Friday, November 30, 2007
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Secret Lover...
And when I say secret, I mean, Double Super Secret. I don't even know his name.
Today, Diddy and I headed down to Willcox Livestock Auction for a fun-filled day at the Special Sale. As I mentioned previously, our outings are typically quite eventful (and in case you are wondering, he has not yet purchased the power cord that I can plug into the cigarette lighter...). We always knew Willcox would be super eventful, well because it's Willcox - need I say more? And I can tell you truly that it did not disappoint today!
To start off, we were standing outside of the sale barn enjoying the rainy weather when SuperStalker* approached us. Right off I could tell a few things about this gent - 1. He hadn't showered in at least a week. 2. There was something just not right about him. and 3. I didn't want to get trapped in a conversation with him alone.
So, Diddy and I indulged him for a little bit and listen to his babbling. Then we excused ourselves to get back to work. Unfortunately, he must have been mesmerized by my striking beauty, because he began stalking me. If I went outside - he went outside, if I was in the lobby - he was in the lobby. Always smiling at me with half-rotten teeth and talking nonsense to Diddy. I'm not going to lie - it was frightening, but nothing compared to what happened next.
There is a crazy family who resides in southern Arizona and has for a long time. They have a long history of being just a little left of center, sanity-wise. So they were at WLA today in full force. As I was working, I was introduced to one of them. The following conversation ensued:
Me: Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Airplane
Him: Is PapaBear you're dad?
Me: Yes.
Him: Very nice to meet you.
(At this point I try to shake his hand, but he hugs me.)
Man Next to Him (MNTH): He's always hugging the pretty ladies.
Him: Nothing wrong with that, is there?
MNTH: Only if they have big boyfriends.
Him (to me): Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No (Why, oh why am I so honest?)
Him: Do you want one?
Me: (in my most polite voice) No, thank you.
Him: I have a son who's 30. How old are you?
Me: 26
Him: Would you like to meet him?
Me: (scared that the son may be at the sale barn, just smile nervously)
Him: I'll give you his number.
He proceeds to write his son's phone number down on the back of a raffle ticket and hand it to me. I can not make this up, people. I was traumatized.
Today, Diddy and I headed down to Willcox Livestock Auction for a fun-filled day at the Special Sale. As I mentioned previously, our outings are typically quite eventful (and in case you are wondering, he has not yet purchased the power cord that I can plug into the cigarette lighter...). We always knew Willcox would be super eventful, well because it's Willcox - need I say more? And I can tell you truly that it did not disappoint today!
To start off, we were standing outside of the sale barn enjoying the rainy weather when SuperStalker* approached us. Right off I could tell a few things about this gent - 1. He hadn't showered in at least a week. 2. There was something just not right about him. and 3. I didn't want to get trapped in a conversation with him alone.
So, Diddy and I indulged him for a little bit and listen to his babbling. Then we excused ourselves to get back to work. Unfortunately, he must have been mesmerized by my striking beauty, because he began stalking me. If I went outside - he went outside, if I was in the lobby - he was in the lobby. Always smiling at me with half-rotten teeth and talking nonsense to Diddy. I'm not going to lie - it was frightening, but nothing compared to what happened next.
There is a crazy family who resides in southern Arizona and has for a long time. They have a long history of being just a little left of center, sanity-wise. So they were at WLA today in full force. As I was working, I was introduced to one of them. The following conversation ensued:
Me: Hi. Nice to meet you, I'm Airplane
Him: Is PapaBear you're dad?
Me: Yes.
Him: Very nice to meet you.
(At this point I try to shake his hand, but he hugs me.)
Man Next to Him (MNTH): He's always hugging the pretty ladies.
Him: Nothing wrong with that, is there?
MNTH: Only if they have big boyfriends.
Him (to me): Do you have a boyfriend?
Me: No (Why, oh why am I so honest?)
Him: Do you want one?
Me: (in my most polite voice) No, thank you.
Him: I have a son who's 30. How old are you?
Me: 26
Him: Would you like to meet him?
