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Friday, November 10, 2017

As It Turns Out

Life is really hard.

And 2017 hasn't been my year.

I didn't post about here, but we lost Granny B in June. Even though I know that we can't live forever, living without her has been supremely difficult. She was my fiercest critic and my greatest fan. And I miss her terribly every single day.

And it turns out that no matter how much you want to be the person that someone needs, you can't. I wrote last week about Babe and his struggles with mental health. And this week, despite how much I love him, due to the things that he is going through, he is unable to be in a relationship with me anymore.

I'm devastated.

Completely wrecked.

Incapacitated.

Folks, I don't know how to go on.

I know that I will figure it out, that's what I do. I'll spend a few days in a total depression and then I'll pick it all up and start making plans again.

But in this moment, I want to curl into a ball, crawl into a hole, and stay there forever.

How do you go on when you had plans for a future that is not longer a possibility?

How do you move on from a love that you don't want to live without?

How do you stop crying?