun. She went to bed early every night. I was highly disappointed.

The next weekend, Dirty and I participated in the Breast Cancer 3-Day in San Diego - it was a truly AMAZING experience. I participated in the walk in 2006 as well and it's funny how much you forget in three years.

This year I walked in honor of a good friend's mom, who passed away in September. I think that may have made the experience a little different for me.

Next weekend Dirty, Diddy, and I are headed to Vegas for the NFR. A good time is sure to be had by all!

An Arizona Adventure...Complete with Geronimo!

About a week ago, Dirty Shirley came to Arizona to visit me for my birthday. And since B-Town isn't all that fun, we decided that a tour around the northern part of the state was in order. We just didn't realize what an adventure it would be...

We started out bright and early on Friday morning, headed to the Grand Canyon. As luck would have it Dirty prepared herself for 103 degree weather, only to be met with something closer to half of that. It rained on us all the way to the GC. And not like a steady sprinkle - a torrential downpour! My windshield wipers could not keep up. (You may remember this same thing happening with EID last August.) And the best part of the whole deal is that we were both in shorts and t-shirts with no rain gear or jackets.

Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) the rain stopped once we got into the Park. As we made our way to the lookout point, we breathed a sigh of relief that we would be able to get out of the car without ending up as drowned rats. But we had to laugh as we walked up to the Canyon only to find it full of fog. You literally couldn't see to the other side. Or where the bottom was. Just in case you don't believe me:



So after about 10 minutes of that, we got back in the car and headed for Flagstaff. The plan was to have lunch, maybe shop a little, and then head to beautiful Holbrook, AZ for the night.

Plans changed. We got to Flag and it was still raining. But we bucked up and walked through it to get lunch at Diablo Burger, which was delicious. However, on our way to the restaurant we encountered some people splashing in the puddles with bare feet. And these people were not children - they were probably closer to mid-twenties and belong on the face punch blog!

After lunch we decide to forgo shopping and head to Holbrook and decide that if it is still raining when we get to Winslow, we'll stop at Wally World and get ponchos. As you can probably guess - it was still raining when we got to Winslow. (But I'll tell you right now that we never used the ponchos that we bought...)

When we got to Holbrook, Diddy and PapaBear weren't back from the ranch so we drove around town for a tour. And five minutes later we were back at the hotel (maybe we should go with motel) to wait. After everyone arrived, we headed across the street to the Empty Pockets saloon. The people there were so very entertaining! But alas, the boys were tired so we headed to bed to prepare for our morning at the ranch.

The trip out to the ranch was more eventful than the actual working. As it had rained most of the day before and all night, the roads were muddy. So we encountered some of our Native American neighbors stuck on the side of the road. The boys got out to help and Dirty and I stayed in the truck and laughed. The best part of the story is that they got stuck the night before and slept in the truck. Idiots.

After a morning of working cows, Dirty and I headed back the way we came. After watching 2000 sheep cross the Verde River and a quick stop to visit a friend, we headed to Prescott for the night.

We got to our hotel, and the man behind the desk had abnormally small hands. Literally, he could be a circus freak. Will it never end? Showered, changed and called a cab to Whiskey Row. This is where the fun began. As we stood against the wall playing our own version of "What Not To Wear," a small man came and stood next to us. You may remember this guy from Napoleon Dynamite, it was Pedro. If I'm lying, I'm dying. There is no way that the writers of that movie did not use this man as their creative inspiration for that character.

After a few drinks, Sweet Home Alabama came on and Dirty and I decided to head to the floor for a little dancing. All was going well until Geronimo decided that he wanted to dance with us. Trying not to be heinous bitches, we didn't turn and run. We played along for the remainder of the song while he spun us at the same time and then square-danced with us. Thinking back on it now, I can't remember if he ever said anything. Hmmm. So song ends and another good one comes on so Dirty and I start dancing again. Trying not to dance with him, but not being very successful. Then he grabs my hand and makes me dance with none other than Pedro. And besides the fact that Pedro couldn't dance AT ALL, he was kind of creepy. When the song ended and I said thanks, he just kept smiling and nodding his head. Next song, Dirty and I start swing dancing together - international sign for "We don't want to dance again with the freaks that we danced with last time." Apparently Geronimo and I don't speak the same international language and he pulled us apart and made me dance with Pedro again. I almost cried.