Me: (scared that the son may be at the sale barn, just smile nervously)
Him: I'll give you his number.
He proceeds to write his son's phone number down on the back of a raffle ticket and hand it to me. I can not make this up, people. I was traumatized.
G-Unit Soldiers...
Last night was a milestone.
Almost a year after graduating from the University of Arizona, where he attended for four and a half years, Diddy went to his first Wildcat basketball game at McKale Center. It was very interesting, but not for anything that happened on the court.
You see, Banana's* dad (Papa G-Unit*), has season tickets and she gets to attend most games because it is a long drive from the C-wood to McKale. When we realized that Diddy and I would be making an overnight stay in T Town the night of a game she had tickets to - it seemed only reasonable that all of us would go.
There was only one problem - Papa G only has two seats. But, left to her own devices, Banana is very smart and she figured that the seat next to her is never sold. So she purchased a ticket in the nosebleed section (literally against that back wall of the arena) and figured one of us would sit in the unsold seat. No problem - right? Wrong!
To start off, Papa G's tickets are not just any tickets - they are in the front row (quite conspicuous). So as the game was getting ready to start the Seat Nazi* came over and asked to see everyone's tickets. Well, Banana didn't have the ticket for the seat so he made her move. She figured she would move up to the student section to sit with HHT* and all would be right in the world. Wrong again!
Seat Nazi was out to get her! As she was sitting in the student section with HHT (and no wristband), he appeared behind her seats. She had to hide from him! He was crazy and was ruining her game-watching experience, so she decided to move to her nosebleed seat for the remainder of the first half.
Let me back up a minute here and tell you that after Banana moved to the student section, Dances With Wolves* moved into the seat that she was going to use. (Diddy and I may or may not have caused a little ruckus about this.)
So...halftime arrives and SuperFan* comes over to see why we have been playing musical chairs all night. We tell her the story and she may or may not have caused a second ruckus with the Event Staff. Turns out Dances With Wolves held the ticket for that seat (shady I tell you) so we were stuck.
Luckily, SuperFan is called that for a reason and she had an extra seat in the third row of the student section where Banana sat for the second half of the game. The Cats won in a blow-out and much to Diddy's dismay my UofA shoes were a big hit!!! (I'll post a pic of the shoes when I get back home.)
So, kids, the moral of today's story is: If you ever become a "Customer Relations" person for McKale Center don't mess with the G-Unit family or you just might find yourself buried in a mineshaft.
Almost a year after graduating from the University of Arizona, where he attended for four and a half years, Diddy went to his first Wildcat basketball game at McKale Center. It was very interesting, but not for anything that happened on the court.
You see, Banana's* dad (Papa G-Unit*), has season tickets and she gets to attend most games because it is a long drive from the C-wood to McKale. When we realized that Diddy and I would be making an overnight stay in T Town the night of a game she had tickets to - it seemed only reasonable that all of us would go.
There was only one problem - Papa G only has two seats. But, left to her own devices, Banana is very smart and she figured that the seat next to her is never sold. So she purchased a ticket in the nosebleed section (literally against that back wall of the arena) and figured one of us would sit in the unsold seat. No problem - right? Wrong!
To start off, Papa G's tickets are not just any tickets - they are in the front row (quite conspicuous). So as the game was getting ready to start the Seat Nazi* came over and asked to see everyone's tickets. Well, Banana didn't have the ticket for the seat so he made her move. She figured she would move up to the student section to sit with HHT* and all would be right in the world. Wrong again!
Seat Nazi was out to get her! As she was sitting in the student section with HHT (and no wristband), he appeared behind her seats. She had to hide from him! He was crazy and was ruining her game-watching experience, so she decided to move to her nosebleed seat for the remainder of the first half.
Let me back up a minute here and tell you that after Banana moved to the student section, Dances With Wolves* moved into the seat that she was going to use. (Diddy and I may or may not have caused a little ruckus about this.)
So...halftime arrives and SuperFan* comes over to see why we have been playing musical chairs all night. We tell her the story and she may or may not have caused a second ruckus with the Event Staff. Turns out Dances With Wolves held the ticket for that seat (shady I tell you) so we were stuck.
