Since we’re being honest with each other, I have a
confession to make…
We are being honest, right? It is not just me, baring my
soul to you, you are joining in the honesty, right? Right? RIGHT?
Well, I actually have two confessions.
Confession #1: My name is Airplane and I am addicted to The Bachelor. I know, it is almost
embarassing. “Almost” because there are obviously millions of other men and
women out there who are also watching this sad excuse for television. I know
that for a fact because I follow some of them on Twitter.
Ok that might be embarassing.
But they are hilarious! And it is nice to know that someone
else out there hates Courtney the Model as much as I do.
Seriously, what is wrong with that girl?!?!
More to the point, what is wrong with Ben that he can’t see
what a heinous human being she is? I realize that she isn’t quite as nasty
around him, but she does make snide litte comments when he can hear her.
I guess I know what is wrong with him – he is a man. And
even worse, he is a man under 30 years of age. I am coming to realize that
there is a whole group of people (men included) who believe that until a man
turns 30, he is nowhere near mature enough to have a meaningful relationship.
I’m not passing judgement on this one way or another, but
there seems to be a lot of empirical evidence to support this claim.
So anyway, I watch the show. Religously. And I get angry.
Then I get disgusted – don’t these women know that their families are going to
be watching this? And, Ben, a word to the wise, if a woman’s mom wouldn’t be
upset that she was acting the fool and getting naked and running into the ocean
with you on national television, you may want to rethink the relationship. I’m
just saying, the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And bad judgement is not
reserved for beach flings.
Either way, as I was watching last night, Ben asked one of
the girls on their “first date” if she was structured. She, being an accountant
(ok, I’m stereotyping), said that she was. He then asked her if she could
handle an unstructured life. Which got me to thinking that a) I hate first
dates, and b) this show is stupid. You can’t choose a person to marry based on
fantasy dates and unrealistic settings. You have to see someone in their real
life. Anyone can say that they could handle an unstructured life (I mean, I
would never say that), but the proof is in the pudding, folks.
This all leads me to confession number two: I am a member of
eHarmony.com. I may have actually confessed that to all of you before, but I’m
not willing to read back through my blog at this moment to see if that is in
fact the case. So if you already knew that about me, pretend you didn’t.
I won’t bore you with all of the details, but basically, I
have been an active member on and off, for about 2 years. Clearly, since I am
still single, it hasn’t really been the most successful means to the end of
meeting a quality man that I would want to spend the rest of my life with. I
won’t lie to you (we’re being honest, remember?) it hasn’t been the best for my
self esteem. Which would explain my current off-again relationship with the
internet. Who needs to feel worse about themselves? (And for the record, given
the chance, I would likely punch Dr. Neil Warren square in the man parts, but
that is neither here nor there.)
However, in the spirit of putting myself out there (or
proving my insanity), I am still a member. The truth of the matter is that CK
hit the nail on the head the last time I was complaining about not finding
suitable matches – she said, “Airplane, if you were finding a lot of men that
you were interested in, I would be concerned that you weren’t being honest in
what you are looking for. You are trying to find one man, afterall.”
Nail head or not, I hate hearing shit like that. (There’s
that honesty again.)
While we’re on the topic, do you know what else I hate
hearing? “The reason that you have a difficult time finding men is because you
are intimidating – you are strong, independent, and make your own money.”
Really, people? Did I somehow jump in a time machine? Are we back in 1920? (Now
that I type this, I am fairly certain I have said that before, but no harm in
repeating myself for emphasis, is there?)
After some lenghthy discussions with IT about it (she met her
still nameless fiance on EH), she suggested that I solicit input from my male
friends on my profile. So that is what I am doing.
A quick lunch with Big T today revealed that I have some
things to learn about men and how they function, but also that there were some
good changes that could be made to my profile.
Let’s hope he was right and I’ll have lots of info to share
soon about potential suitors.
