Life's Funny That Way

Honker was in town last week.

So we spent the day together on Monday. He had a couple of business meetings and wanted to visit a few stores, so I served as his driver and he bought me lunch and dinner.

I hadn't seen him in about a year, and we don't really talk all that much, but I had more fun than I'd had in a long time. It was good to see him!

When we were back at my house the water cooler was empty so I got a full bottle and was changing it. He asked me if I fill the bottles up myself (as opposed to having them delivered). I said that I do, and he said, "How very hippy of you."

That's the mark of a hippy? I didn't even tell him that I cleanse my skin with oil and that recently I started washing my hair with baking soda and vinegar.

Maybe he saw the birkenstocks and tie-dye in the laundry room.

Oops, I Did It Again...

I was reading through old posts the other day and I realized that I already told you the story of SuperFan and the coconut-filled cookies...oops.

I was talking to Big Sexy today and she was telling me a hilarious story about her an event she had to attend last weekend for work. 

She works with men and they told her about the event, but didn't give her any real specifics, so she assumed it was like other events she attended and prepared for an outdoor event. 

She packed jeans and not fancy shoes, and put her hair up in a ponytail.

So she gets to the event and the guys are in khakis and blazers. 

It got me thinking about back in the days when I traveled with Honker. 

He would give me the general schedule of events we would be attending during the time we were together and I would pack accordingly. Then I would get on a plane and fly to California.

There was one time when we were traveling together for about a week, going to different events each night. I packed jeans and nice tops for the meetings because that is the kind of attire that was required.

So one night we get back to my hotel after the meeting and he's dropping me off and it's pretty late and he says, "Do you have anything nice to wear tomorrow?"

First of all, I'm offended by that comment. Everything he has ever seen me wear is nice.

Second of all, what?!?!

He says that we are going to have lunch the next day with a candidate for Governor and it would probably be good to wear something nice.

I said, "Well, I'll try. But I only packed for the events you told me about. And unlike you, I will be headed upstairs to the suitcase full of those clothes and not home to my closet with everything I own."

Men. I swear - they just don't get it.

Everyone Come to the Story Mat...

I should have written this story months ago.

I don't know why I didn't, but lately, Diddy and I have talked about the adventures we had in California and have laughed uncontrollably so I thought I would share with all of you.

So get comfortable.

And maybe try not to drink anything (I can't promise you won't lose it out your nose.)

Way back in September, Diddy and I took a vacation.

Well, it was part work and part vacation.

And all fun!

You see, every September, Antique holds the annual bull sale for the ranch he works for.

The ranch is beautiful! And Diddy needed to experience the sale.

So that was to take place on Friday outside of Modesto and on Tuesday, another meeting that we were supposed to attend was going to start in Sacramento.

We figured we would make a week of it.

The schedule was:

Thursday: Fly to Sacramento. Stay the night.

Friday: Drive to La Grange. Attend the sale. Stay the night in Oakdale.

Saturday: Drive to Meadows to stay at my aunt's farmhouse for the weekend.

Monday: Drive to Sacramento. Stay there for the remainder of the week to attend the meeting.

Friday: Fly home.

Things didn't go exactly as scheduled.

Which turned out to be supremely entertaining!

Thursday went as planned. We flew into Sacramento and picked up the rental car.

A. Hot. Rod. Lincoln.

Ok, it was a Mercury Grand Marquis, but close enough to a Lincoln.

I am not kidding you. Diddy is an old soul and he is crazy about a Mercury.

It actually may have saved my life later in the trip.

We woke up early Friday morning to make the drive to La Grange.

Our GPS, Shauna*, took us in a really round about way to the ranch, but we made it and the fun began.

We enjoyed lunch, and were watching the sale when rabid bats started attacking.

Ok, maybe attack is the wrong word.

And Diddy contends that they were not rabid, but I know they were.

Either way, they kept flying towards my head. It was scary.

