So, there I am on the red eye to Boston for the long weekend. Who would have thought that it would be a packed flight? Certainly not me, I take red eyes to avoid crowds. But as luck would have it, this was a full flight leaving Phoenix at 9:45 pm. Once I get on the plane, I settle into my window seat with my blanket and my book and hope to fall asleep soon (once the Tylenol PM kicks in). Yet again, the universe had different plans for me. Sitting next to me was Beatnik*, a man from San Francisco, headed to Nova Scotia. Next to Beatnik, was DB*, who apparently came from Orange County and was headed to Boston to visit his family. The following conversation actually took place:
Beatnik: Man, I'm going to need some beers to get to sleep on this plane.
DB: Yeah, man, I'd be drinking, but I'm literally penniless until my direct deposit goes through at midnight.
Beatnik: I'll buy you a beer, man.
DB: Really? That'd be great.
Beatnik: I'll buy you two.
WHAT??? Unfortunately, they were not kidding, and they proceeded to talk about the most random, convoluted things that a person could think of. Willie Mayes? Check. Possoms? Check. (Did you know they are marsupials?) Xanax and the merits of using it while travelling? Check. Cell phone chargers? Check. Irish Potato Famine? Check. Check.
I can not make this shit up. These men literally talked from Phoenix to Boston and invaded the dreams of my fitful sleep.
Please take the following lesson from my experience: If you want to get to know the person sitting next to you on a cross country red eye flight, please do it in an inside voice and be respectful of those around you trying to sleep. If you can't do these two things, please try to at least have an intellectual, relevant conversation...