Wednesday, April 16, 2014

From the Mouths of Babes

Last week I spent a lot of time over at Amachi and Haytachi's house with PapaBear. 

Behind their house is where my Haytachi did all of his work. He has tools, scrap wood, nails, screws, locks, furniture, just about anything you could imagine. 

Most of the stuff, we have no idea where it came from.

One day Tiny said to Sissy, "Mom, I thought of an idea."

Now, when Tiny says something like that, you really never know what is going to come next. It could be anything from dinosaurs to tractors to aliens.

So, with a little hesitation she said, "Yes, Tiny?"

He said, "We could just get a whole bunch of ladders and tape them all together and then maybe we could reach all the way up to Heaven to see Haytachi."

And you know, I bet Haytachi smiled down and said, "That's my boy."

Wednesday, April 9, 2014

Vaya Con Dios

Part of the grieving process includes sitting around and telling stories. 

And there are more than enough stories to be told about my Haytachi.

When asked for my favorite, I can't choose just one.

Today, I was at Amachi's house with PapaBear and some others and we were looking at pictures I had found. In the pictures were Sissy, PapaBear, Haytachi, and me at Disneyland. Sissy and I couldn't have been more than 4 and 3 years old, respectively. 

PapaBear asked me if I remembered the trip, and I'm not sure I remember that trip specifically, but I do remember a trip to the San Diego Zoo when he was feeding cigarettes to the monkeys.

PapaBear laughed and said that he was horrible at a zoo. He was always trying to get you to feed the animals whatever you had. If you were holding an ice cream cone he'd say, "Give the gorilla that ice cream cone, see if he'll eat it."

I can remember him taking Sissy and I to the local western store to let us pick out our first pairs of cowgirl boots. According to Papa, we earned them by helping to gather some wild cows at our desert ranch. I don't remember that day as much, but I remember walking through the store and looking at the boots.

I got an email from a friend today and she said, Some men are not cut out for a "long goodbye," it goes against everything that made them the great men we loved them for being. I consider it an amazing testament to the men they were and the life they lived for God to show them such mercy, allowing them to leave this earth with their dignity.

I honestly couldn't have said it better myself. 

Sunday, April 6, 2014

Beware of the Danger

My grandfather passed away last night.

It was unexpected.

It happened quickly and with no pain.

I know that I should take comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven, probably fixing fences and bossing crews around, but it hurts.

For me, mourning is like a title fight that I am unprepared for. And just when I think its over and I'm back on my feet, it deals another left hook that takes me to my knees.

And it's crazy things - things like pulling into the gas station at the local grocery store and realizing that I'll never again run into him in the parking lot or the coffee shop inside.

Or knowing that I'll never drive past their house again and see him out there tinkering with some old equipment he found.

Just looking at that picture above knocks the wind out of me.

There is no doubt that my siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews and I have been abundantly blessed to have so many great years with him. 

To know that yesterday he worked all day. Spent the day outside doing the things that he loved to do. Went inside and ate a delicious dinner, then went peacefully to be with the Lord as he was drifting off to sleep.

The memories that we all have of him, that were shared today among family and friends, will always be ours.

He will always live in our hearts and spirits.

He taught every one of us the joy of living. Of putting in a hard day's work. He has left a legacy that will reach into generations that I will never meet.

But right now my heart is cracked and the healing process my be excruciating.

Tuesday, March 18, 2014

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

Tiny is a master at charm. Seriously, that kid can make a face that will melt your heart in a second. Render you unable to tell him "no."

He also happens to be a wizard with an iPad. Months ago he learned how to FaceTime the family.

A couple of weeks ago, he FaceTimed Match because his mom left him at home when she went to pick up Biggie and he was upset and wanted Match to call Sissy and lecture her.

So Match did it. I'm telling you, this kid is an expert at getting what he wants.

Recently, he has picked up the art of iMessaging. So from his mom's iPad he can send messages - to SuperFan, to me, to anyone in her address book with iMessaging capabilities.

He can only spell a handful of words, but he does know how to capture himself on video and send it.

