Reindeer, Tiny Trees, and Holly Berries....Oh My!

On Sunday, Match, XouXou, SuperFan, JP, JP's mom, and I headed over to Granny B's house for the annual Christmas decorating extravaganza.

Of course you know there are stories to be told...

We have been partaking in this tradition for more years than I care to remember, so we have a pretty good handle on what goes where and how she likes it. The problem is, she doesn't always remember, so things that should take an hour, end up taking three as we remove and replace the same piece of tinsel fifteen times.

Part of me thinks it is just her way of keeping us there longer to spend more time with us...

Either way, this year, there was a little tiny blessing bestowed upon us. Right after we all arrived, Granny B had to run to Michael's to get batteries and ribbon. 

You see, Match and XouXou took her shopping prior to this event and they had purchased a roll of ribbon for bow-making, but when they got home she couldn't find her ribbon. She accused Match of taking it home with her, but that was not the case. So off to the craft store she went and into hyper-drive we went.

The goal: get as much decorated as possible before she returned.

So the adults started on the tree and us kids started on the front porch (aka the Enchanted Forest). 

Having done this for years and years, we had a good handle on what she would want it to look like, and if we got it finished and she just got to see the finished product she would be happy. Otherwise, she watches as you put it together and critiques every placement of ornament or tree.

Last year, Granny B decided to add holly berries to the big tree on the front porch, so JP and I got to work adding the berries. More on top. Even if you think there are enough, she'll want more.

By the time she arrived both tasks had been completed and we were working on nutcracker, Santa, and Nativity displays. 

She walks out front to see what we lovingly refer to as the Enchanted Forest and talks about how great it looks. Then she sees the holly berries in the tree and says something to the effect of, What are these doing here? I don't want those. I remind her that we put them in last year, but she doesn't want them so JP and I remove them and put them in a box to be returned to storage.

Then we begin placing tiny fake Christmas trees everywhere. Seriously, friends, every.where!

Picture courtesy of JP

Then, Match gets the bows put onto the new garlands and they hang one on the front door next to the Enchanted Forest. Once she closes the door and realizes that there is red in the garland, but no color in the large tree, she begins to ask for red bulbs. Much to her dismay, we do not have any red bulbs. So JP informs her that the only color accent we have is the holly berries she removed earlier. She reiterates that she does not want those.

Then not five minutes later, turns to SuperFan and says, Beeshk, go get those berries from the garage. And as you see in the bottom right picture, the holly berries were reintroduced to the Enchanted Forest as an invasive species.

But it is so nice for the reindeer.

One of my other favorite Christmas tasks is replacing all of the white candles in her house with red ones. So we are doing just that when I open a box of red candles and find a roll of ribbon. I hold it up to XouXou and ask, "is the ribbon she keeps accusing Match of stealing?" Xou confirms it is, so I walk up to Granny B and ask, "Is this the ribbon you've been looking for?"

She didn't even look at it, she just responded, "No!"

Then she looked at it and asked, "Where did you find it?" I told her that I found it in the box with the red candles so she begins to look at it a little closer; and then she looks at me and says, "I think you may be right."

I just made the Sign of the Cross and carried on replacing white candles with red.

Until next year, when we have all the same discussions again...

Miscellany...

truth

I have no use for Tom Cruise and his shenanigans, but if Top Gun or A Few Good Men is on TV, I have a VERY hard time changing the channel.

Like cancelling recordings of my favorite shows, hard time. That's serious.

***

I'm turning into a hippie, friends. 

About a month ago I started getting a pretty serious case of adult acne - no damn good I tell you. So I did a little research and I stopped taking my fish oil capsules, because apparently those can cause acne. 

Then I read about some natural ways to get rid of acne. I started with honey because Match had found something on Pinterest that talked about washing your face with honey and lemon juice.

For a couple of days, at night I would wash my face with honey and baking soda. Then I would use apple cider vinegar as a toner to balance my skin's pH level after the baking soda. Then I would use olive oil to remove my eye makeup.

So basically, I went to bed smelling like a salad bowl.

Then I came across the oil cleanse method, and that sounded like something I wanted to try. So I went to Sprouts to purchase castor oil and jojoba oil - holy expensive skin care regimen. 

So I've started the oil cleanse method at night and honey in the morning. So far, I think it is working. I'll keep you updated.

Giving Thanks

It's Thanksgiving week so I'll enlighten you all with a few things for which I am thankful...

5 am Crossfit workouts. Because they have changed my life, but also because after them I head to Diddy's house to shower and get ready. Then we eat breakfast together, which is always a hilarious occasion. 

This picture:

Because on Monday I woke up on the wrong side of the bed. I don't know why, but I was just in a bad mood. And this picture made me laugh hysterically. Can someone please tell me why IT and Ikea appear to be slow dancing and to the right of them, DVL and I both have one hand in the air, and appear to be rapping? 

