No Good Way

Match and I at the Buckeye Hawks football game. It was like a production to get this picture taken.

Yes, friends, it is Friday night. And I am blogging.

Tonight I went with Papa and Match to Munchkin's FFA BBQ and then to the Buckeye Hawks football game!

It's ok to be jealous of how totally awesomely exciting my life is!

(That line up there just reminded me of a guy who bought the house I grew up in. His name was Toad Lee - and Sissy, YogaHippy, and I used to call him Toad Lee Awesome. Because, why not?)

Either way, as I mentioned, we started the night at the FFA BBQ, where they served the most disgusting BBQ meat that I have ever eaten and corn on the cob.

So we were sitting at a table with the family and PieRanch said, "I hate eating corn on the cob in public."

Which reminded me of the time we were at the Cattle Growers convention and there was this guy I had a major crush on. So we were in the dinner line together and they were serving corn on the cob. We both got a piece.

Then we went to find a seat and there were no tables with empty seats (have I already told you this story?), so we sat at a table alone and were enjoying our dinner and random conversation.

When he said, "You know, there really is no good way to eat corn on the cob, is there? You just have to make out with it."

What?

How awkward is that?

If I Ruled The World

As many of you know I have a firm belief that if everyone would just come to me for suggestions on how to live, the world would be a much happier place. I have often thought that I should be a life coach as a career (of course there are some people out there who say that I am a little too harsh for that to work...). I am confident that after reading the below post, you will agree that I should rule the world.

As I was waiting in the security line at the Reno Airport this morning, a number of suggestions for improved efficiency (and ways to make me a less angry traveler) came to me. I will list them below. If anyone has a direct link to God or Congress or perhaps the Administration of the Reno/Tahoe Airport - please feel free to pass these along.

1. Create a separate line for idiots, old people, people who have been living under a rock since 9/11/01, and anyone else whose stupidity causes the security lines that I am standing in to move at a snail's pace.

-On a side note: the guy sitting behind me at the gate right now has just dropped the F-bomb no less than 20 times in 3 minutes. I won't go into the reason for his tirade, but let's just say that he could probably benefit from some anger management classes. (Perhaps the fact that he is wearing multicolored striped socks and red clogs is one reason for his explosive anger - I don't know.)

(Back to my suggestions for the world...)

2. On Saturday mornings, (which seem to be very busy travel days here in Reno/Tahoe) have a reasonable number of mags open. I'm not saying we need to fully staff all security points on Tuesdays at 2 pm, but let's use a little common sense and figure that weekends are going to see a lot of travelers and one magnetometer is not sufficient.

3. Threaten security and gate employees with their lives if they so much as think about creating small talk with the people in line. I'm all for customer service, but your job is to move people through your respective area in the airport and telling us about your new collectors coin (why you would even think we care about that is beyond me) does not help you accomplish this job.

That should do it for this trip, but I would like to mention that I just watched a guy put a whole banana in his mouth and it freaked me out a little bit.

Alright, maybe I'll go put a dollar in the penny slots and see if I can win something...

UPDATE: I won $15 in the penny slots - I ROCK!!!

A Scenic Place to Rendezvous

Last weekend it was up to Jackson Hole, WY for my first event for the new job. In an effort to save some money, I flew in to Salt Lake City and rented a car to drive the 5 hours to J-Hole. I love road trips, so I was pretty excited about driving through a part of the country that I've never been before.

My flight was set to leave at 7:11 am, so I was up before the sun and at the airport with about an hour to kill. Due to sushi the night before, I hadn't watched Grey's yet so I figured this would be a good time to catch up on the internet. Wrong. The announcement guy at the airport felt the need to provide us with the most unnecessary announcements all morning. At one point, the following announcement actually interrupted my viewing experience: "The airport chapel is located on the second floor of Terminal 3." WHAT? There are a number of things wrong with this announcement:

1. It is Friday morning around 6:15 - why does anyone care where any chapel is?
2. Why is there a chapel in an airport?
3. If you are the kind of person who goes to the chapel in an airport, don't you ask where it is? Not just wait for a random announcement to come on and tell you where it is...

