Saturday, September 1, 2007

Kickballers Do It For 45 Minutes...

Day 1 in Boston turned into a wholly entertaining extravaganza!

To begin the day we walked across the street to the ATM to grab some cash. In the ATM vestibule we encountered a group of teenage boys who seemed to be in line to get cash. This turned out not to be the case, they were actually just staring at the girl who was, at that moment, conducting bank business. A little frightening if you are the girl, but IT Girl* and I continued on our eventful journey.

Our first stop was to be the Sam Adams Brewery. (I could go into all of the history here, but that would ruin your trip there...) Suffice it to say that the highlight was meeting "Chester Copperpot."

The tour was neat and the most interesting fact that we learned was that the Boston brewery is only an R&D location and most of the beer that you buy in the store is actually brewed in Cincinnati. However, as you can imagine, the best part of the tour was the "tasting room." Apparently, the state of Massachusetts believes that we can only handle 3 7-oz. glasses of free beer. This probably was a blessing in disguise as IT Girl and I hadn't yet eaten and we were significantly buzzed following glass #2. This is also where the fun began...

Those of you who know me, know that I will talk to anyone. IT Girl is exactly the same, maybe even more outgoing. So there we are, getting wasted at 3 pm and making friends. While learning about "grains of paradise," we also made friends with some dudes from Baltimore and a cute couple from Arkansas. We were the hit of the tasting room and everyone wanted to know us. Sadly, the tasting ended and we were on our way again.

At the train station, we are innocently standing on the platform when four Pittsburghers approach us. They remembered us from the brewery tour and wanted to be our friends. Apparently, they were in town to play softball and were spending their free time getting drunk and chewing tobacco. We will fondly remember these gentlemen as:
  • County Jailer*: This was the loudest of the four and he left the tasting room repeatedly to answer his cell phone (no one is that important...). Turns out he doesn't even like Sam Adams. While standing on the platform, he goes into some diatribe about how his ex-MIL got some threatening letter from a guy in the county jail and he had to call so-and-so to take care of it. WHAT??
  • Goose 2*: The friendliest of the four. Goose 2 was a large fellow - picture Santa, 20 years younger, owning a bar... Got it?
  • Ginger Hair*: He was the quietest of the group, but also the most attractive. He spent his time on the train platform text messaging.
  • Small Old Jewish Waterboy*: One of these things is not like the others, one of these things just doesn't belong... Seriously, where did this guy come from? He was wearing a lavender polo shirt that I'm pretty sure was made in 1986.
We all get on the train together, but IT Girl and I find seats and commence enjoying our T ride. The Pittsburgh Four got off of the train before we did, we thought nothing of it. We take the train to Haymarket so that we can go to the North End (Little Italy) for some lunch/dinner - linner if you will. On our way from the T station to the restaurants, we encounter a Farmer's Market, which had some of the best and some of the worst looking produce I've ever seen. We will be creating a delicious dinner with the goods that we procured on Sunday.
We made our way up to the restaurant that we were hoping to eat at, only to find that it didn't open for another 30 minutes. Too hungry/drunk to wait, we proceeded down the street to an Italian cafeteria. We ordered two subs and I contend that it was one of the best meals I've ever had! Turns out we really only needed one sub, but we wrapped the remaining halves up to have for leftovers. The next plan was to head to Modern Pastry for cannolis and a cupcake.

After dessert, which was only the cannolis (we'll save the cupcake for later), we headed to Faneuil Hall to see some sights. The first sights we saw were hot cops. Seriously, the hottest cops I've ever seen are stationed in this area of Boston. There wasn't an ugly one in sight (this will not be the case near Fenway...) IT Girl is just explaining to me that the Cheers that we are about to pass is not the original, but the one created to look like the TV set, when we look over and see the Pittsburgh Pirates, our friends from the train station. Random, right? They try to take our leftovers, we bid them farewell.

We headed back to the T station to buy some Boston T-shirts for the game and head home. Back on the T, we are enjoying our ride when the staff of the World Adult Kickball Association ( - if you are interested in joining) boards our car. Yes, you read that right, the World Adult Kickball Association - WAKA for short. Apparently, Labor Day weekend is the annual Founders Cup World Kickball Championship - who knew? In this year's tournament you will find such teams as "John Stamos is Our Dad" and "Balls of Glory." Mike Meyers circa Wayne's World was one of these staff members and he apparently was fascinated with us, because he could not stop staring.

