Taking the Easy Way Out

Alright, here we go again, I'm stepping back onto my soap box...

There is a good chance that I have previously told you of the complete disdain that I have for gastric bypass surgery. Or any weight loss surgery for that matter.

I have long held the belief that we have no idea what the long term side effects of this procedure are. From the very first time someone told me about what they were allowed to eat post-surgery, I was convinced that anyone who had the procedure done and followed the diet would be malnourished in a short amount of time.

A couple of years ago there was a short blurb in the paper, hidden in the back of the section, about the number of people who were dying as a result of weight loss surgery and that many of them were, in fact, dying of malnutrition.

Another concern of mine stemmed from the fact that the actual issue at hand wasn't being dealt with. For many people getting the surgery, the underlying issue was an addiction to food; and that issue wasn't being addressed.

So yesterday morning I'm at the dentist and the hygienist and I are catching up and I ask about her family. She goes on to tell me that her daughter is not well. Her daughter who had weight loss surgery a number of years ago. Who they have scheduled another procedure to have her surgery reversed because she is actually malnourished.

She got to 115 pounds at 5'8". According to the hygienist, she looked like a war refugee. As these health issues began to arise for her daughter, they started doing research into the surgery to see if others were experiencing the same problems.

And they were!

I actually know someone who carried rolls of quarters in her pocket on the day she had to weigh in before having the surgery so that she would weigh enough to have them approve it.

Are you kidding me?

Whatever happened to eating less and moving more?

I know it's not easy. But it is healthy.

I tend to follow a lot of fitness/crossfit people on instagram and I happen to follow one guy who is documenting his own weight loss journey.

In May 2009 he weighed 480 pounds. At his most recent weigh in, he weighed 360. He is doing it with discipline and exercise.

Why is this so rare?

Everything Makes Music

I may or may not have told you somewhere along the line that Giraffes Can't Dance is my favorite children's book of all time. 

I probably have it almost memorized. And I have special voices (to the extent that I can do voices) and inflections at certain times. I have read this book to Biggie so many times that he can probably recite it to you verbatim.

I love this book!

So last week, when I got an email for the Mayor asking if he could take part in the "Read Across America" Program at a local elementary school, and he couldn't do it, I volunteered.

(Wow - that was a lot of sentence up there...)

Today was my day to read to a second grade class and I, obviously, chose Giraffes Can't Dance. (Sneetches by Dr. Suess was a VERY close second - what can I say? I like a book with a message.)

So I showed up at the classroom about 5 minutes early and the class was just getting back from PE. I stood off to the side so the teacher could get everyone in line and give them their next instructions. Once they were all in the class, she asked me how to pronounce my name and if I was a Miss or a Mrs.

The she showed me inside to the chair where I would sit to read.

The students were taking care of business and putting assignments away and clearing off their desks while I waited. When they were finished, she announced to the class, "This is Miss Airplane, and she is here to read to us today for 'Read Across America' week. She is the Assistant to the Mayor." And when she said that, all of the kids gasped, like they knew what Assistant to the Mayor meant and it was some big deal.

I giggled a little inside. 

Then she told them that they needed to move to the carpet as quietly as possible and sit criss-cross-applesauce so that I could read them my story.

While everyone was getting situated, another student returned from running an errand and when she sat down the girl next to her whispered, very dramatically, "She's going to read to us and she's the assistant to the Mayor."

I giggled again.

Then I explained to them that today I brought my favorite book along and I would be reading it to them.

Then I started...

"Gerald was a tall giraffe, his neck was long and slim..."

And they were enthralled! They laughed at all the right parts. I changed my voice at all the right parts. 

It was a smash. 

When I finished they all clapped for me and then sat there staring at me with admiration and wonder in their eyes.

The teacher came up and thanked me for taking the time to read to them and handed me a certificate and a couple of gifts.

As I got ready to leave, one little boy broke the silence and said, "You are a very good reader."