After surviving that traumatizing experience, Diddy and I headed to the local watering hole. Antique and his crew were going to meet us there after they were done feeding.

So we started drinking.

More than is advisable.

At one point, I was feeling a little buzzed and I looked outside to see that the sun was still out.

Bad idea #1.

We shut the bar down.

And smoked cigars somewhere in between.

This was bad idea #2. This beat the shit out of bad idea #1.

The next morning we were scheduled to drive up to Meadows, but Diddy decided that we were so close to Yosemite National Park, we couldn't NOT go. (I know, that's a double-negative - give a girl a break.)

Well, I wasn't really feeling at the top of my game that day. So the drive to Yosemite, all windy roads and elevation changes, nearly killed me.

Luckily, the Grand Marquis was a smooth ride, and it lulled me to sleep about halfway up the mountain.

I was awake when we passed this lady, though.

"Walking or working, girl?"

We finally made it to the entrance of the park, paid our $20 and got set to enjoy the scenery.

I am not kidding when I tell you that we turned the corner from the booth where we paid to find this:

The park was burnt to a crisp.

You think they could have mentioned that before we paid??

As we got further into the park, things looked better and we enjoyed a full day of being tourists.

(After a bacon cheeseburger at the park food court I even started feeling better.)

At one point we stopped for a photo-op and there was a family from somewhere in Asia also taking their pictures. As they were standing there waiting for the picture to be taken the dad said, "Say chicken bone"

And then the mom laughed and said, "Hahaha, like I'm going to smile for chicken bone."

We left the park and headed up to the farmhouse.

My aunt had been telling me that I was welcome to stay at her farmhouse ever since she purchased it, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity.

Diddy and I were going to spend two nights at the cottage and explore northern California.

However, on our way up, we stopped for some dinner at a local restaurant and saw an advertisement for the Jelly Belly Factory in Sacramento. Plans were about to change.

Because of our visit to Yosemite, by the time we arrived at the cottage it was dark. We unloaded our luggage, made our bed on the pull-out couch and opened the windows so the place could air out.

We then headed into town to have a drink or two.

And we called Match.mom to let her know we had made it.

You will never guess what she told us.

She said, "Oh, I almost forgot to tell you. Make sure you keep the lid down on the toilet, otherwise the squirrels get in and drown."

WHAT?!?!

How do the squirrels get in?

I'm now less concerned that they are suicidal and more concerned that I am going to wake up in the middle of the night with a squirrel on my chest, staring at me.

We're going to need more drinks.

The bars in town were more than a little shady.

One was like an indoor/outdoor establishment and there were people there, but it was completely dark. No lights at all.

We drove on past.

The next one we came to had a sign on the door that said something about men having to remove their clothes because it was a bachelorette party.

We skipped that too.

We finally found a restaurant that had a bar in it and we went in for a few drinks.

Then Diddy looked over to see the guy next to us had no shoes on.

We finished our drinks and left.

Then we went to the liquor store, got a couple of 40s, made a stop at the local redbox to pick up a movie, and headed back to the cottage for the night.

The next morning, we headed to Chico to wash the sheets and towels and do a little sight-seeing.

A stop at a local olive oil plant, a great breakfast restaurant, a few little shops, and the local laundry mat and we were headed to Sacramento for the night.

On our way there Honker invited us to a BBQ at his house.

With no real plans for dinner, we were on board.

The BBQ turned out to be lots of fun.

We found a hotel near the Jelly Belly factory and settled in for the night.

The factory turned out to be one of the greatest ideas we ever had! I am not kidding you - if you ever have the chance to do it, go! They give you all kinds of free jelly bellies and it is just awesome.

(I will admit here that I really like all factories. So maybe this wouldn't be so exciting for everyone.)

We tried to tour the Budweiser plant after, but they were closed on Mondays. So we headed to downtown Sacramento and the railroad museum.

Everything was pretty uneventful until Wednesday night. When we went to downtown Sacramento with some other meeting attendees and drank our faces off.

