Sage Four-Year-Old Wisdom

I took Biggie and Tiny to see Turbo last week. There is a part in the movie where one of the girl snails tells one of the boy snails, "You're going to be my boyfriend and I'm going to call you Boo."

So on the way home we were talking about the movie and the remainder of my weekend. I was going to a convention and there were going to be a couple of guys there who may be potential suitors.

Biggie was talking about two of them being my boyfriend so I asked him how many boyfriends I can have.

He said, "You can have three."

Then Tiny pipes up, "No, you can have one hundred!"

So I say, "Should I tell him, 'you're going to be my boyfriend and I'm going to call you Boo.'?"

Biggie: Yes! Say that! Please say that!

Me: Do you think it will work?

Tiny: Yes! But if it doesn't, just call him whatever he wants.

Clearly Tiny is wise beyond his four years.

It Depends What the Meaning of the Word 'Is' Is

On Friday afternoon I stopped by Sissy's house to visit with the babies. When I pulled up, Biggie had just walked outside to visit the neighbors and he told me, "SisterSmalls just fell off the chair and bumped her head. She's crying a lot!"

When I went in the house, I encountered Sissy and SisterSmalls, and he was right - she was crying a lot! The three of us walked upstairs to see Tiny and that's when I noticed that Sister was acting a little funny and her eyes were kind of dilated. 

At that point we went downstairs for Sissy to call her pediatrician and Biggie came back in the house. When she hung up the phone I asked her what they had said.

Sissy: They said to keep an eye on her. Make sure her pupils are the same size, she doesn't vomit, and that she is acting appropriately.

Biggie: Acting appropriately? Like not taking her pants off in the middle of the road?

A little while later we were sitting on the couch.

Biggie: Aunt Airplane, do you know that song about California. With all the states?

Me: No, I don't think I do.

Biggie: See, Mom. I told you she wouldn't know.

Sissy: She knows, you just aren't explaining it very well.

So we go through a whole process where I ask him to give me some other clues about the song. What kind of music? Country. Did you hear it on the radio? Yes. Does it have all of the states in it? No.

And I start guessing songs, to no avail.

Then, I start googling things and I find it!

Jake Owen, Anywhere with You.

Biggie brings me his iPod touch and asks me to download the song for him.

Sissy: I told you Aunt Airplane would know the song.

Biggie: She didn't know it at first.

Me: Come on - all you gave me was, "It has California and other states in it." Based on that, I think I did pretty good. Uncle Bunner is always doing that - calling me and saying, "Airplane, what is that song? A guy sings it and it has 'and' in it."

About five minutes later:

Biggie: Oh, and I need that song that Papa likes from the Voice.

Me: Do you have anything else?

Biggie: The two brothers were singing it. And it has 'and' in it.

And he said it with a straight face.

And if you were wondering, SisterSmalls was fine.

They Say It's Your Birthday...

It's my birthday too now!

I'm 32 years old today.

And outside of the lingering pain in my right hip, I feel better than I can ever remember!

(I'm going to see someone about that hip.)

I have decided that this year will be the year of fitness for me.

Kind of like I was born in the year of the Rooster - this year I will live the year of fitness.

For that reason, I started today with a bikram yoga class.

I'm not going to lie to you - I didn't love it. But I didn't outright hate it either.

I am going back tomorrow and hopefully the stretching will help my mobility in CrossFit and I'll see improvements there.

I'll keep you updated.

Then I went to my parents' house and ate a paleo Samoa donut for breakfast...

It was delicious and Match is the best mom EVER for making them for me!

After coming home for a quick shower, I headed back to Match and Papa's house for my birthday party.

When Biggie arrived, he gave me the card that he made me, and made me cry!

Besides the fact that I am the best "ant" ever. It says that "you look beautiful how you are now."

Seriously, I'm not quite sure he could have written anything more wonderful in that card.

All of the gifts and cards that I received were wonderful, but that card and the one behind it from Tiny are two that I will cherish forever!

Tiny Adventures

Biggie is a proud graduate

On Thursday, Biggie "graduated" from kindergarten and on Friday, Tiny "graduated" from preschool. So I planned to spend the two days in M-Town with the Smalls Family.