My day was made. I wanted to sit there and read to him for the rest of the afternoon!

I wanted to go back to the office and ask if any other classes needed readers.

"What's Thursday look like? I can come in and move from classroom to classroom."

The Curtain Fiasco

So, you'll remember that I recently purchased curtains for my sliding glass door and I had Match and Papa scheduled for a Super Saturday of Fun to hang said curtains up.

Well, as you read earlier, I've begun to lose control of my life.

So what actually happened on "Super Saturday of Fun" was that Match, Papa, and I headed out to M-Town to watch Biggie play a football game and bring Tiny back to B-Town with us. 

When I got to Match and Papa's house that morning to ride to M-Town, she said to me, "Papa is pretty tired, how about me, You, and Tiny hang the curtains this afternoon. Sissy and I hung the curtains in her house alone."

I agreed, how hard could it be, right?

Yeah, famous last words...

Things started out pretty good, we did a little measuring made some decisions and put the first curtain rod anchor in without an issue.

The second anchor was a little more difficult, but we powered through and things were looking good.

About this time, Tiny was getting a little antsy and kept running around my house getting nails, screws, and anything else he could find to hand to me up on the ladder. Also, the arches of my feet started to ache from standing on the ladder for so long. I have a new respect for anyone who has to spend any increment of time on a ladder everyday.

Tiny was clearly a big help!

So, we move on to the third anchor and the proverbial shit hits the fan! I'm telling you, it got nutty. I threw a hammer and a pair of pliers. I cursed Papa. I nearly threw my drill. Match got up on the ladder and broke the anchor and now we were effed!

We had been at this project for the better part of 3 hours at this point and I know Papa was up from his nap, but clearly not concerned about the fact that he hadn't heard from Match regarding the project that should have been complete by now.

In the middle of all of that, Tiny decided that he wanted chocolate milk. Well, Aunt Airplane doesn't have Ovaltine. Or milk. But he opens my fridge and sees a container of heavy whipping cream and says, "You have milk."

So I look in the pantry and find some dark chocolate and ask Match if she thinks I can melt it and sweeten it and make chocolate milk. She is up on the ladder breaking shit, and says it is worth a try.

It wasn't worth a try. 

So, we all load up in the truck to head to Lowe's because now we need a new curtain rod anchor and a drywall repair kit. (Don't ask - trust me.) And Tiny needs some chocolate milk.

We finally get home and get the third anchor up, the dry wall patched, and the curtains hanging; but there may or may not be two screws sticking out a wall in my house that need to be cut off. And I may or may not still be finding tiny nails that Tiny scattered throughout the house.

The finished product!

Chivalry Is Not Dead

Last week, I was at a dinner with the Arizona Cattle Growers Association and I ran into a gentleman that I have a met a few times before.

In the past, we have probably given each other a hard time a little, but he is a super nice guy.

So he ends up sitting with my family at the dinner and when I went to sit down, he moved my chair out for me. 

I didn't really think anything of it. 

When dinner was over, everyone got up and was milling around and socializing and generally enjoying the company.

Match and Papa were getting ready to leave and he went over to say goodbye to them. I was not near them, but I noticed that he took his hat off and gave Match a hug goodbye.

A couple of minutes later he came up to me and we were talking about Match, he asked me again what her name was and I told him. Then he said, "I won't call her that."

Me: What will you call her?

Him: Mrs. A

Me: I'm sure she would prefer that you call her Match.

Him: I'm sorry, I wasn't raised that way. Until she tells me otherwise, I will address her as Mrs. A.

I may have melted a little.

Flash forward another half hour or so and we are walking out at the same time. He gives me a hug and then asks where my car was parked. I pointed in the general direction and he said, "I'll walk you over there."

And then he put his arm out for me to put mine through and I melted a little bit more.

As we walked to the car we chatted and when we got there and I unlocked the door, he opened my car door for me.

And I became a puddle on the ground. 