I seriously do not know how many drinks I had. But I'm pretty sure that I drank at least five different kinds of alcohol. A lot of it in the form of a shot. 

The people we were with were singing karaoke (I'm pretty sure I did not sing - at least I hope I didn't.)

I do know that I had a whole conversation with a stranger, who was also from Arizona, whose sister-in-law was going to run for office. And I gave him my number so she could call me because that is what I do for a living (or was going to start at the beginning of the following month.)

I don't know what time it was when we went to bed, but it was not too long before our alarm went off. We had to get up to go on a wine tour all day.

We went downstairs to get some breakfast and I don't think either of us ate more than three bites. The people we were with were sure we were going to die.

On the bus, we both almost died when people started cracking beers open.

Someone kept telling us something about "the hair of the dog." They were liars.

At the first stop, I tried to have a drink. It didn't work. 

It was the worst hangover I ever had! 

Like a roller coaster. I would start feeling better and then it would hit me again.

One gentlemen who had gone out with us the night before described his hangover as "an epic battle between good and evil for middle stomach."

I would agree.

All in all. Best. Vacation. Ever.

(And for the record, Diddy and I are willing to go on your vacations - we are great entertainment. Just pay our way and we can guarantee satisfaction.)

Forgetting the Alamo

As you all know (I think), I used to work for the organization that was putting on the meeting that we were attending in San Antonio. I had never just been an attendee to the meeting - always either an intern or an employee. I like attendee much, much better than both.


After flying in on Thursday night, I met Diddy, Match.mom, and PapaBear at the hotel bar. We had a few drinks and Diddy and I headed out to meet with Dirty, Janiac, and some of my former coworkers. 


We had a good time catching up while Dirty and Janiac went to the piano bar. Diddy and I never made it there, instead calling it an early night and heading to bed to rest up for the adventure that was sure to come. 


Friday morning dawned, Diddy went to a meeting, I went to the gym, and Dirty showered. 


After our Puffy Adventure, we headed to the room for Diddy to change and then to head to the Convention Center. We did a few walks around the trade show, nothing too exciting occurred. Although I did run into the Hottest Man Alive and talk to him for a bit. 


Then we headed up to see what was happening in a couple of meetings and visit with some friends. 


Once the membership committee meeting was over, I coerced (trust me there was a lot of arm-twisting) my former coworkers into starting happy hour, and the fun began.


After lots of drinks (Diddy had seis Presidente Margaritas and a shot of tequila) and a few appetizers, we headed to the hotel to change into our clothes for the night event. There was scheduled to be a bull riding and concert off-site so we had to ride buses to get there. So we changed our clothes and headed to the hotel bar to meeting Match.mom and PapaBear and have a few more drinks before catching the bus. 


(Yes, if you are keeping track, we are now too many drinks in and Diddy has announced, "This train is leaving the station.")


The bull riding side of the bar was packed and we couldn't see anything so we kept drinking and moved to the dance floor/concert side of the bar. 


It was here that we found Banana and her crew.


And kept drinking.


I know at least two more shots of tequila were consumed - I can not be sure if that was it.


At the end of the night, we boarded the bus back to the hotel. Apparently everyone on our bus was feeling the same as we were, and we talked the bus driver into dropping us off at a 24-hour Mexican food restaurant.


Somehow, Diddy, Dirty, another friend, and I were the only ones who made it to the restaurant, but that didn't concern us. After some delicious Velveeta-smothered burritos, we made the walk back to our hotel.


Dirty's flight was scheduled to leave at some ungodly hour, so by the time Diddy and I woke up, she was already gone. (We still don't know how she managed to get out of bed and make it in time.)


As the morning unfolded, Diddy and I began slowly remembering (or piecing together) the night before. 


Apparently, our friend only fell while dancing. She did not throw up on the dance floor.


And we allegedly did leave another friend at the bar when we got on the bus. 


Rumor has it I danced more than I thought I did. 


