Thursday, October 16, 2008

Day 4 - Congratulations on Your Engagement

Before everyone points it out to me, I realize that I skipped Day 3. The truth is that not all that much funny or exciting happened.

So we're going to skip right to Day 4. The morning was pretty uneventful, we had some meetings and everything went fairly smoothly. The meetings ended around lunchtime and then we were scheduled to be in a canoe race. For the race we had to be in teams of four with two women and two men and we had to have a team name. Our travel group was perfect and we were "The Malamas." We did not win our canoe race. We weren't as bad as I thought we'd be, but we weren't good either. All in all, we had fun and enjoyed cheering everyone else on.

The best part of the day came in the pool after the races. The four of us were just hanging out, swimming, and going down the slide. One of the other families that was with our group was doing the same thing and we were chatting in the pool. The patriarch of the family asked us when the big day was - referring to the wedding of Banana and Bunner. Without thinking, I say the date.

(Before I go any further, I must tell you that we were pretty sure that most people at the meeting thought that Diddy and I were a couple. Apparently it is very strange for a man and woman to be just friends.)

So the son of the family looks at us kind of strange and says, "Oh, congratulations." Immediately, I say, "not me - my little brother!" I guess I must have been a little passionate about that because everyone was like, "it'll happen for you someday."

Later that night, we were at an event celebrating the agriculture of Hawaii, and the story was brought up again. At this point one of the guys who was also on the trip, who we know very well, told us that someone asked him how long we had been married. Let's get something straight, friends: When I am engaged and subsequently when I am married, I will be wearing a ring, with a beautiful diamond on it - until that point, go ahead and assume that I am not either of the above listed things.

After we had our fill of Hawaii-grown products at the event, we headed back to the hotel to have a couple of drinks and then head to bed. Because we are the type of people who don't really like other people, we chose a table away from the bar. It wasn't until after we sat down that we realized that there was some kind of reception (I use that term loosely) going on next to us.

Because of who we are, and I started trying to figure out what was going on. Let me set the scene for you:

There are about 20 people sitting at 6 different tables. The table closest to us had a family all wearing white tops and khaki bottoms. The table next to them had 6 people at it - 3 women and 3 men. Two of the women had flower wreaths on their heads and everyone at the table was at 70 years old. Another table held all women and one was clearly mentally handicapped. The other tables were normal - no matching, no special ed. There was a very small cake (a miniature wedding cake, if you will) at the edge of their dining area. After dinner, when they got up to cut the cake, four people (2 men and the 2 women with flower headpieces) participated. The weirdest part of it was that they only used one knife. Four hands, one knife. Then it occurred to us that the two women were wearing the same dress, different fabric. And each woman's dress matched her respective man's shirt.

My explanation was swinger wedding - I'm open to your thoughts.

There are two other things that are worth mentioning about this "party":

1. It was so boring that they started having foot races in the grass. And not just the kids. The adults were doing it too. But during one foot race an older woman was racing a six-year-old girl and she didn't let her win. The poor little girl was crying. Then they had another race and the dumb bitch beat her again. What is wrong with that woman?!?! I mean, I am competitive, but that is taking it a little too far.

2. Towards the end of the reception the mentally handicapped woman kept asking the waiter if there was a water slide at the hotel. (Keep in mind that we are sitting by the pools.) Then all of the sudden she was missing and no one seemed concerned. I was sure that she had gone to find the water slide and fell in the pool and was drowning. To the point that I was going to go find her. But luckily she returned a short time later.

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