As the song was ending, Dirty told the G-man that we had to leave because our mom was there to pick us up. He asked if we'd be back tomorrow night and she said no. Then he proceeded to tell her that he would be at the square the next day blowing up balloons. Which was actually a nice warning for us to keep our eyes open. So we leave the dance floor and go get a couple of glasses of water at the bar, where we see Pedro buying a rose. Figuring that it was for me, we hide and then leave the bar in a hurry. Luckily, our buddy the cab driver was sitting at the curb and we jumped in were out of there. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, our 10 minute cab ride was very interesting.

So morning rolls around and we head downtown for breakfast. As we sit by the window in our restaurant enjoying our coffee, who walks by? Geronimo! Only he has apparently changed characters for balloon blowing and he is now Trapper Dan. I really don't think the guy is mentally stable.

After breakfast and a quick look around the shops, we left town headed for Wickenburg. After a pretty uneventful afternoon, we made our way back to B-Town.

That night, Diddy decided that he wanted to go to BWW for some wings and beer and we thought that sounded harmless enough. We were wrong. First of all, our waiter was like the butler in Mr. Deeds. He just kept appearing out of nowhere. Then, we ran into some people Diddy knows and one of the girls had a permanent bracelet, which just about made me throw up. Then, karaoke started. I can't even begin to tell you about the people who think that they can sing. And they were singing like it was open mic night at a bar in Nashville and they were going to get discovered by RCA. We laughed until we cried! And the best part of the whole thing is that the Karaoke Diva running the machine had a haircut inspired by the one pictured below:



I'm in North Dakota this week, so I imagine there will be some more stories to tell soon.

You'll Never Believe It...

Last weekend, I flew to Sacramento to surprise EID for her 30th birthday! She turned 30 earlier in the week, amid a major mental breakdown, and was spending the weekend at a conference in California's Capitol City.

So, on Friday afternoon, I boarded a plane at Phoenix Sky Harbor headed to Sac-town. Unbeknownst to EID, Auditor and I had devised a plan in which she would pick me up from the airport and we would surprise EID at the hotel.

I arrive in Sac, later than planned, due to a delay somewhere else in the world earlier that day. And it is raining. Not just a sprinkle that might let up soon - full on rain. And I didn't bring any rain clothes. My lucky day.

As I stand under cover, enjoying my snack of edamame, (did you know that you can't bring yogurt on the plane? It is considered a cream), my old boyfriend from "Stay Beautiful" found me. Seriously, I can not make this up.

I saw him out of the corner of my eye and immediately pulled out my phone to call Match.mom. For two reasons, really. 1. To appear busy so that he would not talk to me, and 2. To tell her what was happening. However, he walked up to me and stood there until I hung up. So I couldn't tell her that the crazy man who told me to stay beautiful was standing right in front of me.

I successfully blew him off, but I'm kind of scared to ever fly into that airport again...

A Year In Review

It's time for the obvious, "year in review" blog.

Following are the things that will define 2008:

- Making new friends and strengthening new friendships. Beginning with meeting RedShirt and ending with the one year anniversary of meeting Dirty Shirley*, EID, Honker, and Auditor*, 2008 was a great year for friendship!

- Reconnecting with an old friend after seven years. A highlight for sure!

- My first (and last) year as HOBY LSC. Which leads to standing up for myself and winning the battle with facts, not emotion.

- The IC. And the Vegas trip that can never be recreated.

- Hawaii. The hilarity, the beauty, the fun - this was a wonderful trip!

- Working on telling people the way that I feel. Even though the results weren't what I had hoped, the ability to be so honest about my feelings to others was refreshing.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2009:

- Trip to Maine with IT

- Bunner and Banana's wedding

- 10-year high school reunion

- Brand new nephew

You Had To Be There...

Just sit right back and you'll hear a tale, a tale of a fateful trip...

I wasn't on the USS Minnow, but it probably would have helped me last week as I drove from Globe to the airport to pick up RedShirt* so he could speak at our meeting on Friday.