However, Dirty had a conversation with Honker that she can not recall and I had a (very long) conversation with a gentleman from Georgia and I can not remember the content of it.


We do know that when we woke up in the morning, our hotel room resembled that of The Hangover, minus the chicken and the tiger.


And luckily, Diddy still had all of his teeth.


As our cab driver kept saying on the way to the airport, while laughing and shaking his head, "Tequila..."

G-L-A-M-O-R-O-U-S

I love my job! I think that I have mentioned this before, but this week I was reminded of some of the reasons that I love my job.

I left my house Monday morning and headed to airport to fly to Sacramento. The plan was that I would attend county meetings each night of the week with Honker and his officer team. During the day there would be a variety of tours and meetings that we would attend and when not doing that, I had a few conference calls to be on, and work that needed to get done. So, on Thursday, we left the hotel early and headed south. Our first stop was at a feedlot, next it was off to the Harris Ranch Restaurant for lunch with a California Governor's candidate. I mean, how many people go from a feedlot to a major political lunch?!? Either way, during the lunch the candidate was asked about climate change and global warming and she mentioned the Industrial Revolution about 10 times in her response. All I could think about was this video clip: http://www.imdb.com/video/hulu/vi3521183769/ (I couldn't find the video to be embedded so you'll have to watch it via this link.)

One more thing from my trip:

There are two things that every man needs to know (and every woman too so that she can enlighten her man...):

1. If you lose your hair, it is never, I repeat, NEVER acceptable to have a comb-over. I mean do people really think that we don't realize that their hair is being combed from below their ear to the other side of their head? I am not ok with hair pieces either, but they don't freak me out as much as comb-overs.

2. If your eyebrows grow so long that they are growing into your hair line, trim them. No one will be able to tell that you trimmed them, really.

A Year In Review

It's time for the obvious, "year in review" blog.

Following are the things that will define 2008:

- Making new friends and strengthening new friendships. Beginning with meeting RedShirt and ending with the one year anniversary of meeting Dirty Shirley*, EID, Honker, and Auditor*, 2008 was a great year for friendship!

- Reconnecting with an old friend after seven years. A highlight for sure!

- My first (and last) year as HOBY LSC. Which leads to standing up for myself and winning the battle with facts, not emotion.

- The IC. And the Vegas trip that can never be recreated.

- Hawaii. The hilarity, the beauty, the fun - this was a wonderful trip!

- Working on telling people the way that I feel. Even though the results weren't what I had hoped, the ability to be so honest about my feelings to others was refreshing.

Things I'm looking forward to in 2009:

- Trip to Maine with IT

- Bunner and Banana's wedding

- 10-year high school reunion

- Brand new nephew

When It Rains...

The men in my life are back in full force...

Last week I was in Cali for work and I hung out with Honker and Antique.

Honker and I were travelling together in the beginning of the week. Nothing too exciting, but he did take me by the apartment complex that he told me he bought. As far as I can tell there was no real reason for him to go by there except to try and impress me...

On Wednesday night, all three of us were at a dinner meeting together. At the end of the night Honker and I were standing in the parking lot chatting before we left and Antique pulled up. We all talked for a while and then I wanted to leave so I was saying goodbye and Honker came over and gave me a hug. (Diddy says this was like a dog peeing on a tree).

On Thursday I spent all day with Antique. We had a blast! The ranch that he works for is beautiful and he showed me a really cool old canal system that the Chinese built years ago.

Finally, (and this is the big news!) this week I have a date (well, I think it is a date) on Tuesday night with a young man that I have had a baby crush on for a while now...stay posted.

The Biggest Little City...

Well, readers, here we go again…

As I mentioned previously, my annual convention for work was in Reno and Honker, E85, and Antique were all going to be there. Unfortunately, the stories involving the three of them are not as eventful as I would have liked.

