Losing Myself

I texted Big T this morning, I'm afraid I'm becoming cynical and untrusting.

I've had a rough week.

2014 is not starting the way I hoped it would and I feel like my soul is slowly dying.

I don't want to be angry and cynical. I like the loving and caring Airplane. The one who laughs all the time. Who believes that people are inherently good. 

The truth is, I don't think I really thought about what starting a business was going to do to my life. 

I have so little time to do anything.

I have taken on more responsibility at work because I need mental stimulation and job security, but it probably wasn't the best time to do that, as I am trying to start a business.

A business that is pretty close to the tipping point of either stopping growth or taking the next step.

I need to write a business plan. But I can't even find 10 minutes to write a blog. 

It turns out that 2014 is probably going to be the year that I finally learn how to say no to the things that are not priorities.

I'm afraid that those are the things I've been wasting a lot of time on.

Someone told me that they thought it was a sign of growth. I feel like that is a nice way to say that I'm getting old and grumpy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk taking care of some computer work and I started organizing some of the piles of crap that have been scattered around since getting the new desk and I found a book that I started writing quotes in at least eight years ago and I came across a quote that spoke to me.

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."

~Charles A Cerami

I want my driving enthusiasm to be great! I want to change the world. I want to be a person that people look at and say, "Because of you, I believed." "Because of you, I went out on a limb." "Because of you, I chose my destiny."

I feel like I'm running out of time.