Why I CrossFit

I know that there are a multitude of articles out there about why CrossFit is bad. And why people hate it. And I've read quite a few of them. And they all make my blood pressure rise.

And the truth is that those of you reading this are my family and friends who already know why I CrossFit or how I feel about it, but I just had to write it down.

In the beginning, I did CrossFit because a friend from college was posting about it on Facebook and it sounded awesome.

Then Banana bought a 12-class punch card at the local gym, but before she could use it, Bunner got a new job and they moved to the other side of town. And in a manner totally unlike any fitness institution I have ever visited, they let her transfer those classes to me.

That was over three years ago. 

Since the moment I walked into the gym for my first WOD - Run 400m, Row 500m, Run 400m, Row 500m - I have been encouraged by the coaches at the gym. 

I CrossFit because on the days when a skill is failing me, my classmates rally around me and offer me tips to get better.

I CrossFit because on the days when I hit a PR, everyone cheers for me.

For the first time in my fitness life, I can see the changes in my body. I can feel the strength that I am gaining. I can record my victories.

I CrossFit because the community is amazing. Because when I am out of town and get the courage to go to another gym (even though I wouldn't consider myself a "cross fitter" because of my weaknesses), the coaches and patrons of those gyms cheer for me just as loudly as my own coaches and classmates.

I have worked with a number of trainers, some of whom are still my friends, but I have never worked with people like my CrossFit coaches who try to understand me as an individual and work with me to use my strengths and weaknesses to achieve my goals.

I CrossFit because I love it. I wake up at 4:15 four mornings a week (even on my day off) because I have never finished a lift or a WOD and thought, I wish I would have stayed in bed instead of doing that.

And for me, the love of the game is one of the most important things. Because when I'm feeling down because I think I should be smaller or stronger or more gymnasty, if I didn't love it, I would quit. 

I know that CrossFit isn't for everyone - that doesn't stop me from trying to get them to give it a shot. I would love it if my entire family went to CrossFit with me, but that isn't realistic nor is it my reality.

I CrossFit because I know that I am building a body that I can be proud of. I know that I am living healthier than I have ever lived before. And I know that I have a gym and a worldwide community full of people who get that.

I CrossFit because I can.

The "Situation"

There is something that I have been avoiding telling all of you.

For no reason other than I don't want to have to answer any questions about it.

I am online dating again.

I really struggle between the two arguments of dating:

1. You'll find someone when you aren't looking.

b. You have to put yourself out there.

Honestly, I think that it is all bullshit. I think you just have to do what feels right and live life. So that's what I'm doing.

I signed back up for eHarmony and signed away my first born child. (Seriously, this shit doesn't come cheap.)

And with Match's words in mind, You have to stop finding reasons to not date people, I started this crazy process.

There have been some bumps along the way, some shady characters, some far-reaches, and one person I refused to answer based solely on his picture. Motorcycles and bathrooms selfies I may let slip by, but if the only picture you have posted is an animation of the Archangel Michael, I'm out!

I've tried to go into this with the realization that not everyone is going to like me, but that is ok because I'm not going to like everyone. 

With all that being said, let's get to the situation.

A couple of weeks ago, a gentleman from Tucson initiated communication. I wasn't thrilled with the fact that he lived in Tucson, but hearing Match's voice in my ear made me respond. 

So we made it through to the open communication stage and sent a few emails back and forth.

Nothing earth-shattering, but nothing that made me want to hide my profile and block him from every communicating again.

Then he sends a message and at the end of it says, "There's something that I've been wanting to ask you: I am enjoying communicating with you, but obviously there is some distance between us. What are your thoughts on this?"

I respond that while I don't think the distance is ideal, I also don't think it is an insurmountable issue.

A couple of days later he emails back that he thinks it is too early to decide either way and he will be in Phoenix visiting a friend over the weekend and would I like to get coffee.

I agree to coffee. We meet for coffee. Things go fine.

Again, nothing earth-shattering, but we have a nice conversation. He's pretty nerdy and a little awkward, but I'm used to this so I roll with it.

Then it's time to say goodbye and it just kind of ends. A couple of "nice to meet yous," but no plans for future meetings or follow-up.