I saw Antique first. He was in the trade show the night that it opened and we got a chance to hang out and walk around a little. My obsession with him was renewed at this point and would continue for the remainder of the week (it may be safe to say that the feeling was mutual). In addition to Antique; Honker and The Hottest Man Alive* were also in attendance. A fairly low key night, when the show closed I headed to the Nugget to meet Diddy when he arrived. Honker was at the bar in the casino when we walked by on our way to the Blackjack tables and he winked at me. (Diddy describes the wink as an “I see you, you see me, let’s get together later” wink)

I watched as Diddy and some friends played cards and then out of nowhere, Antique came by to talk to me. (Have I mentioned the obsession?) We talked for a while and then I headed back to my hotel for bed.

The next day was fairly uneventful until the evening. I was invited to a social event for California. I couldn’t decided if I wanted to go or not, but finally decided to make an appearance. I have thanked the Lord every day since then that I did. Antique, Honker, and E85 were all there. My interaction with E85 was less than stellar and I was quite disappointed with him. I got to meet Honker’s parents, which was interesting. And Antique invited me to dinner (unfortunately, Diddy and I had already eaten so I had to decline.) Plus, Diddy was in his room waiting for me so that we could go to another casino and hang out with my folks. Honker and I start talking and I ask him what he’s doing after the social.

Honker: I’m going to the other hotel. (Keep in mind a few things: 1. I have already told him that I plan to head to the Grand Sierra after the social and b. there are six total convention hotels – “the other hotel” isn’t very specific.)
Me: Which other hotel?
Honker: The other hotel.
Me: There are like six other hotels – could you be more specific?
Honker: I’m going to the Grand.
Me: That’s where I’m going.
Honker: That’s why I’m going, and I thought you would know which other hotel I was talking about.
Me: Are you stalking me?
Honker: Yes.
Me: I have lots of stalkers.

I tell him that I need to go get Diddy and then we are going to head over there. He says that he’ll give us a ride if we just call him when we’re ready.

We get to the Grand, meet up with my parents and decide we’re not loving the crowd. I thought about just going back to my hotel (I had a staff meeting at 5:45 the next morning and had to meet my coworkers to ride over to it at 5:20.) Diddy and my mom talked me out of it. So I end up at the Nugget again, and who do I run into? You guessed it, Antique. I see him on my way to the restroom and he says, “We’re going to watch Karaoke, come with us.” So I eventually end up at the Karaoke bar with him and I talk my friend EID (who is also mildly obsessed with him) into joining us. She comes over from her hotel and the three of us end up sitting in the Lounge and talking until 2 am. Ridiculous considering that I had to be up in less than three hours, but I couldn’t walk away from him.

The next day turned out to be a whirlwind of crazy. First, it was committee day, which is our busiest day at convention. Second, Banana had left Reno Thursday afternoon to head to St. Louis and was scheduled to return on Saturday in time to see her dad become President. Instead, my mom called me at 7:00 am – she sounded frantic and told me that Banana had called Bunner* about two hours prior saying that she thought she had a stroke. She was headed to the ER and would let us know as soon as she heard anything. After a long day of waiting and wondering, it was confirmed that she had a minor stroke and Bunner flew to St. Louis to be with her. Fortunately, there was not any major damage and she was released from the hospital and made it back to Reno by Saturday afternoon. She will continue to undergo tests to find out what caused this to happen.

Saturday night, Antique joined me for dinner at the Grand Finale and then, again until 2:30 in the morning we hung out at the bar. I seriously spent the whole night with him. I know more about him than you can believe and at the end of the night, I even got him to join me on the dance floor. It was a blast!

Like I said, nothing too terribly exciting, but stay tuned - I have lots of travel coming up...

This JUST Got Interesting...

I'm pleased to say that a week in California has left me with some good blogging material. I'm going to start out with a cast of characters for ease of posting and reading.

Honker*: Honker and I are affiliated through work and I will most likely see him on a semi-regular basis.

E85*: E85 is a new character, but we may be hoping that he comes into the picture more often.