After graduation on Thursday, I told the boys that I would take them bowling as their gift from me. Turns out, I'm a pretty good bowler, but that's another story for another day.

Each time it was my turn to bowl, if I didn't bowl a strike with the first ball, Tiny would pat me on the leg as I got my second ball and he would say, "You can do this, Aunt Airplane, I believe in you."

Tiny is ready for bowling! I told him he needed to bring socks. He preferred to put them on with his crocs.

I mean really - could this kid be any more adorable?

The answer to that question, is yes.

Because before we left for bowling, we were all hanging out in the living room when Tiny asked me: "Aunt Airplane, are you old enough to buy kids?"

Me: Ummm - yeah, I guess so.

Tiny: You should get some.

Me: If I have kids, I won't be able to spend as much time with you.

Tiny: Yeah, because I can just come to your house.

Me: Tiny, you can come to my house now.

Tiny: No, only if you have kids.

About ten minutes laters he was in the kitchen with Sissy and he said, "Mom, should we get Aunt Airplane some kids?"

###

On Friday afternoon I told the boys that I would go swimming with them. Biggie and I had already gotten into the pool and it was COLD!

So, finally Tiny comes out ready to swim and he steps onto the first step and says, "Are you kidding me? It is f**king cold!"

###

And just because - here is a random picture of BabyBunner and me.

BabyBunner is quite possibly the most serious child on the planet.

Miscellany Monday...Full of Pictures

Welcome to lazy Monday. Otherwise known as the recurrence of Miscellany Monday on my blog.

This one is going to be extra lazy because I'm going to just post a bunch of pictures of things I did over the weekend...

one

a day at the county fair

Match, Papa, and I took Biggie, Tiny, and two cousins to the County Fair on Friday to ride a few rides (and drive me bonkers). There weren't many rides that one cousin was tall enough to ride, so he and Tiny ended up on the dropping frog ride that Tiny can't seem to decide if he likes.

In the picture above, as the ride goes to the top, he seems to really be enjoying himself.

Then it drops...

Not so great anymore...

two

God bless the USA

On Thursday evening, Glinda texted me about a swim meet that was going down on the east side of town all weekend.

You all may remember that I am a HUGE fan of swimming!

So we decided that on Friday evening, we would head over to the pool to take in the finals.

And take them in, we did! We actually had so much fun that we left Beauty and the Beast on stage early on Saturday to catch the final meet...

Tell me you don't appreciate the beauty of those swimmers...

And I'll tell you that you're a liar!

three

biggest loser

A couple of girls from work and I went to see Jillian Michaels speak yesterday afternoon. 

I'm a big fan of her from BL, and I was (not so)secretly hoping that Danni would show up. (She didn't :()

Either way, we ran into the first female winner of BL in the lobby, Ali Vincent, and got our picture with her. Then I wanted to get back in my car and head to the gym.

She looks phenomenal!

four

not the weekend

Last week, a friend of mine called to ask if I wanted to fill a seat at a table he had that evening. For some reason, I agreed to it.

I didn't have any choice but to attend in what I was wearing, so when SuperFan, Sissy, and I showed up and looked like we coordinated our outfits, we had to get a picture taken.

 

Show Me The Money

Disclaimer: I don't think I've told you this story before. I checked the archives and I couldn't find it, but that doesn't mean it hasn't happened. If you have already heard it, enjoy it again. It still makes me laugh.

One morning, after I had stayed the night at Sissy's house, I was taking Biggie to the grocery store. We had to get some groceries for his mom and we were going to get him some donuts (obvi). 

So as we are driving the following conversation takes place:

Biggie: Aunt Airplane, how much money do you have?

Me: I don't have any money with me, buddy, I left my purse at the house.

Biggie: No, but like, how much money do you have?

Me: I told you, I only have your mom's credit card to get the groceries, I left my purse at the house.

Biggie (getting agitated): No! Like, how much money do you have? Not just right now. Like, do you have $200?

Me: Umm, yeah, I have $200.

Biggie: Can you get me a scooter for Christmas? It costs like $150.

Me: You better go ahead and ask Nona (Match.mom) and Papa(Bear) for that.

