Sunday, September 27, 2009

Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained

I went on another date yesterday. It was a disaster!

To begin with, I had reservations about this guy.

First of all, he was 40 years old and was the youngest of seven children. That means that there is a good chance that his siblings are the age of my parents. He could easily have nephews my age.

Second of all, even his emails were awkward. I think that we have discussed before that I tend to attract awkward people. says that it is because I am so comfortable with talking to people. Apparently those without that quality find it fascinating. Either way - I can only handle so much.

But, in the spirit of putting myself out there, I agreed to meet him. He lives on the other side of the Valley and since I was going to be on that side of town for a funeral it made sense to get together. He decided that we would meet at the mall.

As I stood there waiting for him, I got a text from IT, I was about to return it when I looked up and saw him walking towards me. At that point, I literally started saying, out loud, to myself, "Take a deep breath. Don't run away. Don't run away."

As mentioned above, and to him in the planning of this date, I was attending a funeral prior to our date. So, logic would tell you that I was going to be at least a little dressed up. This guys shows up in what can only be described as marginal yardwork clothing.

His shirt has to have been purchased somewhere around the time I was going to kindergarten. It was seafoam green and grey striped. And it was not tucked into his pants, which at time of purchase were probably light jean, and yesterday were closer to absolutely ridiculous.

Now, let me back up for a minute and tell you that I am not freakish about tucking shirts in. I like the untucked polo look if you pull it together right. Also, I'm not all crazy about men's fashion in the beginning ( always says that when you start buying their clothes, you can change it). However, if you can not figure out that you should put a little effort into your first date outfit, we have a problem.

In addition to this disaster of an outfit, he had man boobs (henceforth referred to as moobs). Clearly, I'm not the person to be judging people by their weight, however if you are a male and approaching a B cup, it is time to do something. And, he may or may not have been cross-eyed. All together, it was just more than I could take.

Then, within ten minutes of sitting down, he tells me that A. he has no use for George W. Bush or his father, and B. wants to debate cattle pen sizes.

Recently, I was telling a friend of mine that I don't know how to pretend to be anything but what I am. And I am sure that when he said those two things, my expression said, "Are you effing kidding me?!?!" And pretty much after that it was all downhill.

I actually thought about going to the bathroom and finding a back exit, but karma is a bigger bitch than me and I don't want her against me.


  1. f that guy and his green shirt. what is a guy who has sea foam colored shirts doing talking about cattle pen sizes. god for bid i run in to any man wearing sea fowm in my town because god help me i will......