Cape Fear

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. 

– Nelson Mandela

Wow – I sure have been serious lately. I need to get back to writing you all something funny to read.

It isn’t even that my life hasn’t been funny, because believe me – I laugh! It’s just that the stories don’t seem to transfer to the written word as well.

Either way – back to the reason I came here to write a blog for you to read…

I’m scared.

Of everything.

I wouldn’t consider myself a coward, but I am far from brave.

And as I get older, I am finding that I am more and more fearful.

I long for the days of youth when decisions were temporary (or at least we allowed them to be that) and major crises revolved around whose house you would slumber party at for the weekend.

In the gym I would say that I have conquered a lot of my fears. That certainly does not mean that I have been 100% successful at the things I’ve tried, but I’ve climbed onto the rope or the pull-up bar and tried. The next steps should be the easy ones.

In life there are still a lot of things that scare me.

Recently there have been some job offers/possibilities brought to my attention. And some of them sound enticing. But how do you know for sure?

I was talking to IT the other day and we were talking about wishing that we knew who we were earlier in life so that we could have been better prepared for today.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that the decisions I’ve made/jobs I’ve had/places I’ve been make me who I am today, but would life had been easier if I went to college (and declared a degree) with a better understanding of what I wanted to be “when I grew up?”

A former teacher told me that I have done well out in the real world and for that I should be proud. He is right. And I am proud of what I have done and the person I have become, but I don’t know what to do next.

I feel like something is missing. And I have no idea what it is.

And I am scared to commit to another opportunity, with complete and utter fear that it may not be the right one. And I’ll end up right back where I started.

I want to be the person who conquers my fears.

But I’m afraid.

Picture This...

Still catching up on Instagram pictures...

52/365

boy scouts

A local boy scout troop is earning their citizenship badges and I helped them out by setting them up to present the Colors and say the Pledge of Allegiance at a Council meeting.

53/365

patience is a virtue

I had a plan to make some delicious shrimp for Ash Wednesday's dinner, but I rushed myself and only made a so-so dish. I need to remember that patience is the key when cooking.

54/365

crazy!

You all already saw this and the results. 

Woot woot!

55/365

most important meal

Friday's post WOD breakfast - so DELISH!

56/365

carrots

Another repeat

57/365

snacking

A little popcorn and red wine to get me through the Oscars Red Carpet show!

Miscellany Monday

43/365

all grown up

I was at a public hearing for the Air Force base in our community and the speaker representing the Governor's office was my former intern.

I like to say I made him the man he is today.

44/365

a day of love

Lots of things I love on Valentine's Day!

Red shoes with zebra leggings, kale sauteed with bacon and shallots, red zinfandel, and paleo chocolate mug cake with coconut milk ice cream.

Yum!

45/365

long live cowboys

And the women who love them!

My grandparents have been married for over 60 years and in this picture they are helping to celebrate Arizona's Centennial with the state's cattlemen!

46/365

paleo goodness

The picture doesn't do this dish justice, but I promise you it is so easy and so, SO good!

Paleo Sundried Tomato Chicken Bake from everydaypaleo.com

47/365

drinkin', lovin', fightin' cowboys

Went out dancing with FredAstaire and Ginger for Ginger's birthday. I broke out the old shark boots for the occasion.

There are few things I love more than country dancing at a hole-in-the-wall bar.

48/365

defying gravity

Went with Glinda and Fiero to see Wicked at Gammage.

Loved it just as much fifth time! (And excited to see it a sixth this week!)

50/365

woot woot

As I previously mentioned - I hit a new personal record for a 5K and I am stoked!

Now head on over to Carissa's blog and check out a blog you've never read before.

In The Garden

Despite the rabbit's best efforts, my fall/winter garden was a success!

I harvested the broccoli and cauliflower as they were ready and yesterday after nearly dying at the gym, I came home and harvested the remainder of the garden.

Which included a ton of carrots!

56/365

After two seasonal gardens I have come to the conclusion that there are only a few things worth planting and carrots are one of those things.