Off the train we go at the Kenmore station. We are accosted by scalpers and fans who are anxious to buy tickets to the Sox game. We procede on to the apartment to change our clothes and have a few beers before heading to Fenway.

Once we get to the Park we purchase a couple of beers ($7 - OUTRAGEOUS!) and head up to our seats. We get to what is supposedly our row and there are people in our seats. The guys in front of our seats tell us to just sit down - everyone seems to be in the wrong seat. So we sit in front of these dudes and start chatting. They are clearly not from Boston, so we ask them where they are from - Milwaukee. Why are they here? To play softball. The coincendence does not escape us. A large group comes to take their seats and we are forced to move. At this point we realize we are actually in the wrong section and the people we thought were in our seats actually weren't. After realizing that it would be much too difficult to get to our actual seats, we decide to just move over one section and sit in seats that are currently empty. This apparently is the norm at Fenway as we see numerous people do it. Two men trying to prove their masculinity to the women with them actually almost fought about this. Two moves later we find our real seats and find a friendly father/son duo as our neighbors. Here the fun begins...

Musician son* and Lawyer dad* are from Littleton, CO - the current location of IT Girl's home and my employer. We chat it up about CO for a while and then begin to talk about Boston. Musician, who looks like he belongs on the set of Entourage, has been accepted to the Berklee School of Music and will be starting on Tuesday. Lawyer, type A sports fanatic, is clearly not ready to let his baby boy go. Musician proceeds to talk to IT Girl and I about all things under the sun, including, but not limited to: Drop Dead Gorgeous, the flavor-lasting capacity of Stride gum, pogs, and the Geico cavemen. There are a number of men in the next section over who try numerous times to unsuccessfully start the wave. The wave finally gets started and begins to go around the Park at least 4 times - we believe it's a record. We can not find anything to dispute this fact. When the 7th inning stretch rolls around and they do not play "Sweet Caroline," our musician friend gets very sad. He literally says to us, "If I were a cloud, I would be raining depression." Don't worry though, the song came on in the middle of the 8th and all was right in the world again.

Some other highlights from the game include: Miss Boston*, a 50-ish woman who apparently knew everyone in the stands; and her friend, Stevie Nicks*, who spent the better part of the game standing up and swaying back and forth. The family next to us with two small children who ran up and down the stairs - at one point, the mother of these children yelled at the daughter, "Give me the fingah. Give me the fingah right now." (She was in fact referring to the giant foam finger that she had purchased for her child and not asking for an inappropriate hand gesture.) A streaker who ran across the field around the 8th inning and was literally tackled and held down by the security guards. Some very good-looking dads and a number of ginger hairs for IT Girl to fawn over. In the 9th inning the Sox had a near comeback that got everyone on their feet and had 10 year-olds doing pelvic thrusts. After a disappointing loss, we left the field and decided that Boston has the hottest fans in major league baseball.

Of course we couldn't just go home after the game, so we went into the first bar we came across and proceeded to people watch. We were attacked walking in the door by 40 year old men trying to sell beer for the beer girl. We then went downstairs where we were attacked by a drunk 16 year old who was enamored by IT Girl. While we were watching the Diamonbacks lose it altogether, we noticed 3 dudes at the bar who looked like the only way they could be having less fun would be for us to put hot sticks in their eyes. But it wasn't long before they found something to entertain them...3 cougars! These women were out of control, dancing all over the place with their gold purses and business shirts. At one point the tall one actually sat on the bar and kicked her leg up into the air. INAPPROPRIATE! After watching a series of white men try to dance and fight, we decided it was time to head home. On the way out there was a total WASP-y guy singing Nappy Roots and another guy who was literally asleep on a bar stool while his girlfriend tried to talk to him.

The walk home was uneventful considering the rest of the day, but we did encounter a bum who yelled, "I'm not killing anyone." To which I will reply, "Shut up, and give me the fingah!"

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