Biggie: Nona and Papa don't have that much money!

Me: Biggie, I think it's time we had a little talk...

Everything Makes Music

I may or may not have told you somewhere along the line that Giraffes Can't Dance is my favorite children's book of all time. 

I probably have it almost memorized. And I have special voices (to the extent that I can do voices) and inflections at certain times. I have read this book to Biggie so many times that he can probably recite it to you verbatim.

I love this book!

So last week, when I got an email for the Mayor asking if he could take part in the "Read Across America" Program at a local elementary school, and he couldn't do it, I volunteered.

(Wow - that was a lot of sentence up there...)

Today was my day to read to a second grade class and I, obviously, chose Giraffes Can't Dance. (Sneetches by Dr. Suess was a VERY close second - what can I say? I like a book with a message.)

So I showed up at the classroom about 5 minutes early and the class was just getting back from PE. I stood off to the side so the teacher could get everyone in line and give them their next instructions. Once they were all in the class, she asked me how to pronounce my name and if I was a Miss or a Mrs.

The she showed me inside to the chair where I would sit to read.

The students were taking care of business and putting assignments away and clearing off their desks while I waited. When they were finished, she announced to the class, "This is Miss Airplane, and she is here to read to us today for 'Read Across America' week. She is the Assistant to the Mayor." And when she said that, all of the kids gasped, like they knew what Assistant to the Mayor meant and it was some big deal.

I giggled a little inside. 

Then she told them that they needed to move to the carpet as quietly as possible and sit criss-cross-applesauce so that I could read them my story.

While everyone was getting situated, another student returned from running an errand and when she sat down the girl next to her whispered, very dramatically, "She's going to read to us and she's the assistant to the Mayor."

I giggled again.

Then I explained to them that today I brought my favorite book along and I would be reading it to them.

Then I started...

"Gerald was a tall giraffe, his neck was long and slim..."

And they were enthralled! They laughed at all the right parts. I changed my voice at all the right parts. 

It was a smash. 

When I finished they all clapped for me and then sat there staring at me with admiration and wonder in their eyes.

The teacher came up and thanked me for taking the time to read to them and handed me a certificate and a couple of gifts.

As I got ready to leave, one little boy broke the silence and said, "You are a very good reader."

My day was made. I wanted to sit there and read to him for the rest of the afternoon!

I wanted to go back to the office and ask if any other classes needed readers.

"What's Thursday look like? I can come in and move from classroom to classroom."

Winning

Today I took part in the PF Chang's Rock'n'Roll Mini Marathon with Arizona Team Beef.

We had people in the Mini, the Half, and the Full Marathons. 

It was Banana's first race ever and she did the Mini with me - and she rocked it!

For me, I had a semi-secret goal of running the 5.4 miles at a 9:30 pace. Semi-secret because I only told one person about it. Everyone else heard that my goal was a 10:00/mile pace.

I unofficially finished the race in 51:14, which comes out to a 9:28/mile.

I was pretty proud of myself.

We were having some family bonding time at Sissy's house yesterday and when it was time for me to say goodbye, Biggie asked me why I had to leave.

I told him that I had to go pick up my race number. He then asked me if I ever won a race.

I said that I had.

He asked me how many races I won.

I told him every one that I started.

So when I got my medal at the finish line today, I took a picture and sent it to him via iMessage to his iPod touch with the message, "I won another medal!"

He responded, "Awsome cool good job"

Then he sent this picture: 

I'm pretty sure that means he's proud of me.

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving week so I'll enlighten you all with a few things for which I am thankful...

5 am Crossfit workouts. Because they have changed my life, but also because after them I head to Diddy's house to shower and get ready. Then we eat breakfast together, which is always a hilarious occasion. 

This picture:

Because on Monday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know why, but I was just in a bad mood. And this picture made me laugh hysterically. Can someone please tell me why IT and Ikea appear to be slow dancing and to the right of them, DVL and I both have one hand in the air, and appear to be rapping? 

Seriously, I am still laughing!

