Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

I went on another date yesterday. It was a disaster!

To begin with, I had reservations about this guy.

First of all, he was 40 years old and was the youngest of seven children. That means that there is a good chance that his siblings are the age of my parents. He could easily have nephews my age.

Second of all, even his emails were awkward. I think that we have discussed before that I tend to attract awkward people. Match.mom says that it is because I am so comfortable with talking to people. Apparently those without that quality find it fascinating. Either way - I can only handle so much.

But, in the spirit of putting myself out there, I agreed to meet him. He lives on the other side of the Valley and since I was going to be on that side of town for a funeral it made sense to get together. He decided that we would meet at the mall.

As I stood there waiting for him, I got a text from IT, I was about to return it when I looked up and saw him walking towards me. At that point, I literally started saying, out loud, to myself, "Take a deep breath. Don't run away. Don't run away."

As mentioned above, and to him in the planning of this date, I was attending a funeral prior to our date. So, logic would tell you that I was going to be at least a little dressed up. This guys shows up in what can only be described as marginal yardwork clothing.

His shirt has to have been purchased somewhere around the time I was going to kindergarten. It was seafoam green and grey striped. And it was not tucked into his pants, which at time of purchase were probably light jean, and yesterday were closer to absolutely ridiculous.

Now, let me back up for a minute and tell you that I am not freakish about tucking shirts in. I like the untucked polo look if you pull it together right. Also, I'm not all crazy about men's fashion in the beginning (Match.mom always says that when you start buying their clothes, you can change it). However, if you can not figure out that you should put a little effort into your first date outfit, we have a problem.

In addition to this disaster of an outfit, he had man boobs (henceforth referred to as moobs). Clearly, I'm not the person to be judging people by their weight, however if you are a male and approaching a B cup, it is time to do something. And, he may or may not have been cross-eyed. All together, it was just more than I could take.

Then, within ten minutes of sitting down, he tells me that A. he has no use for George W. Bush or his father, and B. wants to debate cattle pen sizes.

Recently, I was telling a friend of mine that I don't know how to pretend to be anything but what I am. And I am sure that when he said those two things, my expression said, "Are you effing kidding me?!?!" And pretty much after that it was all downhill.

I actually thought about going to the bathroom and finding a back exit, but karma is a bigger bitch than me and I don't want her against me.

Chopsticks

I almost forgot - Diddy and I had dinner at PJ Fangs the other night and I was sitting with my back to the restaurant. At the beginning of our meal, Diddy pointed out an old couple to me. He had his napkin tucked into his shirt and we decided that true love is not caring that your partner is eating his meal like that.

When the old couple got up to leave, Diddy noticed that the lady was taking her chopsticks with her.

She must have some paint to stir also.

Which reminds me - Xou Xou called today. Granny B had hand surgery this morning and Xou and Match.mom were at her house and opened up a drawer and found the hidden stash of stolen chopsticks.

Hilarious!

Emergency Situation

As I was driving to the gym this morning, I saw a large cloud of dust about a mile ahead on the freeway. As I got closer, I realized that it was a car accident. A truck that was travelling in the opposite direction rolled into the median and landed upside down. People were stopping on the side of the road and running across the freeway. (Not safe!) As I drove by, I was on the phone with Match.mom and asked her if she thought I should stop. We agreed that I had no live-saving skills so I probably didn't need to stop.

When I told this story to Diddy later in the afternoon, he brought up the fire alarm incident in Denver, and reminded me that I'm no good in emergency situations.