Losing Myself

I texted Big T this morning, I'm afraid I'm becoming cynical and untrusting.

I've had a rough week.

2014 is not starting the way I hoped it would and I feel like my soul is slowly dying.

I don't want to be angry and cynical. I like the loving and caring Airplane. The one who laughs all the time. Who believes that people are inherently good. 

The truth is, I don't think I really thought about what starting a business was going to do to my life. 

I have so little time to do anything.

I have taken on more responsibility at work because I need mental stimulation and job security, but it probably wasn't the best time to do that, as I am trying to start a business.

A business that is pretty close to the tipping point of either stopping growth or taking the next step.

I need to write a business plan. But I can't even find 10 minutes to write a blog. 

It turns out that 2014 is probably going to be the year that I finally learn how to say no to the things that are not priorities.

I'm afraid that those are the things I've been wasting a lot of time on.

Someone told me that they thought it was a sign of growth. I feel like that is a nice way to say that I'm getting old and grumpy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk taking care of some computer work and I started organizing some of the piles of crap that have been scattered around since getting the new desk and I found a book that I started writing quotes in at least eight years ago and I came across a quote that spoke to me.

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."

~Charles A Cerami

I want my driving enthusiasm to be great! I want to change the world. I want to be a person that people look at and say, "Because of you, I believed." "Because of you, I went out on a limb." "Because of you, I chose my destiny."

I feel like I'm running out of time.

How's Your Love Life?

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Match on my way in to work and she said that Granny B needed me to call her.

Match: You know Granny B's Democrat friend? Well, Granny B made her some sweet and spicy pickles and as a thank you, she brought over one of those three crockpot warming things. Granny B asked if I wanted it, but I just can't store another thing so she wants to see if you need it before she offers it to anyone else.

Me: Oh. I could maybe use that. If this food thing takes off and I start catering. (Yes, I'm crazy.)

Match: Ok, call her and tell her. She wakes up at 7.

Me: It's 7:05, I'll wait until a little later to call her.

The day goes on, I forget to call. 2:30pm rolls around and I yell, "OH SHIT!" out loud in my office. I just remembered to call Granny B.

So I pick up the phone and call her. After I relay to her that my mom told me to call her this morning, but I thought it was too early and then I just yelled, "Oh Shit!" in my office, she proceeds to tell me about why she needed me to call.

Granny B: Do you know my black friend?

Me: (suppressing hysterical laughter) Yes, I think I do.

Granny B: Well, I gave her some pickles and she thought she had to get me something in return. I just hate it when people do that. And it's one of those…oh, you know…well, I can't explain it.

Me: Do you just want me to come by the house and look at it?

Granny B: Oh, that would be great!

We settle on Sunday around 10:45 to give me time to deliver the air hockey table to the Big T house.

Sunday rolls around and Granny B calls right about the time I am unloading said air hockey table so I miss her call. She leaves a message asking if I want to go to Olive Garden for soup and salad. Obviously, I can not say no to this woman.

So I finally make it to her house and we get in the car to go to the OG. On the way there, in typical Granny B fashion, she says, "Do you know if there is a baby store around here?"

Me: What are you looking for?

Granny B: Well, I need one of those seats like they have at the Macaroni Grill for kids to sit in.

Me: Like a booster seat?

Granny B: Yes. BabyBunner is going to at the house for Christmas Eve and I need one for him.

So I tell her that there is a Babies'R'Us near the OG and we can swing in after lunch. Though I'm suspicious that she knew that and was just tricking me into thinking it was my idea.

We are sitting at lunch, waiting on our salads to arrive:

Granny B: So, how's your love life?

Me: Nonexistent.

Granny B: So a lot like mine?

Yes, Granny B, please do remind me that my love life is so lame that it rivals that of a 90-year-old woman. That makes me feel good about myself.

Then she proceeds to tell me that if I went out to places where you could meet men maybe I would have a boyfriend. I ask her what she means. She says, "Well, they aren't just going to show up at your house."

We make it through the rest of lunch, hit up Babies'R'Us, get in the car to head home when she asks me if I'm in a hurry. I assure her that I have a little time and ask what she needs. To go to the dollar store to buy some buckets.

Yesterday, Tiger and I were driving back from a basketball game in Tucson and he asks me if she still drives. I tell him that she does, but that I don't think she likes to because she is always tricking Match, Xou Xou, SuperFan, and me to take her on her errands. Then I proceed to tell him the above story and he says, "Is it really tricking you if you know it's coming?"

I'm Not a Policeman, I'm a Princess!

I do believe I am living in the Twilight Zone.