There is something about fresh carrots. They are sweeter and more tender.

Just truly more delicious. 

Something funny - those purple carrots - they are orange on the inside. It was kind of freaky.

Stronger

Today I am 60 burpees stronger than I was yesterday.

My goal was 55. I seriously had done the math and figured out that if i did just over 7 burpees a minute I could make it to 55.

And then my judge told me to do 10 at a time and then rest. I did 10 in 40 seconds. Then another 10 and I was at 1:20. And then it all fell apart.

I had to go to five at a time.

My judge, who originally wanted me to get to 70 realized that wasn't going to happen so she adjusted the goal down to 50.

I got to 50 with one minute left and she started yelling at me.

"Do 10 this time - no rest!!!"

She just kept yelling and somehow I kept crawling off of the floor and jumping six inches.

I got the 10 and then nearly died.

My quads burned so bad I couldn't stand up.

So I fell to floor and stayed there for a while.

And then I got up and cheered another girl on - and she eventually beat me.

I didn't get the lowest number of our gym, and that I was proud of.

However, our gym manager told me that even if I did get the lowest number, I wouldn't come in last because I finished it.

And that is better than the people who never started.

Today I am 60 burpees stronger than I was yesterday!

Gone Crazy

It's official, folks.

I've lost my mind.

I'm not even being dramatic this time.

In what can only be described as radical behavior, I signed up for the CrossFit Games Open yesterday.

As you can see from the above photograph, the first (of five) workout consists of 7 (seven! and not the kind from the Friends episode) minutes of as many burpees as possible. With a six inch jump after each burpee.

I'm not sure if I have shared with you exactly how I feel about burpees, but I think this shirt sums it up nicely.

(sidenote: if you're looking for a gift to buy me - this shirt would be a good one! dearburpees.com kthanksbye!)

So, tomorrow at 10:00 am Arizona time, I will take on this workout. And then for the next five weeks, a new workout as they are posted. 

I would be lying if I told you that I wasn't scared. The truth is that I'm scared out of my mind. 

I don't want to make a fool of myself.

But I'll never get better if I don't push beyond my limits.

Speaking of limits - I joined the CrossFit class this morning for the first time.

I wasn't officially moved up, but my class was doing the above workout and I didn't want to do it two days in a row, so I moved up for one day, and one day only.

Holy Hannah Montana!

We worked on snatch-grip deadlifts, power snatches, and muscle snatches first. 

That was pretty easy.

Then we moved to 3 800m runs. Starting every six minutes.

That means that the faster you run the longer your rest.

Someone kill me.

But I did it! And I did them all in under four minutes!

I was trying my damnedest to keep up with the girls in front of me.

They were fast!

While I'm tooting my own horn - I'll go ahead and tell you that I took 9th place in my age division in the 5K I did last weekend! Out of 28 runners - that's not bad. If I do say so myself.

I'm Very Angry

*Please excuse any typos, I will edit them later - this iPad is tough to type on.*

It is apparently your lucky day because you get two posts today!

Unfortunately, this second post comes because I am very angry.

I was very angry with him. It cost me ten thousand dollars in therapy to say that sentence.

(Name that movie.)

To start off today I did not want to get out of bed. For some reason this week is wearing me out and I'm still super sore from Monday's million walking lunges.

So when my alarm went off at 4:05 am (which gives me enough time to push snooze once, get ready, pack my lunch, and get out of the house in time to make it to the gym) I was not thrilled about getting up.

Especially because I looked up the workout last night to find that it was Tabata and I was not looking forward to 8 rounds each of pull-ups, push-ups, sit-ups, and squats - each round with 20 seconds of work and 10 seconds of rest. Results are posted as total reps for all exercises.

Now, let me back up a bit - I can not recall telling you all about my frustrations with posting at the gym (and I'm on the iPad so going back and forth is more difficult), so I'm going to give you a quick refresher.

