About a week ago, Dirty Shirley came to Arizona to visit me for my birthday. And since B-Town isn't all that fun, we decided that a tour around the northern part of the state was in order. We just didn't realize what an adventure it would be...
We started out bright and early on Friday morning, headed to the Grand Canyon. As luck would have it Dirty prepared herself for 103 degree weather, only to be met with something closer to half of that. It rained on us all the way to the GC. And not like a steady sprinkle - a torrential downpour! My windshield wipers could not keep up. (You may remember this same thing happening with EID last August.) And the best part of the whole deal is that we were both in shorts and t-shirts with no rain gear or jackets.
Fortunately, (or unfortunately depending on how you look at it) the rain stopped once we got into the Park. As we made our way to the lookout point, we breathed a sigh of relief that we would be able to get out of the car without ending up as drowned rats. But we had to laugh as we walked up to the Canyon only to find it full of fog. You literally couldn't see to the other side. Or where the bottom was. Just in case you don't believe me:
So after about 10 minutes of that, we got back in the car and headed for Flagstaff. The plan was to have lunch, maybe shop a little, and then head to beautiful Holbrook, AZ for the night.
Plans changed. We got to Flag and it was still raining. But we bucked up and walked through it to get lunch at Diablo Burger, which was delicious. However, on our way to the restaurant we encountered some people splashing in the puddles with bare feet. And these people were not children - they were probably closer to mid-twenties and belong on the face punch blog!
After lunch we decide to forgo shopping and head to Holbrook and decide that if it is still raining when we get to Winslow, we'll stop at Wally World and get ponchos. As you can probably guess - it was still raining when we got to Winslow. (But I'll tell you right now that we never used the ponchos that we bought...)
When we got to Holbrook, Diddy and PapaBear weren't back from the ranch so we drove around town for a tour. And five minutes later we were back at the hotel (maybe we should go with motel) to wait. After everyone arrived, we headed across the street to the Empty Pockets saloon. The people there were so very entertaining! But alas, the boys were tired so we headed to bed to prepare for our morning at the ranch.
The trip out to the ranch was more eventful than the actual working. As it had rained most of the day before and all night, the roads were muddy. So we encountered some of our Native American neighbors stuck on the side of the road. The boys got out to help and Dirty and I stayed in the truck and laughed. The best part of the story is that they got stuck the night before and slept in the truck. Idiots.
After a morning of working cows, Dirty and I headed back the way we came. After watching 2000 sheep cross the Verde River and a quick stop to visit a friend, we headed to Prescott for the night.
We got to our hotel, and the man behind the desk had abnormally small hands. Literally, he could be a circus freak. Will it never end? Showered, changed and called a cab to Whiskey Row. This is where the fun began. As we stood against the wall playing our own version of "What Not To Wear," a small man came and stood next to us. You may remember this guy from Napoleon Dynamite, it was Pedro. If I'm lying, I'm dying. There is no way that the writers of that movie did not use this man as their creative inspiration for that character.
After a few drinks, Sweet Home Alabama came on and Dirty and I decided to head to the floor for a little dancing. All was going well until Geronimo decided that he wanted to dance with us. Trying not to be heinous bitches, we didn't turn and run. We played along for the remainder of the song while he spun us at the same time and then square-danced with us. Thinking back on it now, I can't remember if he ever said anything. Hmmm. So song ends and another good one comes on so Dirty and I start dancing again. Trying not to dance with him, but not being very successful. Then he grabs my hand and makes me dance with none other than Pedro. And besides the fact that Pedro couldn't dance AT ALL, he was kind of creepy. When the song ended and I said thanks, he just kept smiling and nodding his head. Next song, Dirty and I start swing dancing together - international sign for "We don't want to dance again with the freaks that we danced with last time." Apparently Geronimo and I don't speak the same international language and he pulled us apart and made me dance with Pedro again. I almost cried.
As the song was ending, Dirty told the G-man that we had to leave because our mom was there to pick us up. He asked if we'd be back tomorrow night and she said no. Then he proceeded to tell her that he would be at the square the next day blowing up balloons. Which was actually a nice warning for us to keep our eyes open. So we leave the dance floor and go get a couple of glasses of water at the bar, where we see Pedro buying a rose. Figuring that it was for me, we hide and then leave the bar in a hurry. Luckily, our buddy the cab driver was sitting at the curb and we jumped in were out of there. I won't go into the details, but suffice it to say, our 10 minute cab ride was very interesting.
So morning rolls around and we head downtown for breakfast. As we sit by the window in our restaurant enjoying our coffee, who walks by? Geronimo! Only he has apparently changed characters for balloon blowing and he is now Trapper Dan. I really don't think the guy is mentally stable.
After breakfast and a quick look around the shops, we left town headed for Wickenburg. After a pretty uneventful afternoon, we made our way back to B-Town.
That night, Diddy decided that he wanted to go to BWW for some wings and beer and we thought that sounded harmless enough. We were wrong. First of all, our waiter was like the butler in Mr. Deeds. He just kept appearing out of nowhere. Then, we ran into some people Diddy knows and one of the girls had a permanent bracelet, which just about made me throw up. Then, karaoke started. I can't even begin to tell you about the people who think that they can sing. And they were singing like it was open mic night at a bar in Nashville and they were going to get discovered by RCA. We laughed until we cried! And the best part of the whole thing is that the Karaoke Diva running the machine had a haircut inspired by the one pictured below:
I'm in North Dakota this week, so I imagine there will be some more stories to tell soon.