I assume we won't talk again. I wasn't really motivated by our meeting or previous communication to reach out, and I figured he felt the same.

So you can imagine my surprise when I get a text out of the blue a couple of days later. 

Again, I would like to reiterate that since I walked away from him at the coffee shop I have not tried to communicate with him. I have not viewed his profile online. I have not sent a text. I have not emailed. 

Him: Hey. It was nice meeting you this weekend. Have you given any thought to our situation?

Wait, what? You guys, we honestly didn't even talk about the "situation" while having coffee. No mention of the distance. No discussion of thinking about it. I mean, we were on a first date at coffee, for the love of Pete.

But again, I'm trying to be open-minded and let things work out the way they should so I respond.

Me: It was nice meeting you as well. I guess for me the distance doesn't seem insurmountable - I wouldn't say that I often travel between the two cities now, but I have in the past. What do you think?

Him: Honestly the distance for me was kind of rough. It just seems like it would be a lot of traveling for both of us and that wouldn't be fair to either one of us. I would prefer to stay in Tucson.

So why are we having this conversation? I didn't ask you to leave Tucson on a permanent basis. I didn't even ask you to leave Tucson to have coffee with me.

I don't understand. 

One friend told me that it sounded like he was breaking up with me.

I told him, "In that case, I'm going to respond, 'I don't think this is going anywhere. We should probably break up.'"

Self-Fulfilling Prophecies

When I was in college (I think), in a psychology class (I think), I learned about something called self-fulfilling prophecy. I don't remember all of the ins and outs of it, and I'm not really willing to look it up, but we can safely say that the gist of it is, if you think something is going to happen a certain way, it generally will.

Basically, your attitude determines your results. In everything.

If, for example, you think/say that every time you travel your flights are delayed or your bags are lost or something bad happens; the chances are good that when you travel one of those things will happen.

I will admit to being guilty of this. I have said, "that will never work for me." And it didn't.

"He'll never go for a girl like me." And he didn't.

"They won't hire me." And they didn't.

It's not that I didn't try for those things I wanted, but I mentally sabotaged myself. Even if I didn't realize it at the time.

I recently told someone, "I have a hard time feeling bad for people who create the situation they are in, which I am expected to feel bad for."

The time is now to think positive. To say, "I can do that."

"I will do that."

"This is going to be amazing!"

Sin Pesar

I really try to live my life without regret. Unfortunately, today that is impossible.

I don't think that I mentioned before that I am currently vacationing in Europe. I flew from Phoenix to Frankfurt, stayed there for a couple of days, then flew to Madrid (where I am now) for five days. Tomorrow I will fly back to Frankfurt, spend two more nights and then head home.

As part of the trip, today we took the fast train to Segovia from Madrid. For this entire trip, we have been looking for cute men for me. Why? Why not?

So today, an American man got on the train and sat across the aisle from Tela. He was with two older couples - I couldn't tell if they were family or friends or what. From what I gathered, he is living in Madrid and they were out to visit.

He was VERY good looking. But I was by the window and Tela was sleeping so I didn't talk to him. Then we got off the train and they ended up behind us in line for the bus. I almost asked where they were from when chaos ensued and I missed my chance. He went to see what was happening on the other bus while Tela spoke to the driver of the bus we were in line for. Turns out we wanted the other bus and they wanted the current bus.

Foiled again.

At the end of the day we end up back at the train station and in the cafe who do we see? The American. There was really no way to talk to him, based on the seating arrangement, so I was hoping he would sit next to us on the train home.

No such luck.

They were in a different car.

Then we ended up heading down to the Metro at the same time, but my type A personality had me walking at an extreme rate of speed and he and his group missed the Metro by like 45 seconds. He looked as upset as I felt.

All I can think about now is why I didn't initiate a conversation when I had the chance.

Let's Get Physical...Therapy

As you know, I CrossFit.

You know this because: 

So, way back in 2005 or something, I was in a golf cart accident with BFL in which we flipped a golf cart over on its side and my right ankle ended up under the bar. 

It was an altogether bad situation in which my foot/ankle looked like this at the end of the night. 