Antique*: I met antique back in November at a meeting and enjoyed his company. We have a mutual acquaintance who lives in AZ.

EID*: EID is a girl that I met in November who is a sales rep for an ag company. She travels to many of the same events that I do.

My trip started out early on Tuesday morning with a flight to Sacramento. I had a meeting in Sac for most of the day and then I was scheduled to drive up to Red Bluff for the remainder of the week. There is an annual Bull & Gelding Sale in Red Bluff and I was going to join Honker and his crew in a trade show booth.

Wednesday was scheduled to be a pretty slow day, one of the girls and I were going to put the booth up and hold down the fort for the day. I had planned to spend most of my time checking out dudes and getting my bearings. After putting up the booth, we walked around a little and the staff girl introduced me to some folks.

Around lunch time E85 arrived.

E85 (to me): Hi, I'm E85.
Me: Hi, I'm Airplane, nice to meet you.
E85: I saw you yesterday at the summit, but I didn't know you so I couldn't say hi.
Me: You probably could have, it wouldn't have been much harder than it just was.

We talked a little more about what I was doing there, what he does, and other randomness. He realized that I was kind of a big deal and then went off to lunch.

Thursday was the day that Honker was scheduled to come up for the remainder of the weekend, no big deal, right? Wrong. Around lunch time he came to the booth and asked if I wanted to grab lunch with him - I was hungry so I agreed. We had lunch and then moseyed around the horse barn for a bit. We walked past a very small boy whose mother was trying to keep him from running away and then we stopped at the bottom of the bleachers to watch the horses show for a while. All of the sudden I look over and the little boy is running for me. Just before he got to me, his mom caught him, but he just kept staring at me and smiling.

Honker: He sure likes you.
Me: Yeah, I have a way with younger men.
Honker: I can see why.

I go on about my business ignoring his comment, until later that evening the following conversation ensues:

Honker (to me): Do you have plans tonight?
Me: No
Honker: Ok, well I have to meet some folks for dinner, but why don't you give me a call later if you want to go out.
Me: Ummm, ok. (Thinking to myself - you have dinner plans, I don't - why don't you call me when you're done with dinner.)

We finish closing up the booth and he tells me and the other girl that he'll see us tomorrow, then looks at me:

Honker: Unless you get bored later and need someone to talk to.
Me: Yeah, I'll call you if I get sad and lonely.

I was so confused by him that I got some dinner, went back to my hotel room and did some work on my computer without calling.

Friday night is the big night at this week long event. It is the night of the horse sale and apparently it is a drunkfest. I have to admit that I had been looking forward to it all week. But the fun started much earlier in the day. During the dog sale, EID and I went in to take a look at what the dogs were selling for. (Just in case you were wondering the high dog went for $16,300. And no, I did not add an extra zero on there...) While we were fighting our way to the front of the crowd we saw Antique. We both swooned, righted ourselves, and kept watching the show.

(Let me give you some back story on Antique. As I mentioned above, I met him at a meeting in November. He lives in CA and works for a cattle ranch. After meeting him, I checked if he was a member of my organization and he wasn't. Any time I meet someone who is in the industry, but is not a member, I try to follow up with a note and an application. So I did this for Antique - a simple note that went something like, It was nice meeting you at the CCA meeting. Our records indicate that you are not a member, I have enclosed an application and my card, please give me a call if you have any questions. I hope to see you in Reno in February.

So Christmas rolls around and I see our mutual acquaintance at an event and he basically tells me that because of my letter, Antique is going to Reno. I was stoked, if not a little confused.)