It was going to be a long trip and EID agreed to ride with me to keep me company. Prior to leaving Globe, I got a call from my mom - she had forgotten her clothes at home and needed me to drive to her house (about an hour out of the way) before picking RedShirt up so that she wouldn't have to wear the same thing for the next three days.

So, off EID and I went on our adventure. Keep in mind that everyone else at the convention was going to have a steak dinner and then watch the Nitty Gritty Dirt Band in concert while we spent hours on the road. We were not excited.

As we drove through Superior it started raining pretty hard, which wouldn't normally be a problem, but Tyler* is due for some new wiper blades and I haven't had the time to get them yet. But we manage through the storm and continue down the road. About 15 miles outside of Apache Junction the sky got dark and the monsoon began. There was lightening everywhere and every ten minutes or so one would strike really close and practically blind us. Then all of the sudden we came to a complete stop. Literally - no one was moving. EID was freaking out - being from California she had never seen a monsoon before and she thought we were going to get struck by lightening.

It starts to become clear that we are not going to be able to make it to my parents' house to get the clothes - we may not even make it to the airport on time. So I call my mom to tell her that she needs to find someone to pick them up and bring them to me near the airport.

After about 30 minutes of sitting there, traffic begins to move again. Five minutes after that - the sky opens up and we are in a torrential downpour! Literally, even if I had wiper blades that worked, they wouldn't have been able to keep up with the rain.

My cousin, Clarendon*, had agreed to pick up the clothes and meet me near the airport. As EID and I make our way to the meeting location, we are wishing that we had a Go-Go-Gadget car that turned into a boat because the highway was literally beginning to flood.

To make a long story short, we get the clothes and head to the airport. Turns out RedShirt's plane can't land in Phoenix because of the storm so they have been diverted to Las Vegas. We decide to rent him a car and head back to Globe before we get stuck in a flash flood.

It rained on us all the way back to Globe, but we survived - barely.

The greatest part of this story is that on the way back to Globe my mom called to tell us about their night. They all walk over to the arena for the concert and get settled in. The band begins to play and then it begins to rain - really hard. (Apparently whoever built the arena didn't plan for it to ever rain because at one point my mom went to the bathroom and there was water coming out of the light fixtures. ) In the middle of the concert, the lights go out and water starts rushing into the arena, flooding the place. (Word on the street is that lightening struck, which caused the power outage.) The band decides not to go back on - you know that whole water-and-electricity-don't-mix thing - but no one can leave the arena because it is raining so hard outside. So they sit there in the dark with water running from one end of the place to the other. Gives a whole new meaning to "Fishin' in the Dark..."

A Logistical Nightmare...

So a while back, Diddy, EID, and I were having lunch together. If I haven't mentioned it before, EID is one of the funniest people I know.

Somehow we got on the topic of cats, and our hatred for the creatures. EID proceeded to tell Diddy and I the story of a party that she went to at a friend's house. Said friend had cats, and even worse, had an automatic litterbox - you know, one that sweeps the litter back and forth every 30 seconds or so - in the kitchen. So there they were at the party, in the kitchen, with all of the party food, and a litterbox stirring up litterbox dust every 30 seconds. According to EID - it was a logistical nightmare!

So in honor of that story, I've decided to craft a list of logisitical nightmares that I have run across recently:

• A small child wearing roller skates in the airport. No, I'm not kidding, folks. And I'm not even talking about those stupid shoes with little wheels hidden in the heels (which are a logistical nightmare in themselves). I am talking about full-blown, 4-wheel, roller skates. Did he have no other shoes to wear?
• A child who appeared to be no younger than 5 wearing diapers. Really? Does he still breastfeed too?

• A woman walking down the street with (and I'm not making this up) a bird cage strapped to the front of her. It was like a Baby Bjorn, but for a bird.

• People who don't look in the mirror before leaving their house - like a guy in cut-off jean daisy dukes. (Diddy would like to remind everyone - Check yourself before you wreck yourself.)

• Old people at the airport. No commentary needed.

