Hey! What's Going on Here?

Have you ever noticed how when you are with certain people, the same things tend to happen?

For example, when I am with BodyBuilder we tend to meet the most random people and we end up in very strange situations. Like the time a random guy took a bath in our hotel room. (Don't freak out, he was a friend of a friend, but he was random to us.) And there are a million stories like that. It seems that every time I hang out with her, we end up with a story.

Yesterday Such-n-such came down from Flagstaff to stay the night so that I could take her to the airport this morning; and it appears that when we are together, very strange things happen.

Instead of giving her directions all the way to my house, we decided to meet at PJ Fangs* for lunch. Once we sat at our table it took a while for the waitress to arrive, but we weren't overly concerned because we hadn't seen each other in a while and we had a lot of catching up to do. Consequently, when the waitress arrived we were ready to order. Such-n-such orders a noodle dish and asks if she can add chicken to it. The waitress thinks about it for a while and then finally says, "Sure, I think there is a protein option." Great. Thanks.

She comes back with our drinks and the little sauce tray and she doesn't ask us how we like it before she starts making it. She says, "I only put one scoop of this, but if you like it spicier you can add more. And I only put a little hot mustard because it tastes too much like horseradish to me." Umm, what if we like horseradish?

After a while, the waitress walks by and tells us that our food is being "trayed." We keep talking, not annoyed or impatient, just enjoying each other's company. About 10 minutes later she comes up to our table and says, "Sorry, apparently I didn't specify what kind of chicken you wanted so I just got chewed out by the kitchen." We don't really need the chain of events, we just need our food, please. The food arrives shortly thereafter and we begin eating. I start to run out of iced tea so she walks by and says that she is going to get me another glass. Then a manager comes by and asks me what I'm drinking. I tell him that the waitress has it under control.

We continue to enjoy our lunch when the waitress walks up, sets a plate of sweet and sour chicken on our table and walks away. Then she turns around and says, "On us." What? This is starting to get weird.

About five minutes later a woman dressed in normal clothes comes up to our table (I assume she was also a manager), and asks us how every thing is going. We reply that everything is great and she walks away. She didn't talk to another table on her way to us nor away from us. It was the strangest experience ever.

Then, this morning, as I'm driving her to the airport and we get on the freeway and we can see that a highway patrolman has a truck pulled over ahead of us. There are two officers and one guy standing in front of the patrol car and as we approach one of the officers begins running to his car. As we pass he jumps into the driver seat and the truck begins to pull away. Then the other officer jumps into the car and they take off, leaving the other guy standing on the side of the road. The truck is now travelling down the freeway at a high rate of speed and it passes our car and we get a look at the driver, who I'm pretty sure was a vampire. It takes the highway patrol car a very long time to speed up to the point of even coming close to catching the truck, but he finally does and we lose them.

I don't know if they caught the guy, but it reminded me of what BodyBuilder always says, "Go ahead and run. You'll just go to jail tired."

Run, Run, Rudolph

My question is: how did Santa see where the sleigh was going before Rudolph arrived to guide the sleigh with his nose so bright?

Rollin'

Some of you may be wondering how Granny Baller got such a name, so I thought that I would tell the story.

Granny Baller travels a lot. Mostly on cruises for long periods of time. A couple of Christmases ago she had just returned from a cruise and we were sitting at the table enjoying our Christmas dinner when my uncle started giving her a hard time about the trips that she was going on. Granny Baller replied, "That's how I roll." Of course everyone started laughing hysterically. Then my uncle said, "Your grandson, Prince William*, says he rolls like a Baller." To which she replied, speaking to Prince William, "So you know how I roll?"

And speaking of Granny B, the other day I was sitting in my home office trying to get some work done when she called to see if I could have lunch with her. I told her that would be fine and at the appointed time I arrived at her house for lunch. In the middle of lunch she says, "Oh, I almost forgot," and pulled a red gift bag out. Then she proceeds to tell me how she went to get her haircut that morning and she was talking to her hairdresser about how she wants my hair to be short, but I refuse. So her hairdresser told her to send me in and she would do my hair. Then Granny B says, "So, since I absolutely hate your hair, I bought you this gift certificate to get your hair cut by my lady." Gee, thanks...

Do You Understand the Words Coming Out of My Mouth?

Something about my family that you should know is that we can't let anything go. If we think something is funny, it will be with us for life. (This probably applies mostly to Match.mom and me...) So I've decided to make a list of things that offer timeless hilarity for us.

Hopefully you read the "Thanks Speedy God" post. That was apparently VERY funny to my mom and she brings it up all of the time. I think it was an innocent mistake made by a kid and the lesson to people should be to ennunciate!!

Typically, the Friday after Thanksgiving is spent decorating my grandma's house (we'll call her Baller*). She is a little Italian lady with very strong opinions on everything from my hair to how her house should be decorated for Christmas. So, needless to say, it is usually an entertaining venture to get Match.mom, Xou Xou, Superfan, me, and her into one house to try and get this done. We all have strong personalities (to put it lightly). All goes fairly well, we laugh, we yell, we sing Christmas songs at the top of our lungs, and finally, we get to setting up the Nativity Scene. I am unwrapping the people and animals for the scene and Granny Baller is putting them where she wants them. Two of the kings are already in place, but there isn't room for the third when I pull him out. So I say to Match.mom, "shouldn't we put the three kings of Orientar together." Before I go any further, I know that the song says, "We three kinds of Orient are...," but as a child, and with singers not ennunciating properly, I was sure that the kings were coming from a biblical land that was probably where present day Asia is located...

Below you will find more phrases that have been mispronounced by family or friends that we have not been able to let go.

Donged - ex. It just donged on me that you two are related.

Pig-Style Mess - ex. This room is a pig-style mess.

Mammiogram - ex. It's time for my annual mammiogram to make sure I don't have breast cancer.

Obeast - ex. That 7-year-old is obeast! He weighs 100 pounds!

Photogenic - ex. He has a photogenic memory.

Time To Get Serious...

So, I've been struggling a lot with posting on the blog more often. I know that there are people out there who like to read it and get upset when they visit and find that there is not a new post. I apologize to those people. However, I have felt for a long time that my posts had to be funny in order to be on the blog, and IT says that is not the case. So I'll try to post more to the blog, but it may not be what you are always looking for.