I hate it when people lie about their time or reps at the gym. A couple of weeks ago I had this discussion with one of the girls in my regular classes at the gym in response to a girl posting inaccurate results on the gym website. It was good to know someone else got as angry as I did.

So last week one of our workouts was a 350 meter row followed immediately by max rep push-ups. Our coach allows some of the newer people to do their push-ups on their knees (girl-style if you will), but if you have been there for a while and can do a good standard push-up she moves you to those.

Let's be honest, you will never get better if you keep modifying your workout. So it is to your benefit to sacrifice a few reps in order to build strength. But that is neither here nor there.

During that workout there were two women specifically who my friend and I thought should be doing standard push-ups. They have been in the gym at least as long as we have and they are posting better times/higher reps because they are doing modified workouts.

This morning as I was warming up I mentioned to the coach that she should make McDonalds* do regular push-ups. And she did.

So as we get moving in the workout, she is on the pull-up bar next to me and I am moving at a faster pace than she is. After the second round she asks me where I'm at. I tell her.

We finish pull-ups and move to push-ups. I am not doing great at push-ups, but I am doing more than she is. Next up: sit-ups. She may have been doing the same pace as I was in this exercise. Finally, we get to squats. Not only am I doing probably 2.5 to every 1 of hers, I am going deep into a full squat and she definitely is not. So the time is finally up and I decide that I am going to wait and let her post her results on the board before I do. I don't want her to see my number and modify based on it so I kind of hang back, get a drink of water, put up my ab mat, etc. I notice she is also lingering, but I refuse to back down. So my friend posts her number and it is 262 - pretty good considering that she did kipping pull-ups and the rest of us were only doing jumping pull-ups. She walks up to me and my back is to the board and I tell her what I'm waiting for. Then McDonalds posts her number and my friend almost passes out. She posted 323. I did 295.

I am telling you for sure and certain that there is NO WAY she beat me.

NO.WAY! period. exclamation point. ex.clamation.point.

I know that on some level I shouldn't let what others are doing bother me. It doesn't change how hard I've worked. But it is on the board for everyone to see for the rest of the week and I don't want them to think that I did poorly on the workout or that I didn't work my hardest.

So the moral of the story is don't lie and don't cheat. Or I will be angry with you.

And trust me - you don't want that to happen.

Just ask Diddy.

Pictures...

38/365

sound of freedom

I have mentioned my intense love for our Country and the military before.

I won't lie to you - FCP isn't my favorite organization for a variety of reasons I will not share, but I do love the sound of jets flying overhead!

39/365

take me out to the ballgame

I attended a baseball-themed dinner for work in preparation for Spring Training in our City.

I thought this centerpiece was adorable! Peanuts, sunflower seeds, and caramel corn - the only way to make it more baseball is to fill it with beer after.

40/365

hot pink heels

It is a very rare day that I wear pants to work - I can't help it, I'm a skirt and dress kind of girl.

But sometimes you just have to end your work week in your favorite shoes. And when they are neon pink it is best to dilute the look with a long pair of black pants. Unless your job includes "street sales."

41/365

afternoon delight

Janiac was in town for one night and one night only last week! She was apparently starving when she arrived at my house so I gave her some cheese, crackers, and vodka and I enjoyed a glass of wine.

She told me that drinking wine in the afternoon makes me an old drunk. I think it just makes me a good Italian.

42/365

louv

I spent some time on Saturday with two of the loves of my life! 

Biggie wrote me a special message on the whiteboard that I bought him for V Day. How cute is that??

43/365 

why-o, why-o, why-o?

I don't know why I look up the wod the night before Crossfit.

Let me tell you, getting out of bed at 4:09am knowing that five rounds of walking lunges are ahead of you is not an easy task.

A Day of Love

I was going to post last week's Instagram pictures today, but then I realized it is Valentine's Day so you'll have to wait another day for those...

First, I need to say:

Happy Birthday, IT!! Love you!

Second:

Happy 100th Birthday, Arizona! I love you too!