Furthermore, did that announcement spur anyone to get out of their seat and go to the 2nd floor of Terminal 3??

Without finishing Grey's due to the asinine announcements, I boarded the plane (which was a majority empty proving my point that no one actually wants to go to Salt Lake City). The plane ride was mostly uneventful, the same cannot be said for the rental car counter in Salt Lake.

I was carrying my Virginia is for Lovers bag (what? it's a great travel bag...) waiting for my turn at the counter. The couple in front of me finishes their transaction and the gentleman working for Alamo looks up at me and says, (I am not lying about this) "Come here, Lover." WHAT??? Don't worry, it gets better. So this guy looks like Chris Farley singing "Fat Man in a Little Coat" and he is grinning ear to ear at me. I give him my reservation sheet and my license. He asks for my phone number and says, "You might want to say it quietly, he (pointing to the other man behind the counter) may take it and start calling you." Seriously? Can we just finish this process and get me the keys to my car? Oh we can, and we can give me the keys to a Chevy Cobalt...

I get situated in my clown car and head on down the road to Wyoming. The scenery did not disappoint, the leaves were starting to change and the mountains were beautiful. (I did feel a little like I was in Big Love though because large suburbans with dark tinted windows were all over the highway.)

I stopped in Pocatello, ID for lunch and had a most delicious meal. (I am kind of a nerd and I look everything up on the internet prior to doing it, so I found the restaurant before I got there.) As I drove along the Snake River in ID, I decided that having a second home in this part of the country would be divine!!

On Scenic ID-31, I enter Victor, ID, where the sign actually says, "A Scenic Place to Rendezvous." Which I thought was most interesting considering there was nothing in this town. I don't even think there was a hotel. However, once I got to Main St. I did feel like I had driven into 1934 - it was a little crazy.

The Cobalt didn't love the 10% Mountain Grade through the Teton Pass, but we made it and headed into town to check in at the hotel. (Because of the timing of my hiring and this meeting, I wasn't able to get a room at the hotel where the meeting was being held and instead found my hotel on hotels.com.) It turns out - this was not a hotel - it was a condo complex. Seriously, I was staying in a one-bedroom full condo.

I have decided that this is place and time for IT Girl and I to take our next vacation. The scenery was beautiful, the weather (while a little cold) was nice, and the men were MEN! (But I think we'll skip the Alamo counter at SLC Airport.)

Speaking of Airplanes...

So, there I am on the red eye to Boston for the long weekend. Who would have thought that it would be a packed flight? Certainly not me, I take red eyes to avoid crowds. But as luck would have it, this was a full flight leaving Phoenix at 9:45 pm. Once I get on the plane, I settle into my window seat with my blanket and my book and hope to fall asleep soon (once the Tylenol PM kicks in). Yet again, the universe had different plans for me. Sitting next to me was Beatnik*, a man from San Francisco, headed to Nova Scotia. Next to Beatnik, was DB*, who apparently came from Orange County and was headed to Boston to visit his family. The following conversation actually took place:

Beatnik: Man, I'm going to need some beers to get to sleep on this plane.
DB: Yeah, man, I'd be drinking, but I'm literally penniless until my direct deposit goes through at midnight.
Beatnik: I'll buy you a beer, man.
DB: Really? That'd be great.
Beatnik: I'll buy you two.

WHAT??? Unfortunately, they were not kidding, and they proceeded to talk about the most random, convoluted things that a person could think of. Willie Mayes? Check. Possoms? Check. (Did you know they are marsupials?) Xanax and the merits of using it while travelling? Check. Cell phone chargers? Check. Irish Potato Famine? Check. Check.

I can not make this shit up. These men literally talked from Phoenix to Boston and invaded the dreams of my fitful sleep.

Please take the following lesson from my experience: If you want to get to know the person sitting next to you on a cross country red eye flight, please do it in an inside voice and be respectful of those around you trying to sleep. If you can't do these two things, please try to at least have an intellectual, relevant conversation...