Ok - maybe that is a little dramatic.

It's just that strange business is going on in my life.

I know I've said it before, but it is so very true that when it rains, it freaking pours.

I believe I mentioned that I was at a conference last week and there were a few potential suitors.

So yesterday, I get a text from Trainer, "I'd like to take you out for sushi and drinks."

Umm - what?

That sounds like date talk to me.

I agreed because I'm always complaining to Big T that all I want is someone to buy me dinner every now and again, so I would be a hypocrite if I turned down the offer.

His response, "Where would you like to go, my princess?"

Excuse me?!?!

Who you calling princess?

I was telling one of the girls at work about it and she said, "Someone should tell the others to watch out, a new guy is coming up from the rear....

...Wait, that didn't sound right."

Hard To Get

So, I think I'm being stalked. 

Have I told you this before?

Not like in a scary way.

Well it's not scary yet.

But there is this guy who obviously thinks he wants to hang out with me.

And I don't want to hang out with him.

So he texts and texts and texts.

And I turn him down every time.

But he never gives up.

Sometimes he sends texts that make me think he's watching me.

Like he'll send a text within ten minutes of me pulling into my garage that says, You home yet?

And the other night, literally as I was pouring myself a glass of wine, he texted, Wine?

So I was talking to Big T the other day, and I told him, I guess there is something to this "playing hard to get" that people talk about.

Only I'm not playing.

I do not want to hang out.

(And don't ask who it is people - you don't know him.)

Scorpion Queen

OMG!!!

Yesterday I had a kind of important lunch for work, so I wore a black dress with ruffles on the top and brought a white jacket to wear over it to the lunch.

Lunch went well and when I got back to the car I took the white jacket off so as not to have a heat stroke.

I went straight to a coffee meeting from lunch, where I was stood up. So I ordered an iced coffee and headed back to the office.

I got in the elevator at the office and looked in the mirror.

Luckily I was alone in the elevator because I noticed that there was something on my dress under the ruffle and thought to myself, Oh no, I hope that there wasn't something on my dress all during lunch.

Then I realized that it was a scorpion!

I am not kidding you - I freaked out! I started screaming and trying to get it off me. I broke my badge and it fell to the floor. Then I temporarily lost the scorpion.

When I found it, it was trying to crawl away on the floor of the elevator, but I killed it!

There are a variety of theories as to where the scorpion came from:

Match thinks that it had been in the jacket.

Big T thinks that it crawled up a wall or a tree and fell on me.

Either way, I am getting tired of the scorpions. I don't like them!

I don't like them at all.

And now I feel like things are crawling on me all of the time.

Yuck!

Miscellany Monday

It's been a long while since I've participated in Miscellany Monday.

I'm going to give it a go again...

With an abundance of iPhone photos.

one

food truck friday

Glinda and I spend Fun Friday lunch checking out the food trucks in downtown Phoenix.

We split this chicken hot dog with smoked gouda, roasted red peppers, and mushrooms. Then we shared that delicious drink - which was a Honey Pear luncharita. There was no alcohol in it, but it was delish!

Then we went ahead and shared a salted caramel creme brulee. Holy moly!

If you are in the Phoenix area I recommend heading down to the Phoenix Public Market between 11:30 and 1:00 on Fridays to check this out.

There were a lot of people there last week and it was H-O-T, hot! I can't imagine what it's like when the weather is nice.

two

swim graduation

Biggie and Tiny had their annual swim lessons last week and the week before. And they graduated on Friday!

Sissy, Bunner, SuperFan and I (along with a whole slew of cousins) took swim lessons from the same teacher.

Tiny can swim, but he just won't do it when he's at lessons...

Strange.

Here they are all decked out in their swim gear.

PapaBear doesn't like mohawks, so Biggie just did this for a quick second.

Here's Biggie and SisterSmalls - just because you needed to see a picture of her! :)

three

golf and pedis

Saturday morning I took advantage of the sweltering heat and headed out to the driving range with Big T and his oldest son.

I'm getting better - I just need to spend more time hitting the ball.

That's my new golf bag there - it make me look good!

And Big T's older son is in the top picture showing me up. It's awesome. He's four.

And in the bottom picture is his younger son. I am freaking obsessed with that kid. He is SO adorable!

Then it was off to get lunch and pedicures with BFL and her daughter.

Yes, I do realize that my toes are as long as fingers.

four

birthday baseball

Biggie turned six on Saturday, so for his birthday I took him and Tiny to a Diamondbacks game.

It was pure chaos, but they had fun. And when I left them, he said, "Thanks Aunt Airplane! You're the best."