These four:

Because Biggie made me an aunt for the first time and I've never felt so much love. Because Tiny is a mini-me and I love every bit of it. Because SisterSmalls is a tiny baby diva, but when she falls asleep in your man arms, it melts your heart. Because Match knows just when to support me and just when to call me on my bullshit.

This guy: 

Because he is the most kissable baby on the planet and when he smiles at you, you just know that everything will be right in the world.

In Which the First Step is Admitting You Have a Problem

You guys, I have a problem!

Remember last week when I told you I was starting a new program, complete with a sticker chart?

Well, that went swimmingly for a day and a half. I earned three stickers.

And then I had to have blood drawn on Thursday so I couldn't work out Tuesday afternoon or all day on Wednesday.

Then I left for California on Friday.

And despite a grueling hike up the railroad tracks and an unexplained knee injury, I'm fairly certain I did not do enough exercise to earn a sticker. 

Yesterday morning, I woke up at 4:06 and made it to the gym. I nearly threw up during the warm up - the freaking warm up - and the unexplained injury was not conducive to front squats. I did finish the workouts though and earned another sticker.

Then I took a shower and went back to sleep for 3 hours.

I decided that I would run tonight.

Then I got to the gym this morning to find today's WOD was the 6x400m runs. (I was not as fast as the last one, but not as slow as the first.)

Needless to say, my legs are killing me.

I don't want to get dressed and go for a run.

I have a Tabatas 4 Tatas Burpee WOD to do, but I can't make myself do that either.

Someone help me!

I need motivation!

The stickers aren't working!

I think it because I'm old...

What Not To Say

In my next life I am going to create a series of classes to teach men what not to talk about on dates.

Oh, and how to read social cues.

I think I told you previously about a date I went on way back when and the guy talked about installing a dishwasher. 

Don't get me wrong, I'd like a guy who can do some of those handy things around the house, but let's save that scintillating conversation for date #2 or 3.

I've been on a few dates in the past couple of weeks and I have encountered a few things that I really feel like I need to share.

Date 1: A blind date with a software engineer. Who could not make conversation.

Seriously, I would ask a question - for example, so, do you get out to DC often to visit your sister?

He would respond, no.

Ok, would you like to expand? Or maybe ask me a question?

At one point, after I had asked probably 5-8 questions that he had answered in a similar way, he asked, What about you?

What about me, what? Do you want me to answer all of the questions I have posed for you? Just the last one?

That was until he told me that he was preparing to travel out of the country soon. And then talked to me for 15 minutes about if I was ever planning to travel out of the country, the Capital One Visa was the way to go.

And discussed with me all of the pros and cons of that particular credit card.

Seriously?

And he didn't even work for them - he worked for Wells Fargo...

Date 2: A date with a gentleman who chose to communicate with me during an eHarmony free communication weekend.

There were some yellow flags before I agreed to go on the date with him, but Sissy and Match told me that I need to stop finding reasons not to date people, so I agreed to meet for lunch.

His initial blow was dealt when he showed up in these shoes:

Wow, having just googled "mens velcro sandals" to find that picture, I discovered that those shoes cost $75. For the record, men, they are not worth it!

Just say no!

The date was awkward, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and I texted him when I got home to say thanks for lunch and that I enjoyed myself.

He texted back, nothing profound. I texted Monday morning (see, trying to be nice and encourage communication). Tuesday I was at dinner with Diddy and he called. I didn't have time to get back to him that night.

The following morning he texted - I'm attaching a screen shot of the text so you can see exactly how it was typed:

While I agree that it is very nice for him to communicate so well, the neediness that is the undertone of this text makes me want to stab my eyeballs out! 

I don't do needy.

I did call him back on Wednesday to give him the second chance he asked for. He did not redeem himself.

Needless to say, this has fizzled out.

Date 3: A blind date with an engineer. 

In a quiet restaurant where he frequently talked too loud! And told me no less than three times what grocery stores could be found in Omaha, NE and also near his house on the east side of the Phoenix metro area. And asked me what grocery stores were close to my house.

Grocery stores, people.

I know that I show everything on my face and I am fairly certain that my face was not showing interest at a listing of grocery stores.

Also, he started talking about bad parts of town (in Omaha) and how it was where the African Americans lived.

(Remember how I said he talked too loud in a quiet restaurant?)

