Losing Myself

I texted Big T this morning, I'm afraid I'm becoming cynical and untrusting.

I've had a rough week.

2014 is not starting the way I hoped it would and I feel like my soul is slowly dying.

I don't want to be angry and cynical. I like the loving and caring Airplane. The one who laughs all the time. Who believes that people are inherently good. 

The truth is, I don't think I really thought about what starting a business was going to do to my life. 

I have so little time to do anything.

I have taken on more responsibility at work because I need mental stimulation and job security, but it probably wasn't the best time to do that, as I am trying to start a business.

A business that is pretty close to the tipping point of either stopping growth or taking the next step.

I need to write a business plan. But I can't even find 10 minutes to write a blog. 

It turns out that 2014 is probably going to be the year that I finally learn how to say no to the things that are not priorities.

I'm afraid that those are the things I've been wasting a lot of time on.

Someone told me that they thought it was a sign of growth. I feel like that is a nice way to say that I'm getting old and grumpy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk taking care of some computer work and I started organizing some of the piles of crap that have been scattered around since getting the new desk and I found a book that I started writing quotes in at least eight years ago and I came across a quote that spoke to me.

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."

~Charles A Cerami

I want my driving enthusiasm to be great! I want to change the world. I want to be a person that people look at and say, "Because of you, I believed." "Because of you, I went out on a limb." "Because of you, I chose my destiny."

I feel like I'm running out of time.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

A friend of mine was in town this weekend and stopped by my house for a visit.

He grew up in my hometown and currently lives in DC - we'll call him JFK*.

And he is HILARIOUS!

So we were sitting in my living room chatting about his dating life and the following things were said:

JFK (While talking about a girl he is not interested in that a friend is trying valiantly to set him up with): She's just very simple. Like she would drink White Zinfandel.

(While discussing Tinder):

Me: Isn't that a super shady deal?

JFK: I've actually met some really nice girls on Tinder.

Me: Come on?

JFK: No, seriously. Like some legit Christian girls. Of course my roommate is also on it and he isn't meeting those kinds of girls.

Then he proceeds to tell me a story about a girl that his roommate started chatting with on Tinder when he was in an airport somewhere. They didn't actually meet, but she ended up in DC to visit some friends a couple of weeks later and she and her friends went to their house. 

So JFK comes back from a night at the bar with 7-11 nachos and gatorade and these strange girls are in his house. And he says to me, "You know you're in bad shape when a guy with 7-11 nachos and a gatorade is judging you."

It appears the bad dating stories are nationwide.

Randomly Catching Up

Where oh where have I been?

I think Papa is close to disowning me for all of the days he has come to this page only to find the same sad post as the day before.

For all I know, he (and all of you) has quit even coming to this page in the hopes of a new blog post. 

It's just that I started this business and it is taking up a lot of time and growing at a rate that I wasn't expecting. And since I cancelled my cable and thought that I would have all of this time to sit at my computer and write, I have actually started reading all of the books that piled up last year while I was killing brain cells watching mindless television. (That doesn't mean I don't still enjoy some television, just not the volume that I was taking in before.) (And to be honest, it's not like I'm reading some spectacular literature, I like to go back and forth between cheesy romance novels and things with substance.)

And I was still feeling a little blah from overindulging during the holidays. My cravings for sugar were at an all-time high and I was just barely getting it back together. So I decided to do a juice cleanse. And you know what I discovered? 

Juice cleanses are not so awesome for people who aren't really into juice.

Seriously, I've never been a juice drinker. (Thanks, Match!) I mean, as we may have discussed in the past, I don't even really like fruit all that much. So why would I like juice? 

Either way, I'm hopefully back on track now and the sugar cravings will cease.

We'll see.

The Smalls children are with Match and Papa for the weekend while their parents are gallivanting on some island and today Tiny was running around the house (inside and outside) with no shoes or socks on. 

So Match asked him, "What is your aversion to shoes and socks, Tiny?"

He responded, "I like bears, so I like to be barefoot outside."

I swear we live in one of those AT&T commercials.

How's Your Love Life?

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Match on my way in to work and she said that Granny B needed me to call her.

Match: You know Granny B's Democrat friend? Well, Granny B made her some sweet and spicy pickles and as a thank you, she brought over one of those three crockpot warming things. Granny B asked if I wanted it, but I just can't store another thing so she wants to see if you need it before she offers it to anyone else.

Me: Oh. I could maybe use that. If this food thing takes off and I start catering. (Yes, I'm crazy.)

Match: Ok, call her and tell her. She wakes up at 7.

Me: It's 7:05, I'll wait until a little later to call her.

The day goes on, I forget to call. 2:30pm rolls around and I yell, "OH SHIT!" out loud in my office. I just remembered to call Granny B.

So I pick up the phone and call her. After I relay to her that my mom told me to call her this morning, but I thought it was too early and then I just yelled, "Oh Shit!" in my office, she proceeds to tell me about why she needed me to call.

Granny B: Do you know my black friend?

Me: (suppressing hysterical laughter) Yes, I think I do.

Granny B: Well, I gave her some pickles and she thought she had to get me something in return. I just hate it when people do that. And it's one of those…oh, you know…well, I can't explain it.

Me: Do you just want me to come by the house and look at it?

Granny B: Oh, that would be great!

We settle on Sunday around 10:45 to give me time to deliver the air hockey table to the Big T house.

Sunday rolls around and Granny B calls right about the time I am unloading said air hockey table so I miss her call. She leaves a message asking if I want to go to Olive Garden for soup and salad. Obviously, I can not say no to this woman.

So I finally make it to her house and we get in the car to go to the OG. On the way there, in typical Granny B fashion, she says, "Do you know if there is a baby store around here?"

Me: What are you looking for?

Granny B: Well, I need one of those seats like they have at the Macaroni Grill for kids to sit in.

Me: Like a booster seat?

Granny B: Yes. BabyBunner is going to at the house for Christmas Eve and I need one for him.

So I tell her that there is a Babies'R'Us near the OG and we can swing in after lunch. Though I'm suspicious that she knew that and was just tricking me into thinking it was my idea.

We are sitting at lunch, waiting on our salads to arrive:

Granny B: So, how's your love life?

Me: Nonexistent.

Granny B: So a lot like mine?

Yes, Granny B, please do remind me that my love life is so lame that it rivals that of a 90-year-old woman. That makes me feel good about myself.

Then she proceeds to tell me that if I went out to places where you could meet men maybe I would have a boyfriend. I ask her what she means. She says, "Well, they aren't just going to show up at your house."

We make it through the rest of lunch, hit up Babies'R'Us, get in the car to head home when she asks me if I'm in a hurry. I assure her that I have a little time and ask what she needs. To go to the dollar store to buy some buckets.

Yesterday, Tiger and I were driving back from a basketball game in Tucson and he asks me if she still drives. I tell him that she does, but that I don't think she likes to because she is always tricking Match, Xou Xou, SuperFan, and me to take her on her errands. Then I proceed to tell him the above story and he says, "Is it really tricking you if you know it's coming?"