Now, on to a serious subject:

Love.

I was in my office during lunch today and I heard someone walk by and say they were wearing their anti-Valentine outfit. (Apparently because it wasn't red or pink.)

So I started thinking...

I will tell you honestly that there was a time when I disliked Valentine's Day too. And I do believe that people should show their love for their significant others every day of the year. 

I have to wonder what kind of hell you've been put through if you hate Valentine's Day though. Especially as a grown adult.

It is a day about love.

Do you hate love?

That's some serious sh*t!

Instagramming It...

Oops - clearly I missed Miscellany Monday.

Oh, well. Here are the pictures anyway:

31/365

cruisin'

We have been having a very mild winter down here in Arizona and I have been taking advantage by driving around with my windows down and my radio up!

32/365

home

I was invited to a reception at the Phoenix Art Museum last week and they currently have the Iconic Arizona photography exhibit displayed for the Centennial.

It was an amazing exhibit and I consider myself lucky that Match and Papa loaded all of us crazy kids into a minivan and drove us around this beautiful state so I could see first hand most of the things displayed on the walls of this exhibit.

Also, I don't know if you know this, but Dierks Bentley grew up in Arizona and his song Home is the official song of the Centennial. If you haven't heard it yet - I suggest you get it now!

33/365

babybunner

You already saw this picture, but you get it again.

Love this little guy so much!!

34/365

missing you

As I mentioned, I had to help Granny B purchase and install a new printer on Friday. While I was waiting for the software to install I looked over to the side and saw this sitting on her desk. 

It was Popie's from high school graduation. I'm telling you what, there are some days I miss him so much I can't stand it.

35/365

genius

Sissy and I took the boys to the Chocolate Affaire on Saturday where we found the Sweet Republic Food Truck and I got two scoops.

One of Salted Butter Caramel Swirl, which was very good. But, Oh. My. Goodness! That one on the top is Milk Chocolate Guinness ice cream and I could die right now thinking of how delicious it was!

If you are ever anywhere near Scottsdale - please stop in this shop and try their ice cream! You will not regret it!

(OMG - I just went to their website so I could link it up and found out that they sell their ice cream at Whole Foods locations - excuse me while I find the nearest WF Market!)

36/365

orange juice

On Sunday we headed out to M-Town for family lunch. I took one of the bags of oranges that Granny B had picked for me on Friday (Seriously, how many oranges does she think I can eat?) with the intention of squeezing them with the nephews.

Turns out Sissy doesn't have a juice and neither did Wal-Mart. So we settled for just eating them.

37/365

still adorable

Match was looking for Bunner's baby pictures to compare him to BabyBunner and she found this gem.

That's me holding Bunner in my lap.

Looks like I have always been this adorable! :)

Oh, Sugar, Sugar

I had to take Granny B to the office supply store today to get a new printer, which was an adventure in itself.

As background, Granny B has been having some pretty serious sciatic issues and has a doctor appointment on Wednesday.

As we were pulling out of her driveway she was telling me about her neighbor who is a doctor. He is having the same issues as her.

I ask if he's single. She says, "No, he is married. His wife looks like she is about 12 though."

She goes on to tell me, "I told him that his wife looked really young and he said he gets them young."

And then she tells me that she took a bag of oranges over for them and (I quote), "I gave her my card and told her to call if they ever need a cup of sugar. I always have sugar."

I sure hope they knew that she was talking about the granulated variety.

Welcome to the World!

Well, two things are official:

1. Blogging on the iPad is less than desirable because I can't upload pictures and I can't choose my font.

2. I'm an Aunt again!Yesterday, at 1:20 pm, BabyBunner finally made his entrance into the world! Weighing in at 8 pounds and 20 inches (he apparently likes the even numbers), he has already stolen the heart of this aunt! I think that it is still too early to tell who he looks like, but I know that we are all thrilled that he has finally arrived!! 

(I'll post a picture as soon as I get to a real computer or my freaking blogger app downloads. Geez!)