Cape Fear

I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave man is not he who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear. 

– Nelson Mandela

Wow – I sure have been serious lately. I need to get back to writing you all something funny to read.

It isn’t even that my life hasn’t been funny, because believe me – I laugh! It’s just that the stories don’t seem to transfer to the written word as well.

Either way – back to the reason I came here to write a blog for you to read…

I’m scared.

Of everything.

I wouldn’t consider myself a coward, but I am far from brave.

And as I get older, I am finding that I am more and more fearful.

I long for the days of youth when decisions were temporary (or at least we allowed them to be that) and major crises revolved around whose house you would slumber party at for the weekend.

In the gym I would say that I have conquered a lot of my fears. That certainly does not mean that I have been 100% successful at the things I’ve tried, but I’ve climbed onto the rope or the pull-up bar and tried. The next steps should be the easy ones.

In life there are still a lot of things that scare me.

Recently there have been some job offers/possibilities brought to my attention. And some of them sound enticing. But how do you know for sure?

I was talking to IT the other day and we were talking about wishing that we knew who we were earlier in life so that we could have been better prepared for today.

Don’t get me wrong, I know that the decisions I’ve made/jobs I’ve had/places I’ve been make me who I am today, but would life had been easier if I went to college (and declared a degree) with a better understanding of what I wanted to be “when I grew up?”

A former teacher told me that I have done well out in the real world and for that I should be proud. He is right. And I am proud of what I have done and the person I have become, but I don’t know what to do next.

I feel like something is missing. And I have no idea what it is.

And I am scared to commit to another opportunity, with complete and utter fear that it may not be the right one. And I’ll end up right back where I started.

I want to be the person who conquers my fears.

But I’m afraid.