• The women's bathroom at the Renaissance Glendale. I wish I would have taken a picture, but picture this - you walk in and the sinks are immediately to your right. You have to walk past the sinks (away from the door) to get to the paper towels to dry your hands. What civil engineer couldn't figure out that drying came after washing?
• This sink. Can you imagine the water spots on the glass?!?!?! And how awkward is the location of the hand towel?

This JUST Got Interesting...

I'm pleased to say that a week in California has left me with some good blogging material. I'm going to start out with a cast of characters for ease of posting and reading.

Honker*: Honker and I are affiliated through work and I will most likely see him on a semi-regular basis.

E85*: E85 is a new character, but we may be hoping that he comes into the picture more often.

Antique*: I met antique back in November at a meeting and enjoyed his company. We have a mutual acquaintance who lives in AZ.

EID*: EID is a girl that I met in November who is a sales rep for an ag company. She travels to many of the same events that I do.

My trip started out early on Tuesday morning with a flight to Sacramento. I had a meeting in Sac for most of the day and then I was scheduled to drive up to Red Bluff for the remainder of the week. There is an annual Bull & Gelding Sale in Red Bluff and I was going to join Honker and his crew in a trade show booth.

Wednesday was scheduled to be a pretty slow day, one of the girls and I were going to put the booth up and hold down the fort for the day. I had planned to spend most of my time checking out dudes and getting my bearings. After putting up the booth, we walked around a little and the staff girl introduced me to some folks.

Around lunch time E85 arrived.

E85 (to me): Hi, I'm E85.
Me: Hi, I'm Airplane, nice to meet you.
E85: I saw you yesterday at the summit, but I didn't know you so I couldn't say hi.
Me: You probably could have, it wouldn't have been much harder than it just was.

We talked a little more about what I was doing there, what he does, and other randomness. He realized that I was kind of a big deal and then went off to lunch.

Thursday was the day that Honker was scheduled to come up for the remainder of the weekend, no big deal, right? Wrong. Around lunch time he came to the booth and asked if I wanted to grab lunch with him - I was hungry so I agreed. We had lunch and then moseyed around the horse barn for a bit. We walked past a very small boy whose mother was trying to keep him from running away and then we stopped at the bottom of the bleachers to watch the horses show for a while. All of the sudden I look over and the little boy is running for me. Just before he got to me, his mom caught him, but he just kept staring at me and smiling.

Honker: He sure likes you.
Me: Yeah, I have a way with younger men.
Honker: I can see why.

I go on about my business ignoring his comment, until later that evening the following conversation ensues:

Honker (to me): Do you have plans tonight?
Me: No
Honker: Ok, well I have to meet some folks for dinner, but why don't you give me a call later if you want to go out.
Me: Ummm, ok. (Thinking to myself - you have dinner plans, I don't - why don't you call me when you're done with dinner.)

We finish closing up the booth and he tells me and the other girl that he'll see us tomorrow, then looks at me:

Honker: Unless you get bored later and need someone to talk to.
Me: Yeah, I'll call you if I get sad and lonely.

I was so confused by him that I got some dinner, went back to my hotel room and did some work on my computer without calling.

Friday night is the big night at this week long event. It is the night of the horse sale and apparently it is a drunkfest. I have to admit that I had been looking forward to it all week. But the fun started much earlier in the day. During the dog sale, EID and I went in to take a look at what the dogs were selling for. (Just in case you were wondering the high dog went for $16,300. And no, I did not add an extra zero on there...) While we were fighting our way to the front of the crowd we saw Antique. We both swooned, righted ourselves, and kept watching the show.

(Let me give you some back story on Antique. As I mentioned above, I met him at a meeting in November. He lives in CA and works for a cattle ranch. After meeting him, I checked if he was a member of my organization and he wasn't. Any time I meet someone who is in the industry, but is not a member, I try to follow up with a note and an application. So I did this for Antique - a simple note that went something like, It was nice meeting you at the CCA meeting. Our records indicate that you are not a member, I have enclosed an application and my card, please give me a call if you have any questions. I hope to see you in Reno in February.

So Christmas rolls around and I see our mutual acquaintance at an event and he basically tells me that because of my letter, Antique is going to Reno. I was stoked, if not a little confused.)