Totally worth it.

During the 7th Inning Strech they played God Bless America. I looked over at Biggie to find him with his hat over his heart. I teared up.

I honestly didn't think that Tiny knew what was going on - he was just sitting there enjoying his "copcorn" and then the DBacks had a great hit and he threw his arms up and started cheering!

And of course, the obligatory self-portrait of Biggie and me.

now head on over to carissa's blog and read something you haven't read before.

The Past

I am about to get serious on all of you.

I apologize. 

I was having a conversation with Big T today about a guy who was in high school at relatively the same time as we were. I don't like him. Big T does.

We argue about it a lot.

Finally today I was able to put into words why I don't like him.

It boils down to the fact that he has never been nice to me and has always made me feel bad about myself.

To be fair, I haven't spent a lot of time with him now that we are adults, but I don't really want to.

Let's back up to high school, shall we?

I am a nerd.

Certifiable.

I have never been into fashion (with the exception of shoes).

I have always struggled with my weight.

And I have had some BAD hair.

As I have previously mentioned, Sissy is 13 months older than me. Which means that we were back-to-back in school.

In a small town.

And she is gorgeous.

And she hung out with the popular crowd. 

And she had lots of boyfriends.

And she was thin to my fat.

And crazy to my nerd.

(Don't get me wrong, I did some stupid things. And I broke the rules now and then. But I have always been a fan of rule-following.)

But it was hard to grow up in that shadow. Real or perceived.

I am the nerdy little sister who always wanted to be cool.

And the dudes that hung out with the popular girls made their fat little sisters feel bad about themselves.


All that to say, I don't want to be friends with that guy. Even if he is funny.


But also to say, that at 31 years old, I am happy with the person I am.


I won't lie - there are some really embarrassing school pictures of me out there and I'm pretty sure that if potential boyfriends saw them, they would be scared.


But if I could do it all again, I would probably do it the same (only maybe without the perm and bowl cuts).


I am the strong woman I am because of my past. 


And I don't have time to hang out with people who make me feel bad about myself.


I have insecurities. And sometimes they get the best of me. But I try to spend more time focusing on the things that I am proud of.


And there are a lot of those things.

The Confessional Booth

Since we’re being honest with each other, I have a confession to make…

We are being honest, right? It is not just me, baring my soul to you, you are joining in the honesty, right? Right? RIGHT?

Well, I actually have two confessions.

Confession #1: My name is Airplane and I am addicted to The Bachelor. I know, it is almost embarassing. “Almost” because there are obviously millions of other men and women out there who are also watching this sad excuse for television. I know that for a fact because I follow some of them on Twitter.

Ok that might be embarassing.

But they are hilarious! And it is nice to know that someone else out there hates Courtney the Model as much as I do.

Seriously, what is wrong with that girl?!?!

More to the point, what is wrong with Ben that he can’t see what a heinous human being she is? I realize that she isn’t quite as nasty around him, but she does make snide litte comments when he can hear her.

I guess I know what is wrong with him – he is a man. And even worse, he is a man under 30 years of age. I am coming to realize that there is a whole group of people (men included) who believe that until a man turns 30, he is nowhere near mature enough to have a meaningful relationship.

I’m not passing judgement on this one way or another, but there seems to be a lot of empirical evidence to support this claim.

So anyway, I watch the show. Religously. And I get angry. Then I get disgusted – don’t these women know that their families are going to be watching this? And, Ben, a word to the wise, if a woman’s mom wouldn’t be upset that she was acting the fool and getting naked and running into the ocean with you on national television, you may want to rethink the relationship. I’m just saying, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And bad judgement is not reserved for beach flings.

Either way, as I was watching last night, Ben asked one of the girls on their “first date” if she was structured. She, being an accountant (ok, I’m stereotyping), said that she was. He then asked her if she could handle an unstructured life. Which got me to thinking that a) I hate first dates, and b) this show is stupid. You can’t choose a person to marry based on fantasy dates and unrealistic settings. You have to see someone in their real life. Anyone can say that they could handle an unstructured life (I mean, I would never say that), but the proof is in the pudding, folks.

This all leads me to confession number two: I am a member of eHarmony.com. I may have actually confessed that to all of you before, but I’m not willing to read back through my blog at this moment to see if that is in fact the case. So if you already knew that about me, pretend you didn’t.

I won’t bore you with all of the details, but basically, I have been an active member on and off, for about 2 years. Clearly, since I am still single, it hasn’t really been the most successful means to the end of meeting a quality man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I won’t lie to you (we’re being honest, remember?) it hasn’t been the best for my self esteem. Which would explain my current off-again relationship with the internet. Who needs to feel worse about themselves? (And for the record, given the chance, I would likely punch Dr. Neil Warren square in the man parts, but that is neither here nor there.)