Seriously, I am still laughing!

These four:

Because Biggie made me an aunt for the first time and I've never felt so much love. Because Tiny is a mini-me and I love every bit of it. Because SisterSmalls is a tiny baby diva, but when she falls asleep in your man arms, it melts your heart. Because Match knows just when to support me and just when to call me on my bullshit.

This guy: 

Because he is the most kissable baby on the planet and when he smiles at you, you just know that everything will be right in the world.

I'm Having Reservations

So, Diddy wants me to join plentyoffish.com.

I've been resisting his futile efforts for about a month now.

I woke up early this morning and have been killing some time on the internet and I thought I would check it out.

So I went to the website and ran a quick search of men in my age- and distance-range.

The third guy down had this as his intro:

It sucks that I have to begin with this, but to respect your time and mine, I feel compelled to get this out of the way first. If you qualify for one or more of the following, you should probably click on the "next" button...just sayin'

You are on (or in desperate need of) mood medications.
You have been to a meth lab, know the whereabouts of a meth lab, or considering your own meth lab.
You have enough emotional baggage to rival Samsonite.
Your insecurities have front row seats to your life.

Obviously this is not an all-inclusive list..but you get the point.

This is either going to be supremely awesome because I'm clearly up against (I shouldn't view this as a competition) doing much better than the women that are currently on this site.

Or this is going to be supremely hilarious.

I haven't decided for sure to join, but stay tuned if I do.

Making Choices

"People inspire you,

or they drain you -

choose them wisely."

-Hans F. Hansen

I am sure that we have all had those friends who just wear us out. We know who they are and our interactions with them leave us wanting more. 

We also have friends who inspire us. We are drawn to them and our time with them is always positive and fulfilling.

There are times in our lives when we are reminded that our time here is temporary - some of us more so than others - and it usually causes us to reevaluate the choices we are making and the people we are surrounding ourselves with.

I had that experience this week.

So I am going to try to spend my time with the people who inspire me from now on.

Wishful Thinking

One thing I may have told you before is that I love trimming the trees at my house.

I absolutely have no real idea how to properly go about it, but I enjoy it.

And when it comes time to clean up the mess, I would rather do just about anything.

The first time that I trimmed the trees in my front yard, Match and Papa were there to help. And Match trimmed the shit out of my Palo Verde tree. I'm telling you, it was naked when she got done with it. I nearly cried.

But she told me that you have to think of what you want it to look like. And that if it spends too much time growing out, it won't grow up.

I took that to heart.

About two months ago I told Diddy that he needed to trim the Palo Verde tree in his front yard. The limbs were practically touching the ground. It was out of control! It was definitely spending too much energy growing out and not up. 

He was stunting it's growth!

This past Friday, Janiac was coming to town and I needed to get my guest bed back from Diddy's house. I thought that it would soften the blow if I trimmed his tree first.

So I arrived just after 6 am with my coffee, tree trimmer, and gloves and got to work. I figured that he would be getting out of bed soon, but I didn't need him to start so I got right to work.

About an hour in, I had filled the trash can with cut limbs and I was running out of patience.

And I only had about 1/3 of the tree trimmed. 

So I unlocked the door and went inside. SuperFan was going to arrive at any minute to help me load the bed and I figured that Diddy was up and showered by this point.

I turned on the news and he came out of his room. When I informed him that I underestimated the job and it was bigger than me, he said, "I told you so."

Then he decided that he couldn't live with a partially trimmed tree so he got dressed and we headed back outside to finish the job.

As we were working - me trimming the tree, Diddy cutting the limbs into manageable pieces and stacking them - Diddy commented, "maybe we should start a landscaping business."

About ten minutes later, SuperFan arrived and Diddy remarked, "I wish a Mexican would drive by right now."

(For those of you who don't live in Arizona, he wasn't trying to be offensive. He was referring to one of the many landscaping companies that are owned by Mexicans that do great work.)

We sent SuperFan to Fry's to get some twine for him to tie his bundles of trimming and some sausage to make us breakfast.

She came back, but the twine she brought wasn't really working. I had just finished trimming the tree and I was making a pile of branches for Diddy to cut up and tie when a truck and trailer and two Mexicans pulled up.

They stopped, rolled down their window, and asked, "You want me to do something?"

Diddy, normally one of the tightest people I know, said, "You'll clean this up and haul all of it away?"

The driver said something minorly intelligible.

Diddy replied, "Fifty bucks?"

The driver agreed and they got to work.

I walked inside to SuperFan making breakfast and told her the story. Then I remarked that I had been out there for two hours and they would probably be done in 35 minutes.

Twenty minutes later, we heard the blower start.

It looks like we wouldn't be able to work fast enough to make our landscaping business profitable.