A Resurrection!

I've been wanting to get back to regular blogging for a long time now. 

Hilarious things happen to me on a regular basis and I should be sharing them with everyone. And some not so hilarious things happen that I should also share. And I just never get around to actually opening the computer and typing it all up.

But this morning I was over at Granny B's and something happened and it was just the sign I needed to get this thing fired back up.

So here goes nothing...

Last night Granny B left me a message that she had a ring for me and she wanted me to come by the house to get it. 

Some of you may know that there is a silver ring that I wear probably 363 days a year that Granny B gave me. I cherish it. And I get so many compliments on it. I love it dearly. 

{Sidebar: a couple of months ago LaVa and I did a ride-along with the fire department and they told us to bring workout gear and we would do PT with the boys. You know me, I can never pass up an opportunity to show some boys up, so when it came time to workout, I changed and took off all of my jewelry. I could have sworn that I just set my ring on top of my clothes so I wouldn't forget it. Then in the middle of our workout, we got a call and there was no time to change, so off we went. Then we grabbed lunch. Then we got another call. And another one. And by the time we got back to the station, my ring was the last thing on my mind - getting out of my disgusting stinky workout clothes was really topping the list! So I changed my clothes and left. The next day, I realized that I didn't have my ring. I searched EVERYWHERE! I emailed the battalion chief that was on shift with us. It was gone. About two weeks later, I was looking in my small crossbody purse for something I found my ring. I nearly cried, I was so happy!}

Either way, for that reason, when she said she had a ring for me, I was super excited. So I called her back and we made plans for me to stop by this morning and have a cup of coffee with her and pick up the ring. 

For those of you who do not know, Granny B lives in a gated community. So you have to talk to the guard every time you go visit her. Because we are on her regular visitor list, we get monthly passes, but you still have to pass through the guard gate.

There is one particular guard who seems to be quite fond of Granny B, and every time he is at the window when I have to renew my pass, he asks about her and tells me to tell her hello.  I didn't have to renew my pass this morning, but he was at the gate so I rolled down my window and waved as I went through.

So we are sitting at her kitchen table having a cup of coffee with her caretaker when the caretaker asks, "Did you see Anthony at the gate this morning?"

I said that I did. Granny B asks, "Did he say anything about me?"

Whizzuh-wuh? Are we in junior high? Did she just ask me if the man at the guard gate asked about her? I almost felt like the next thing she was going to do was to have me call over there and ask if he likes her while she listened on the other phone.

But no. What she did next was much better!

Granny B: I don't even know if I remember what he looks like anymore. The only reason I met him was because they were fixing the regular gate so I had to go through the visitor gate. He asked me my name and I told him and then he asked how I was doing.

{Sidebar: I believe what actually happened was that when she told him her last name, he made a comment about it not being an Italian name, but that is neither here nor there.}

Me: Oh yeah? And from then on he was smitten?

Granny B: Well, then I found out he was married. Damn it! (as she slams her hand on the table)

Me: That's the story of my life, Granny B! The story of my damn life.

Granny B: I would have had him over for pasta or something.

Me: (laughing hysterically)

Granny B: I'll tell him, 'Get rid of your wife and I'll show you.'

Caretaker: You'll show him what?!

Me: (trying to catch my breath and wipe my tears because I haven't laughed this hard since Friday morning with LaVa.)

Granny B: Sorry to be so bold, but when you're desperate, you know.

YOU GUYS! Granny B is 93 years old! I'm not sure my heart can handle this kind of talk!

It's Legal Now

I've been meaning to tell this story for some time now.

Towards the end of last year, I learned about a mentorship program through a local nonprofit and I just knew that I needed to sign up for it.

In order to do that, I needed to get fingerprinted at the police department. The day that I went in, I happened to be wearing the ring that LaVa gave me for Christmas.

It isn't a diamond ring and I wasn't wearing it on my left hand. These details will be important in about five seconds.

The city where I work uses police volunteers to do the fingerprinting. So I was dealing with an older gentleman - probably in his late 70s.

As he was dipping my fingers in ink and pressing them onto the paper, he was making conversation. On the fourth finger he asks me, "who made you that ring?"

Me: It was a Christmas gift from one of my girlfriends.

Him: Oh. What did you get her?

Me: Umm. I can't actually remember.

Him: I guess it wasn't very meaningful. Are you guys serious?

All of the sudden I realize that he thinks I said that my girlfriend gave me the ring. There's no way I can get out of this now. And certainly no way to tell him that I got LaVa a sleep shirt that says, "The Snuggle is Real."

By this point we are on to the second hand and I'm hoping that we can get out of this conversation before it gets any deeper.

Wishful thinking.

We sit down to finish the paperwork and he keeps asking questions. Do we love each other? Are we going to get married? You know that's legal now?

I tell him that, no, we aren't getting married. He asks why. Then says, "you're not sure yet, are you?"

Exactly! I'm not sure I am an actual lesbian, Sir! I told you that one of my girl.space.friends. got me this ring. Not my actual girlfriend.

Of course, I didn't say that. I just smiled. Then he asks, "is your family ok with it?"

We were so close to being done. I just said that they were. Though when I left there and called Match to relay the story to her, I decided that I should have started crying and said, "no. I haven't been able to tell them."