Monday, January 6, 2014

How's Your Love Life?

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Match on my way in to work and she said that Granny B needed me to call her.

Match: You know Granny B's Democrat friend? Well, Granny B made her some sweet and spicy pickles and as a thank you, she brought over one of those three crockpot warming things. Granny B asked if I wanted it, but I just can't store another thing so she wants to see if you need it before she offers it to anyone else.
Me: Oh. I could maybe use that. If this food thing takes off and I start catering. (Yes, I'm crazy.)
Match: Ok, call her and tell her. She wakes up at 7.
Me: It's 7:05, I'll wait until a little later to call her.

The day goes on, I forget to call. 2:30pm rolls around and I yell, "OH SHIT!" out loud in my office. I just remembered to call Granny B.

So I pick up the phone and call her. After I relay to her that my mom told me to call her this morning, but I thought it was too early and then I just yelled, "Oh Shit!" in my office, she proceeds to tell me about why she needed me to call.

Granny B: Do you know my black friend?
Me: (suppressing hysterical laughter) Yes, I think I do.
Granny B: Well, I gave her some pickles and she thought she had to get me something in return. I just hate it when people do that. And it's one of those…oh, you know…well, I can't explain it.
Me: Do you just want me to come by the house and look at it?
Granny B: Oh, that would be great!

We settle on Sunday around 10:45 to give me time to deliver the air hockey table to the Big T house.

Sunday rolls around and Granny B calls right about the time I am unloading said air hockey table so I miss her call. She leaves a message asking if I want to go to Olive Garden for soup and salad. Obviously, I can not say no to this woman.

So I finally make it to her house and we get in the car to go to the OG. On the way there, in typical Granny B fashion, she says, "Do you know if there is a baby store around here?"

Me: What are you looking for?
Granny B: Well, I need one of those seats like they have at the Macaroni Grill for kids to sit in.
Me: Like a booster seat?
Granny B: Yes. BabyBunner is going to at the house for Christmas Eve and I need one for him.

So I tell her that there is a Babies'R'Us near the OG and we can swing in after lunch. Though I'm suspicious that she knew that and was just tricking me into thinking it was my idea.

We are sitting at lunch, waiting on our salads to arrive:

Granny B: So, how's your love life?
Me: Nonexistent.
Granny B: So a lot like mine?

Yes, Granny B, please do remind me that my love life is so lame that it rivals that of a 90-year-old woman. That makes me feel good about myself.

Then she proceeds to tell me that if I went out to places where you could meet men maybe I would have a boyfriend. I ask her what she means. She says, "Well, they aren't just going to show up at your house."

We make it through the rest of lunch, hit up Babies'R'Us, get in the car to head home when she asks me if I'm in a hurry. I assure her that I have a little time and ask what she needs. To go to the dollar store to buy some buckets.

Yesterday, Tiger and I were driving back from a basketball game in Tucson and he asks me if she still drives. I tell him that she does, but that I don't think she likes to because she is always tricking Match, Xou Xou, SuperFan, and me to take her on her errands. Then I proceed to tell him the above story and he says, "Is it really tricking you if you know it's coming?"

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