Luckily, SuperFan is called that for a reason and she had an extra seat in the third row of the student section where Banana sat for the second half of the game. The Cats won in a blow-out and much to Diddy's dismay my UofA shoes were a big hit!!! (I'll post a pic of the shoes when I get back home.)
So, kids, the moral of today's story is: If you ever become a "Customer Relations" person for McKale Center don't mess with the G-Unit family or you just might find yourself buried in a mineshaft.
Thursday, November 15, 2007
Free Range Chicken...
I have a brilliant idea!! It may be my best one yet... I am going to sell organic, free-range chicken eggs at local Farmer's Markets.
I know, I'm highly opposed to labeling food organic. Be serious, folks - all food is organic (by definition, organic means characteristic of, pertaining to, or derived from living organisms). However, if people want to be ridiculous and buy overpriced food just because it is labeled "organic" shouldn't I be able to capitalize on it as well?
This is where my brilliant idea comes in to play.
A couple of days ago I went down to my grandparents' house to visit and get some eggs. My grandfather has been raising chickens for a couple of years now so most of the family just goes down there to get eggs a dozen or so at a time. Well, apparently, the chickens are liking the cool weather and they are in hyper-laying mode. (I bet there were 18 dozen eggs in the "eggerator" when I went down there.) I literally left their house with 7 dozen eggs - I can't eat 7 dozen eggs - I'm only one man (well, woman).
The next day I just happened to be reading the newspaper and saw an ad for a local farmers market - BINGO! - this my chance! I can take my grandpa's eggs (which by any definition are organic because he doesn't give them hormones - I don't think he gives them anything because most of them are missing quite a few feathers) and sell them to the suckers at the local farmers market. I figured I could get $2/dozen easy. All of the sudden it occurred to me that they are also "free-range" chickens. They have a chicken coop, but there is plenty of room for them to move around and once a day my grandpa lets them out to roam around the yard. We just upped the price another dollar!
I'm going to be rich!
I know, I'm highly opposed to labeling food organic. Be serious, folks - all food is organic (by definition, organic means characteristic of, pertaining to, or derived from living organisms). However, if people want to be ridiculous and buy overpriced food just because it is labeled "organic" shouldn't I be able to capitalize on it as well?
This is where my brilliant idea comes in to play.
A couple of days ago I went down to my grandparents' house to visit and get some eggs. My grandfather has been raising chickens for a couple of years now so most of the family just goes down there to get eggs a dozen or so at a time. Well, apparently, the chickens are liking the cool weather and they are in hyper-laying mode. (I bet there were 18 dozen eggs in the "eggerator" when I went down there.) I literally left their house with 7 dozen eggs - I can't eat 7 dozen eggs - I'm only one man (well, woman).
The next day I just happened to be reading the newspaper and saw an ad for a local farmers market - BINGO! - this my chance! I can take my grandpa's eggs (which by any definition are organic because he doesn't give them hormones - I don't think he gives them anything because most of them are missing quite a few feathers) and sell them to the suckers at the local farmers market. I figured I could get $2/dozen easy. All of the sudden it occurred to me that they are also "free-range" chickens. They have a chicken coop, but there is plenty of room for them to move around and once a day my grandpa lets them out to roam around the yard. We just upped the price another dollar!
I'm going to be rich!
Tuesday, November 13, 2007
Everybody Was Kung-Fu Fighting...
So I started my jiu jitsu classes tonight (I am announcing this on my blog in an effort to let a lot of people know so I won't quit). Let me start off by telling you a little something about Brazilian Jiu Jitsu (BJJ) - it is not easy! Not that I expected it to be easy, I just didn't expect it to kick my @ss!!! (I don't know if you're allowed to curse on blogs...)
Let me go through the whole thing with you (if my shoulder will hold out long enough to let me continue to type this - when did that injury happen?).