While I was in DC for work last week, he tried to FaceTime me, but I was in a meeting. When I got back to my room and called him back he was crying when he answered. Like real, big tears crying.

I asked him what was wrong and he responded, "My mama cracked my heart."

It was all over - had I not been a five hour flight away, I would have been on my way to save him. It broke - I mean cracked - my heart. 

Wednesday, March 5, 2014

A Month of Wonders

Mostly wondering where in the world I have been...

It has been nearly a month since I hit the "publish" button at the top of this page, but certainly not a month since I typed out words. Oh well, the past is the past and let's move forward.

Today is Ash Wednesday. I have toyed with what my Lenten commitment would be this year. I thought about giving up alcohol, chips and salsa, sweets, etc. But then Match sent me a link with some thoughts and one stood out to me.

And since I think that it is far better to be positive than negative, I have decided that this year for Lent, I will spend time each of the 40 days writing a letter to someone who has positively impacted my life.

I have written about it before and I am going to practice what I preach. When I think something nice about someone, I'm going to say it. So this Lenten season I am going to say it in writing. To 40 people. 

Here goes nothing...

Thursday, February 6, 2014

What's It Worth?

Everything comes with a cost.


We don't always think about it, especially when the benefit far outweighs the cost. But there is a cost.

I've been thinking a lot about cost lately.

The cost of starting my own business has been added stress and an extreme decline in my social life. To date, I feel like it has been worth it. I really do love cooking for people.

About four months ago, at the urging of Match, I started seeing a naturopathic doctor. She has been wonderful. At my first appointment she asked me to go on a fairly restrictive diet (I don't use the term as if I'm on a "diet," but rather as a definition of the food I eat) for eight weeks - we were trying to figure some things out and it was a good way to answer some questions. I was pretty good about sticking to it, with a few very rare exceptions. I didn't count calories, but I stuck to the foods that she asked me to stick to and I lost five pounds.

At the follow-up appointment she said that I should stay on the general plan that we had discussed previously. There were a few exceptions, but for the most part, this would be the diet that I would live with for the foreseeable future.

I haven't done as well since that first eight weeks. I don't want to give up things that I love.

I eat fairly well. Little to no processed food. Almost no sugar. A variety of vegetables. A fair amount of protein. 

I like my coffee though, and I'm not willing to give it up. I need to have the occasional hamburger (on a lettuce wrap). And I'm not going to live the rest of my life without sweet potato fries.

The other day I was reading an article regarding diet changes reversing and healing certain neurological disorders. It got me to thinking, if I had one of these issues and giving up these foods would reduce or eliminate my symptoms, could I do it?

And I guess you never really know until you are in that situation, but I'd like to think that I would.

The same is true for anything in life that is not making you better. Why do we keep the things that bring us down?

Thursday, January 30, 2014

Losing Myself

I texted Big T this morning, I'm afraid I'm becoming cynical and untrusting.

I've had a rough week.

2014 is not starting the way I hoped it would and I feel like my soul is slowly dying.

I don't want to be angry and cynical. I like the loving and caring Airplane. The one who laughs all the time. Who believes that people are inherently good. 

The truth is, I don't think I really thought about what starting a business was going to do to my life. 

I have so little time to do anything.

I have taken on more responsibility at work because I need mental stimulation and job security, but it probably wasn't the best time to do that, as I am trying to start a business.

A business that is pretty close to the tipping point of either stopping growth or taking the next step.

I need to write a business plan. But I can't even find 10 minutes to write a blog. 

It turns out that 2014 is probably going to be the year that I finally learn how to say no to the things that are not priorities.

I'm afraid that those are the things I've been wasting a lot of time on.

Someone told me that they thought it was a sign of growth. I feel like that is a nice way to say that I'm getting old and grumpy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk taking care of some computer work and I started organizing some of the piles of crap that have been scattered around since getting the new desk and I found a book that I started writing quotes in at least eight years ago and I came across a quote that spoke to me.

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."
~Charles A Cerami

I want my driving enthusiasm to be great! I want to change the world. I want to be a person that people look at and say, "Because of you, I believed." "Because of you, I went out on a limb." "Because of you, I chose my destiny."

I feel like I'm running out of time.