Seriously, I never really think about men being chivalrous, I don't really expect that kind of behavior. But having it bestowed upon me made me realize how incredibly nice it is.

Chivalry is not dead, it is living on a ranch in the middle of nowhere Arizona, and it is pretty great.

Out of Control

Janiac called me this morning at 11, and I was sitting in front of my computer drinking coffee (as I had only been out of bed for about 30 minutes) and eating dark chocolate covered almonds for breakfast.

I think it is safe to say that my life has spiraled out of control...

Speaking of out of control, do you want to know something crazy about me?

Too bad, you're going to hear it anyway:

I saw a girl from high school on Wednesday and I was telling her how I felt like I was losing control because people were changing events and canceling plans and not making plans in a timely fashion. And she said, "Oh, I'm so glad it's not just me. My mom is always yelling at me that I can't control everyone else's lives."

To which I responded, "We don't want to control everyone else's lives, just the part of it that interconnects with ours..."

So, later that evening Match and I were driving to a dinner and I was telling her that story.

Me: Who would have thought that her and I would be similar in that respect?

Match: Not me.

Me: Well, I'm pretty sure that she is a Gemini too - I think her birthday is at the beginning of June.

Match (looking at me like I'm crazy): Are you serious?

Me: Yes, I'm pretty sure it's the first week of June.

Match: I'm going to look it up on Facebook - if you are right, that's going to be effing weird.

While she is looking on Facebook, I will tell you that this girl and I weren't great friends in high school. I mean it was a small school (less than 200 people in my graduating class) so we all knew each other, but her and I didn't hang out all the time and we certainly haven't done a lot of hanging out since graduating high school.

Match: Oh.My.Gosh!

Me: What? Was I right?

Match: It is June 9th. That is ridiculous.

I can't help it, you guys. I don't know why I know that. I don't know why I remember the birthdays of people forever and ever, even years after they are out of my life.

I guess I'm just awesome that way.

It's Not You. It's Everyone.

I had lunch with Granny B yesterday.

As we were driving out of her neighborhood I told her that the guy at the guard gate told me to tell her hello, but I didn't get his name.

She said, "Did he go on and on telling you how great I am?"

I responded that he did.

She said, "Oh, I know who you're talking about. In my experience all of the nice ones like that are married. Only the jerks are single."

Then she goes on to tell me the following story.

There's a guy I play bridge with and right before Christmas he walked me out to my car after bridge. And he said, 'Oh, you have a handicap?' And I lied a little. I said that it was my late husband's, but that I wasn't giving it up. He said he didn't blame me. Then the next week, I walked into bridge and he was sitting in the corner smiling at me and I just ignored him. I'm not looking for any friendships. I'm in heaven all by myself. You know what I mean? So after, I went up and apologized to him for not smiling back. I just told him, 'I'm not interested getting involved in anything. It's not you, it's everyone. I mean, I don't mind when Neil teases me. Or Bob. Oh, that Neil he teases me all the time.

Happy Happy Happy Hour

Having both had unbelievably long Tuesdays, Diddy and I decided that we would meet up this evening for a happy, happy, happy hour. (If you don't watch Duck Dynasty - you should.)

Somehow we got on the subject of my private investigative skills.

You see, yesterday I was telling Sissy, SuperFan, PapaBear, and Diddy that I had been thinking about a guy that Sissy had dated previously who we hadn't heard from in a while so I found him on the internet. I filled them in on the details of his life, as I knew them; and Sissy told me that I should be a private investigator.

So I was telling Diddy again how that warmed my heart. (I really like it when people recognize my strengths...)

So Diddy says, "This has been our plan for a long time, remember? I was going to be your partner? But what we really need to do is have a stakeout."

Me: "Yes, I know. But you ruined our last stakeout because you kept going out of town when it was scheduled."

Diddy: "We'll have to eat peanut butter and pee in a jar."

Me: "I'm not supposed to have peanut butter. Can we get almond butter?"