So a long time ago (like around my birthday) I talked about starting BJJ classes, but apparently I wasn't serious enough so I kept finding reasons not to start. For some reason - while I was in Reno last week, I was waiting for a phone call in my hotel room and I looked up classes again. I found a gym semi-close to my house and they had an internet special. So I signed up - 2 classes and a uniform for $19.95. I figured you couldn't beat it and if I hated it - I'm only out 20 bucks and I can be a martial artist for Halloween next year... (Seriously, my hand is going numb from my shoulder pain - is this a problem?)
Flash forward to tonight - class starts at 7:30 and I need to get there 15 minutes early to be fitted for my uniform. Done and done. (I didn't know what to wear to the gym, but it turns out I made a good choice.) There are large men standing around waiting for class to start, but I think nothing of it because there is another girl there so I figure I'll work with her. I can't begin to tell you how wrong I was. We started the class with a little running warm up and then right into working on some positions. (Let me remind you all that I've never done BJJ before - everything I am going to learn tonight will be brand new to me and the only things I know...) We work for about 10 minutes on X-Guards and I seem to catch on to those alright. Then the instructor says, "Ok, get a partner, let's wrestle." WHAT??? Let's wrestle? I don't know anything outside of X-Guards. I don't even know how this wrestling business starts. So he tells me to sit out the first 10 minutes and watch. That goes by and I get to wrestle with the other girl (we wrestle in sets of 10 minutes - just straight wrestling). After that time is up, he tells me to wrestle with another guy. This guy tries to teach me a couple of moves, which is helpful, but what is the likelihood that my opponent is going to fall into the traps that I need him to fall into in order for me to make these moves work? Turns out, the likelihood is slim to none. Needless to say that I wrestle a total of 4 people before class is over (if you're not a math wizard that is 40 minutes of wrestling) and the last guy turns out to be a yellow belt (which I assume is more advanced than my white one...).
I seriously got my @ss kicked tonight! I have a fat lip, my knees are all red, the tops of my toes have mat burns on them, clearly I've done something to my shoulder, and I may get cauliflower ear. But I am going back on Thursday and I think I'm in it for the long haul. I figure it's only got to get easier - and I'm hoping at some point, someone will show me some technique (since the instructor kept telling the other fighters to rely on their technique and not their strength...).
I do have a new found respect for CageFighter* now though - this sh*t is hard!
Let me go through the whole thing with you (if my shoulder will hold out long enough to let me continue to type this - when did that injury happen?).
So a long time ago (like around my birthday) I talked about starting BJJ classes, but apparently I wasn't serious enough so I kept finding reasons not to start. For some reason - while I was in Reno last week, I was waiting for a phone call in my hotel room and I looked up classes again. I found a gym semi-close to my house and they had an internet special. So I signed up - 2 classes and a uniform for $19.95. I figured you couldn't beat it and if I hated it - I'm only out 20 bucks and I can be a martial artist for Halloween next year... (Seriously, my hand is going numb from my shoulder pain - is this a problem?)
Flash forward to tonight - class starts at 7:30 and I need to get there 15 minutes early to be fitted for my uniform. Done and done. (I didn't know what to wear to the gym, but it turns out I made a good choice.) There are large men standing around waiting for class to start, but I think nothing of it because there is another girl there so I figure I'll work with her. I can't begin to tell you how wrong I was. We started the class with a little running warm up and then right into working on some positions. (Let me remind you all that I've never done BJJ before - everything I am going to learn tonight will be brand new to me and the only things I know...) We work for about 10 minutes on X-Guards and I seem to catch on to those alright. Then the instructor says, "Ok, get a partner, let's wrestle." WHAT??? Let's wrestle? I don't know anything outside of X-Guards. I don't even know how this wrestling business starts. So he tells me to sit out the first 10 minutes and watch. That goes by and I get to wrestle with the other girl (we wrestle in sets of 10 minutes - just straight wrestling). After that time is up, he tells me to wrestle with another guy. This guy tries to teach me a couple of moves, which is helpful, but what is the likelihood that my opponent is going to fall into the traps that I need him to fall into in order for me to make these moves work? Turns out, the likelihood is slim to none. Needless to say that I wrestle a total of 4 people before class is over (if you're not a math wizard that is 40 minutes of wrestling) and the last guy turns out to be a yellow belt (which I assume is more advanced than my white one...).