I was mortified.

Did you ever see the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte goes on a date and runs into Carrie? The date is not going well so she asks Carrie to call her to tell her something bad happened. And she answers the phone and literally says, "Oh no, something bad happened?"

I was wishing for that phone call.

When I got back to Match's house after the date, Biggie asked me, "The date didn't go good?" I told him it did not.

Biggie: You didn't like him?

Airplane: No

Biggie: What did he look like?

Where did that even come from?

Match told the boys that my problem is that I'm too picky.

But I get to be. This is the rest of my life we are talking about. I'm not going to subject myself to grocery store talk for the better part 60 years just to be in a couple.

Miscellaneous Musings...

I'll join in with a little miscellany today since I have a few random things to share...

one

breaking records

Ok, it was only a personal record, but since that is probably the only kind I'll ever beat - I'll take it!

Remember way, way back in January when I had to run a mile for time? And I ran it in 8:28? And I was so super excited because I never thought in all of my years on this earth that I would be able to run a mile that fast?

Well, this morning, I beat it! By 35 seconds!

That's right folks - I busted out a one mile run in 7 minutes and 53 seconds and it was the most glorious moment of my life! Which was quickly ruined by the second mile we had to run that was a little slower...

two

youtube

On Friday, I had some errands to run and then I headed out to Sissy's house to hang with the Smalls Family and "sleep the night."

Tiny started preschool this year and they have been learning the Pledge of Allegiance. He and I had worked on it the day before while Sissy and Biggie were in the dentist chair, so I asked him to recite to me what he remembered of it.

He completed the whole thing!

I asked him if he would like to record it to send to Match and Papa and he replied, "Yes. And YouTube."

I had to oblige.

Now head on over to Carissa's blog and read a few blogs you haven't read before.

On the Plains of North Dakota...

 A couple of weeks ago Match, Papa, SuperFan, Sissy, BIL, Biggie, Tiny, and SisterSmalls headed to North Dakota. BIL grew up in North Dakota and his parents have a house on Lake Audubon, so Sissy decided that we would baptize SisterSmalls there and make it into a little mini vacation.

That is if you consider staying in a house with 12 adults and 12 children a vacation...

For the sake of this post, let's say I do.

So at the crack of dawn, we set out...

Match, Papa, SuperFan, and I arrived to the airport to find that Sissy had backed up the entire lives of the Smalls family. (To be fair, they were staying for 10 days...)

-

I did have some concerns about flying with three children, but lucky for me, I got the seat next to SisterSmalls and she was easy-peasy!

Match was lucky enough to get both boys in her row. Luckily, Aunt Airplane had Goonies downloaded on the iPad and Biggie kept busy hunting treasure for the two hour flight.

Tiny required a few seat changes, a lot of tractors, a Nintendo DS, and an iPad.

But, kudos to those babies, because they were very well behaved for the entire flight and people even complimented us. 

Sissy and SuperFan enjoyed their childless row.

Biggie's future is so bright he has to wear shades on the plane.

We finally made it and as I posted on instagram - if I pretend like there aren't twelve children running around the part of the yard you can't see, this is a very peaceful view.

That pretty much sums up our first day in North Dakota, and on our second day, when we were supposed to do all of the fun things like ride jet skis and tubes, the skies opened up and the angels cried.

It literally rained all.day.long.

Around 2:00 or so, SisterSmalls started crying and Sissy thought she might be ready for her afternoon bottle.

What a coincidence, I was also ready for mine...

The most important thing was that the sun came out on Sunday. The day that SisterSmalls and her cousin were to be baptized. Followed by a massive party at the lake house.

The food was delicious, the company was great, and I got to ride on a helicopter!

Yes, you read that right. BIL's cousin has a helicopter and he flew it over to the house and gave some rides to the partygoers. 

So fun!

Then we went on a boat ride and Match turned into MamaKennedy.

This is the view of the house and helicopter as we were floating back to the boat dock.

 All in all it was a great trip. Shorter than I would have liked, but we had a lot of fun and I would certainly go back. But only in the summer.

Here is a random picture of Tiny on the Gator. This kid loves him some John Deere products!