Back to Red Bluff - let me mention right now that it has now rained for most of Thursday and all of Friday, so the ground is flooded and there is water everywhere. The horse sale is set to start at 5, with doors opening at 3:30. All is going as planned until 4:30 rolls around and the power goes out. There is no power in the trade show tents and no power in the sale pavilion. We wait around a while for it to come back on, and when it doesn't, Honker, another staff girl, and I decide to go to dinner. We walk out to the parking lot together and then decide that we should consolidate and only take one car. I'm at a different hotel than they are so Honker tells the other girl to go to their hotel, he'll pick me up at my hotel and then we'll meet her there. Then he turns to me and asks, What is your room number? WHAT? Why would he need my room number? Just go to my hotel and I'll meet you in the parking lot. I literally freaked out! Luckily, you needed a key to get into the building where the rooms were so I was safe, for now. I ran up to my room, changed socks, combed my hair, and went back downstairs to meet him.

Again, I thought that we were going to just run by there and pick up the other girl. I was so very wrong. We pull up to the hotel and he parks. I kind of follow along and then we get in the elevator and start going up to the second floor. Now I'm getting concerned. We walk down the hall and he unlocks his room and holds the door open for me to go inside. I delay a little and say something like, I don't want to invade your private space. He didn't seem concerned so I walked in and sat at the chair at the desk and began furiously texting Diddy. He follows me into the room, sits down on the bed and makes a phone call. He starts talking to the person on the other end of the phone about tile and plumbing. He hangs up the phone, looks at me and says, That was my contractor. So I ask if he's remodeling and he tells me that he bought an apartment complex and he will show me pictures if I want. (Is he trying to impress me?) He then realizes that he forgot his computer in his car and runs down to get it so he can send an email.

Dinner was uneventful, and we decided to go back to the sale after to see what was going on. The other girl said she didn't feel well and she wanted to go back to the hotel, so it was just me and Honker again. I had already decided that I wasn't going to drink that night because I was in a strange place and I like to have my bearings about me. So we go to the sale and walk around. Honker starts drinking and keeps asking me if I want a drink. I continue to say no, sure now that he is trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me...

At the sale, I run into Antique again. He isn't drinking either and we spend some time people watching and talking about Reno. After a while, Honker and I decide we've had enough of the horses and we're going to go to the bar. There are two college kids who are interested in joining us, and I obviously get nominated to drive everyone in Honker's car.

The bar was somewhat uneventful compared to the ride home. When the bar closed, me and the college kids went out one door, but Honker had to get his jacket so he said he'd meet us at the car. We're sitting in the car and the college kids have this conversation (just keep in mind, they are wasted and I am sober):

College Boy: Do you guys mind driving me back to the fairgrounds?
Me: Not at all.
College Girl: Thanks, I'll need to get my car there to go to the hotel.
CB: Are you sure you're ok to drive?
CG: Yes.
(we have a long discussion about me taking her to her hotel and him picking her up in the morning to go back to the sale.)
CB: Wow, I had way too much to drink.
CG: (laughing flirtily) You did drink a lot.
CB: I'm going to feel like a jackass if I wake up my sister and her kids when I go into the motor home.
CG: (clearly the stupidest girl EVER - doesn't pick up on his hint that he wants to go to her hotel) You don't act drunk - they probably won't know.
CB: Ok.
(around this time Honker gets to the car with two other VERY drunk guys who are staying at his hotel.)
CB: I'm going to feel like a jackass if I wake up my sister and her kids when I go into the motor home.
Honker: I have an extra bed - you can stay with me.
CB: Really? That would be great.
Honker: Yeah, that's fine.
CB: Thanks.
CG: (Just now catching on to how stupid she was before) If you could just take me to my hotel that would be great.

So we take her to her hotel, which is actually closer to where I'm staying than where all of the boys are going to stay. Then we go to the boys' hotel and make a plan for the morning pick-up and I head home for some sleep.

Yesterday, things went alright, I picked them up from the hotel in the morning and went to the sale.

At some point during the day, E85 came back and we joked around about how he couldn't stay away from me then he decided that he would go to Reno for my organization's annual convention in February.

The good news for you, my dedicated fans, is that Honker, E85, and Antique will all be in the same place again. The bad news for me is that my life is out of control!