I seriously got my @ss kicked tonight! I have a fat lip, my knees are all red, the tops of my toes have mat burns on them, clearly I've done something to my shoulder, and I may get cauliflower ear. But I am going back on Thursday and I think I'm in it for the long haul. I figure it's only got to get easier - and I'm hoping at some point, someone will show me some technique (since the instructor kept telling the other fighters to rely on their technique and not their strength...).
I do have a new found respect for CageFighter* now though - this sh*t is hard!
Saturday, November 10, 2007
If I Ruled The World
As many of you know I have a firm belief that if everyone would just come to me for suggestions on how to live, the world would be a much happier place. I have often thought that I should be a life coach as a career (of course there are some people out there who say that I am a little too harsh for that to work...). I am confident that after reading the below post, you will agree that I should rule the world.
As I was waiting in the security line at the Reno Airport this morning, a number of suggestions for improved efficiency (and ways to make me a less angry traveler) came to me. I will list them below. If anyone has a direct link to God or Congress or perhaps the Administration of the Reno/Tahoe Airport - please feel free to pass these along.
1. Create a separate line for idiots, old people, people who have been living under a rock since 9/11/01, and anyone else whose stupidity causes the security lines that I am standing in to move at a snail's pace.
-On a side note: the guy sitting behind me at the gate right now has just dropped the F-bomb no less than 20 times in 3 minutes. I won't go into the reason for his tirade, but let's just say that he could probably benefit from some anger management classes. (Perhaps the fact that he is wearing multicolored striped socks and red clogs is one reason for his explosive anger - I don't know.)
(Back to my suggestions for the world...)
2. On Saturday mornings, (which seem to be very busy travel days here in Reno/Tahoe) have a reasonable number of mags open. I'm not saying we need to fully staff all security points on Tuesdays at 2 pm, but let's use a little common sense and figure that weekends are going to see a lot of travelers and one magnetometer is not sufficient.
3. Threaten security and gate employees with their lives if they so much as think about creating small talk with the people in line. I'm all for customer service, but your job is to move people through your respective area in the airport and telling us about your new collectors coin (why you would even think we care about that is beyond me) does not help you accomplish this job.
That should do it for this trip, but I would like to mention that I just watched a guy put a whole banana in his mouth and it freaked me out a little bit.
Alright, maybe I'll go put a dollar in the penny slots and see if I can win something...
UPDATE: I won $15 in the penny slots - I ROCK!!!
As I was waiting in the security line at the Reno Airport this morning, a number of suggestions for improved efficiency (and ways to make me a less angry traveler) came to me. I will list them below. If anyone has a direct link to God or Congress or perhaps the Administration of the Reno/Tahoe Airport - please feel free to pass these along.
1. Create a separate line for idiots, old people, people who have been living under a rock since 9/11/01, and anyone else whose stupidity causes the security lines that I am standing in to move at a snail's pace.
-On a side note: the guy sitting behind me at the gate right now has just dropped the F-bomb no less than 20 times in 3 minutes. I won't go into the reason for his tirade, but let's just say that he could probably benefit from some anger management classes. (Perhaps the fact that he is wearing multicolored striped socks and red clogs is one reason for his explosive anger - I don't know.)
(Back to my suggestions for the world...)
2. On Saturday mornings, (which seem to be very busy travel days here in Reno/Tahoe) have a reasonable number of mags open. I'm not saying we need to fully staff all security points on Tuesdays at 2 pm, but let's use a little common sense and figure that weekends are going to see a lot of travelers and one magnetometer is not sufficient.
3. Threaten security and gate employees with their lives if they so much as think about creating small talk with the people in line. I'm all for customer service, but your job is to move people through your respective area in the airport and telling us about your new collectors coin (why you would even think we care about that is beyond me) does not help you accomplish this job.
That should do it for this trip, but I would like to mention that I just watched a guy put a whole banana in his mouth and it freaked me out a little bit.
