Friday, February 6, 2009

I Need A Man Around Here...

About two weeks ago I was sitting at my desk and talking to Banana on the phone. Innocently, I looked down and saw the BIGGEST spider in the universe crawling behind my desk. I freaked out. Literally, my heart was racing, blood was pounding in my ears so I couldn't even hear outside noises, it was out of control. So I run to get a shoe out of my closet to kill this intruder. However, he is sneakier than I am and when I returned he was in such a location that I couldn't get to him. So I just put him out of my mind and continued on about my day.

So today I go through the motions to get in the shower. I turn the water on so that it can get hot while I undress and get a towel.

Let's take short break while I explain to you that there are two activities each day that are strictly "Airplane-time." That is, a time when I do not have my cell phones and no one can bother me. Those times are the gym and the shower. I am very serious about these two occasions being uninterrupted. Matthew McConaughey could show up at my house and want to get in the shower and I would tell him no. That's serious.

Back to the present - water is warm and I get in the shower. I look down and who is there to interrupt this very serious time in my day? The GIANT spider. I almost had a heart attack. Which would pretty much be horrible. First of all, it would take someone a really long time to find me since I live alone. And when they did find me, I'd be naked. And finally, my water bill would be out of control if the shower ran that long... Either way, there was only one thing I could do. I had to kill the spider. I tried to drown him, but he was apparently a mutant and resisted my murderous attempt. So I look around and decide I have to smash him with a shampoo bottle. So, I'm in the shower, water running around me, with a shampoo bottle in my hand, and the intent of murder in my mind. I finally got up the nerve and killed the SOB. But not before he ruined my shower time. For the remainder of my shower all I could think about was the spider coming back to life and biting me.


  1. airplane... it's hard to protect the innocent when you right "... time." But, I got your back.

  2. Good catch! I was obviously traumatized and not in my right mind.

    And the truth is, I'm apparently not innocent.

  3. it's ok. look how I put "right" instead of "write" - i'm flawed too!