Back to Red Bluff - let me mention right now that it has now rained for most of Thursday and all of Friday, so the ground is flooded and there is water everywhere. The horse sale is set to start at 5, with doors opening at 3:30. All is going as planned until 4:30 rolls around and the power goes out. There is no power in the trade show tents and no power in the sale pavilion. We wait around a while for it to come back on, and when it doesn't, Honker, another staff girl, and I decide to go to dinner. We walk out to the parking lot together and then decide that we should consolidate and only take one car. I'm at a different hotel than they are so Honker tells the other girl to go to their hotel, he'll pick me up at my hotel and then we'll meet her there. Then he turns to me and asks, What is your room number? WHAT? Why would he need my room number? Just go to my hotel and I'll meet you in the parking lot. I literally freaked out! Luckily, you needed a key to get into the building where the rooms were so I was safe, for now. I ran up to my room, changed socks, combed my hair, and went back downstairs to meet him.

Again, I thought that we were going to just run by there and pick up the other girl. I was so very wrong. We pull up to the hotel and he parks. I kind of follow along and then we get in the elevator and start going up to the second floor. Now I'm getting concerned. We walk down the hall and he unlocks his room and holds the door open for me to go inside. I delay a little and say something like, I don't want to invade your private space. He didn't seem concerned so I walked in and sat at the chair at the desk and began furiously texting Diddy. He follows me into the room, sits down on the bed and makes a phone call. He starts talking to the person on the other end of the phone about tile and plumbing. He hangs up the phone, looks at me and says, That was my contractor. So I ask if he's remodeling and he tells me that he bought an apartment complex and he will show me pictures if I want. (Is he trying to impress me?) He then realizes that he forgot his computer in his car and runs down to get it so he can send an email.

Dinner was uneventful, and we decided to go back to the sale after to see what was going on. The other girl said she didn't feel well and she wanted to go back to the hotel, so it was just me and Honker again. I had already decided that I wasn't going to drink that night because I was in a strange place and I like to have my bearings about me. So we go to the sale and walk around. Honker starts drinking and keeps asking me if I want a drink. I continue to say no, sure now that he is trying to get me drunk and take advantage of me...

At the sale, I run into Antique again. He isn't drinking either and we spend some time people watching and talking about Reno. After a while, Honker and I decide we've had enough of the horses and we're going to go to the bar. There are two college kids who are interested in joining us, and I obviously get nominated to drive everyone in Honker's car.

The bar was somewhat uneventful compared to the ride home. When the bar closed, me and the college kids went out one door, but Honker had to get his jacket so he said he'd meet us at the car. We're sitting in the car and the college kids have this conversation (just keep in mind, they are wasted and I am sober):

College Boy: Do you guys mind driving me back to the fairgrounds?
Me: Not at all.
College Girl: Thanks, I'll need to get my car there to go to the hotel.
CB: Are you sure you're ok to drive?
CG: Yes.
(we have a long discussion about me taking her to her hotel and him picking her up in the morning to go back to the sale.)
CB: Wow, I had way too much to drink.
CG: (laughing flirtily) You did drink a lot.
CB: I'm going to feel like a jackass if I wake up my sister and her kids when I go into the motor home.
CG: (clearly the stupidest girl EVER - doesn't pick up on his hint that he wants to go to her hotel) You don't act drunk - they probably won't know.
CB: Ok.
(around this time Honker gets to the car with two other VERY drunk guys who are staying at his hotel.)
CB: I'm going to feel like a jackass if I wake up my sister and her kids when I go into the motor home.
Honker: I have an extra bed - you can stay with me.
CB: Really? That would be great.
Honker: Yeah, that's fine.
CB: Thanks.
CG: (Just now catching on to how stupid she was before) If you could just take me to my hotel that would be great.

So we take her to her hotel, which is actually closer to where I'm staying than where all of the boys are going to stay. Then we go to the boys' hotel and make a plan for the morning pick-up and I head home for some sleep.

Yesterday, things went alright, I picked them up from the hotel in the morning and went to the sale.

At some point during the day, E85 came back and we joked around about how he couldn't stay away from me then he decided that he would go to Reno for my organization's annual convention in February.

The good news for you, my dedicated fans, is that Honker, E85, and Antique will all be in the same place again. The bad news for me is that my life is out of control!