Alright, maybe I'll go put a dollar in the penny slots and see if I can win something...
UPDATE: I won $15 in the penny slots - I ROCK!!!
Wednesday, November 7, 2007
What Can Brown Do For You??
Catchy slogan that UPS has, isn't it? Well, the truth of the matter is, what they can do for me is deliver my freaking package on time!!!!
As I type this I am sitting in Reno, Nevada with none of my marketing materials for my booth. On Monday morning I went down to the Postnet store to ship my booth materials to the hotel so I didn't have to lug everything to the airport with me. They assured me that everything would arrive by Wednesday afternoon, which worked perfectly for me, so I paid the nice lady and went on my way. Little did I know that UPS's incompetence would hinder this plan. Rather than sending my packages to Nevada they somehow got sent to Vernon, California. I assure you that the zip code on the packing slip was correct - I checked it myself and it was exactly the same as the two packages that FedEx managed to get here in a timely fashion. So how they got Vernon, California from Sparks, Nevada I will never know. According to the tracking information on their website, my box is currently sitting in West Sacramento, CA (I didn't even know this place existed). I hope that everything will arrive at a reasonable hour tomorrow so that I can commence doing my job with more than just my charm (although I am very charming...).
In other happenings at the Nuggest Resort and Casino:
-I am amazed by the people who travel here for fun - or I guess I should say the people who throw their money away for fun. Seriously, is it that hard to understand that if a casino is giving you free night stays, they are taking your money somewhere else! They don't get to stay in business by being charitable.
-I was in line waiting for a table at lunch today and two of the above mentioned people were behind me in line. They were literally having a conversation about what they could afford to eat because they had lost so much money in the slot machines. Go ahead and pack it in at this point, folks, it ain't going to get any better.
-It is an interesting cast of characters here and the fasion issues are more than I can bear, but all in all, I'm having a good time and meeting some good people.
I do need to give a shout out to Diddy*. There should have been posts previous to this one that included our trips around Arizona, but I have been bad about blogging and I honestly can't remember most of what has happened. Don't worry though, Diddy, I'm sure there will be more stories to come. (And if you would get me that outlet that plugs into the lighter I could blog on the way home from events - I'm just sayin'...)
As I type this I am sitting in Reno, Nevada with none of my marketing materials for my booth. On Monday morning I went down to the Postnet store to ship my booth materials to the hotel so I didn't have to lug everything to the airport with me. They assured me that everything would arrive by Wednesday afternoon, which worked perfectly for me, so I paid the nice lady and went on my way. Little did I know that UPS's incompetence would hinder this plan. Rather than sending my packages to Nevada they somehow got sent to Vernon, California. I assure you that the zip code on the packing slip was correct - I checked it myself and it was exactly the same as the two packages that FedEx managed to get here in a timely fashion. So how they got Vernon, California from Sparks, Nevada I will never know. According to the tracking information on their website, my box is currently sitting in West Sacramento, CA (I didn't even know this place existed). I hope that everything will arrive at a reasonable hour tomorrow so that I can commence doing my job with more than just my charm (although I am very charming...).
In other happenings at the Nuggest Resort and Casino:
-I am amazed by the people who travel here for fun - or I guess I should say the people who throw their money away for fun. Seriously, is it that hard to understand that if a casino is giving you free night stays, they are taking your money somewhere else! They don't get to stay in business by being charitable.
-I was in line waiting for a table at lunch today and two of the above mentioned people were behind me in line. They were literally having a conversation about what they could afford to eat because they had lost so much money in the slot machines. Go ahead and pack it in at this point, folks, it ain't going to get any better.
-It is an interesting cast of characters here and the fasion issues are more than I can bear, but all in all, I'm having a good time and meeting some good people.
I do need to give a shout out to Diddy*. There should have been posts previous to this one that included our trips around Arizona, but I have been bad about blogging and I honestly can't remember most of what has happened. Don't worry though, Diddy, I'm sure there will be more stories to come. (And if you would get me that outlet that plugs into the lighter I could blog on the way home from events - I'm just sayin'...)
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