However, in the spirit of putting myself out there (or proving my insanity), I am still a member. The truth of the matter is that CK hit the nail on the head the last time I was complaining about not finding suitable matches – she said, “Airplane, if you were finding a lot of men that you were interested in, I would be concerned that you weren’t being honest in what you are looking for. You are trying to find one man, afterall.”

Nail head or not, I hate hearing shit like that. (There’s that honesty again.)

While we’re on the topic, do you know what else I hate hearing? “The reason that you have a difficult time finding men is because you are intimidating – you are strong, independent, and make your own money.” Really, people? Did I somehow jump in a time machine? Are we back in 1920? (Now that I type this, I am fairly certain I have said that before, but no harm in repeating myself for emphasis, is there?)

After some lenghthy discussions with IT about it (she met her still nameless fiance on EH), she suggested that I solicit input from my male friends on my profile. So that is what I am doing.

A quick lunch with Big T today revealed that I have some things to learn about men and how they function, but also that there were some good changes that could be made to my profile.

Let’s hope he was right and I’ll have lots of info to share soon about potential suitors.

Miscellany Monday

I know, I know - I'm a horrible blogger! But I've been super busy with this campaign and have not really been feeling funny. Tomorrow is Election Day and according to JP, "Airplane is going to get her groove back." So watch out.

Until then - here's another random list of my thoughts.

one.

OMG - in the process of typing that opening paragraph I forgot every single thing I was going to tell you. Yes, I am out of control!

two.

If you read my other blog, you know that I think that putting a cat on a leash is about the worst thing you can do. Well, I'm back in Cottonwood this week for work and some volunteers just came into this office with their cat on a leash. I can not put into words my disgust!

three.

Lots and lots of babies!!

I told you before that there were a lot of babies coming soon and here are a few pictures of the sweets!

This is Viper's sweet baby girl!

Bodybuilder's pageant baby!

Big T and Mrs. T's red-headed little guy!

And born just in time for this blog post this morning - Rejuba's stubborn baby boy!

So exciting! I can't wait until I have time to visit all of these teeny-tinys!

four.

My nephews dressed up for Halloween, but since I couldn't be with them, they tried on their outfits for me ahead of time.

Tiny is a dragon/dinosaur

Make sure your sound is up for this one!

Just Another Manic Monday...

For the past three hours I have tried to write this post and can't focus.

So you are going to get a glimpse into the way my mind works as I post what comes to mind...

1. My family ROCKS! HHT's wedding was a freaking blast on Friday night! We danced the night away. All of us, even my grandparents. The wedding ended at 11 and my grandparents were still there. Seriously, we have our issues (like any other family), but when it comes down to it, we can come together and throw it down!

2. I went to another wedding on Saturday. I wore these shoes:

I LOVE these shoes! For the wedding I wore them with a very unrevealing black dress. It has short sleeves, hits at my knees, and shows no part of my cleavage. I also happened to pull my hair back into a ponytail for the event. (This probably had something to do with the party mentioned above happening the night before). Either way, the only thing even remotely wild about my outfit was the shoes.

I know people were judging me.

I could feel it.

And the fact of the matter is, hot pink heels do not make you a slut. Or a hooker. Or whatever they were thinking.

There were certainly girls at the wedding with more revealing clothes on than me. Heck, the bridesmaid dresses were more revealing (and they were wearing pink shoes too - just not quite as pink).

I just really feel like hot pink heels do not make a hooker. So I'll keep wearing the shoes. And you can keep on judging me.

3. I started P90X this morning. I did the Chest and Back video and it was hard. I could have probably pushed myself a little harder in the first set, and I will start doing that, but don't kid yourself, this is a hard workout. I think it will take me a while to get into a routine, but I'm going to keep going - 90 days. I took before pictures yesterday, and I'll save them for when there is a transformation. But stay tuned!

4. A little piece of advice for my male readers (are there any of you?): Girls like flowers. A friend of mine had a picture of a bouquet of flowers that she got "just because" from the boy she was dating. And I wondered to myself, if guys knew how special that made a girl feel, would they do it more often? So I asked Big T - he said that the last time he sent flowers to Mrs. T was Valentine's Day - and complained because they were so expensive.

So I consulted IT to make sure I wasn't crazy, and we agreed (so it must be the truth) that a girl would rather have a $15 bouquet of whatever flowers "just because" than a $50 dozen roses on Valentine's Day.

Just a tip.