Diddy: "Sure. I guess you don't mind peeing in jar. I really thought that would be the sticking point for you. But no, it was the peanut butter."

Adventures in Baking

Last night Glinda and I cashed in on a Living Social Deal we bought.

In a quest to try new things, we are trying to purchase deals that give us the opportunity to try activities we might not normally try.

Last night was a baking class.

Clearly I'm not much of a baker - you know, the whole gluten thing and all, but I figured, what the heck!

Then we checked out the list of classes and we thought we would try out the "Chocolate Surprise" class - thinking that chocolate would be something along the lines of candy and I would be able to eat it.

I arrived at Glinda's early so that we could go out for dinner ahead of time, and when I got there she appeared a little frazzled. We decided that we would grab some dinner and margaritas in advance of the baking class. 

That turned out to be the best idea we ever had!

We get into the classroom, with like 35 other people, and find our seats.

The class starts and it appears that we have somehow found our way into "Baking for People Who Have Never Been in a Kitchen."

Seriously, people were asking the dumbest questions, and the only thing that kept us there was the tequila in our blood and the hot assistant.

We totally were the girls in the back of the room laughing at inappropriate times.

At one point the teacher asks if we like milk or dark chocolate and Glinda turns to me and says, "I like my chocolate like I like Tyson Beckford."

My response, "Naked?"

I am telling you, the entire class was full of innuendo and outuendo. (If you can identify that line, we will be friends forever!)

Some examples:

"I won't get it all over - I have the right finger maneuvers."

"The trick is not to over beat it. You don't want it to get too hard."

It was out of control!

Our next adventure is glass blowing next month. Stay tuned!

My Quest to be a Grown-Up

The other day I was talking to one of my sorority sisters - we only chat every six months or so, but it's always like we talked just yesterday. She has an 11-month-old boy and she is overwhelmed. She teaches high school French and recently ran the Marine Corps Marathon. 

We got to talking about college because they are bringing our sorority back to our alma mater and there are a group of us who would be willing to head down there to help out in getting it all set up again.

Either way, we were both lamenting this grown up life. Obviously for different reasons. Having both graduated in four years from college, we decided that we were just too excited to get into this daily grind...

This year I am really trying to make my house look like an adult lives in it. That sounds so silly, because it certainly doesn't look like children live there, but I haven't really focused on decorations and the such. 

I moved in seven years ago. I was 24 years old and had just bought a house. There really wasn't money for decorating. Heck - there wasn't money for furniture and that's the reason that there is a mish-mash of it all over my house. It works for me, and I don't think it looks horrible. 

If you do, you can keep that opinion to yourself. :)

(That may be there first time I've ever typed a smiley face into a blog post.)

So, with my mish-mash of furniture, I am on the quest to decorate. And slowly but surely it is all coming together.

My goal is to do one thing a month, because it can get pretty darn expensive!

This month, it is curtains in the living room. And hopefully after a Super Saturday of Fun with Match and Papa, those curtains will be hanging up beautifully and I can move on to my next goal - a giant picture next to the sliding glass door.

A couple of weeks ago, Match and I made the rounds at all of the stores you would think to buy curtains with no luck. You see, my sliding glass door is apparently giant and curtains are difficult to find in the correct sizes. So then we spent the better part of an hour scanning the internet before we finally found what we believe will be acceptable window coverings.

They came in last week, so on Sunday I began my quest for a curtain rod. I started at Target to no avail - back to that giant window...

A little disheartened, I decided that I would stop at Lowe's on the way home and if I didn't have any luck there, I would go back to scanning the internet.

So I'm standing in the curtain rod aisle of Lowe's, perusing my options when the gentleman who works there asks if I need any help.

I tell him that I am trying to find a curtain rod, but I'm totally overwhelmed with the decision because it is going to be in the main room of my house and everyone will see it and I don't know what I like and, and, and...

He looks at me and like the most fabulously gay friend ever, says, "Well, you look like you have great style, so I think you should just go with what you like."