It actually got worse than that, but I quit taking pictures. I had a number of x-rays done, but there were no breaks or features and it eventually healed. (Though you can still kind of see the scar from where the bar burnt me.)

So, since then I've had a few problems with my ankle. Nothing serious, just knew it was there if you know what I mean.

There are certain movements in CrossFit that are worse than others and my pistols are pretty bad because of a lack of flexibility of that ankle.

Additionally, in the last three months or so, I've kind of had a nagging pain in my right hip/lower back area. 

So, I decided to break down and see someone about it.

That someone happened to be the hot coach at the gym. Who also happens to be a doctor of physical therapy.

I didn't think anything was seriously wrong, but I was hoping he could recommend a few stretches and we could work out a program that will get me back in top form. 

So flash forward to last week. I show up at the gym for my session and meet up with the coach. (Did I mention he's hot?!?!)

I know him well enough that I'm not uncomfortable talking to him, but I also don't mind it when he takes his shirt off.

He's also like 8 years younger than me, but that is neither here nor there.

We get the session started with a short assessment. I explain to him the issues, he has me do a couple of exercises. He asks me to walk away from him and then walk back towards him.

I do that. When I get back to him he says, "How are you with running?" I ask, "Like as far as pain?" He says, "Yes. I know you're a very good runner." I melt into a puddle on the floor. (I just love it when people compliment my semi-athletic abilities.)

(In other news one of the guys at the gym told me this morning that I'm very impressive with power and agility movements. I open-mouth kissed him. Just kidding. But I did blush.)

So, then we go back to his "office" where he asks me to lay on the table, face up. I follow his instructions, and as is customary for me when I lay down, I close my eyes. He messes with my ankles, stretches out my legs, moves around a little, no big deal.

Then, without any warning whatsoever, he moves up to basically push on the edges of my pelvis.

Now I want you to stop right here and take a minute to familiarize yourself with where exactly that is on your own body. 

Now I want you to think about the last time someone touched you there without warning.

Now I want you to imagine he looks like this:

So, I made it through that. He had me get off of the table and do a couple more exercises. Then he told me to get back on the table, laying on my stomach, with my toes hanging off the edge of the table.

Fine. I can manage this.

He starts again stretching out my ankles. Then he is feeling my calf muscles. Things are going great.

Then he moves up to my spine and kind of massages up to the middle of my back and then pops my back. Nice.

Then...he touched the butt.

Seriously, all I could think about was that line on Nemo when he touches the boat and the little baby octopus says, "He touched the butt, he touched the butt."

At this point, I don't even know what is happening. He kind of rolls the top of my pants down and I assume he is going to massage my lower back/hip area. 

Then he asks, "Are you on any medication? Blood thinners or clotting meds?"

Uh, no.

"How's your blood pressure?"

Normally? Or right now after you touched my butt?

Then we moved into a dry-needling session, which was mostly awesome, and then there was a soft tissue massage on my calf muscles.

I told one of the girls that goes to 5 am with me that I almost felt like I needed to pay extra.

From the Mouths of Babes

Last week I spent a lot of time over at Amachi and Haytachi's house with PapaBear. 

Behind their house is where my Haytachi did all of his work. He has tools, scrap wood, nails, screws, locks, furniture, just about anything you could imagine. 

Most of the stuff, we have no idea where it came from.

One day Tiny said to Sissy, "Mom, I thought of an idea."

Now, when Tiny says something like that, you really never know what is going to come next. It could be anything from dinosaurs to tractors to aliens.

So, with a little hesitation she said, "Yes, Tiny?"

He said, "We could just get a whole bunch of ladders and tape them all together and then maybe we could reach all the way up to Heaven to see Haytachi."

And you know, I bet Haytachi smiled down and said, "That's my boy."

Vaya Con Dios

Part of the grieving process includes sitting around and telling stories. 

And there are more than enough stories to be told about my Haytachi.

When asked for my favorite, I can't choose just one.

Today, I was at Amachi's house with PapaBear and some others and we were looking at pictures I had found. In the pictures were Sissy, PapaBear, Haytachi, and me at Disneyland. Sissy and I couldn't have been more than 4 and 3 years old, respectively. 

PapaBear asked me if I remembered the trip, and I'm not sure I remember that trip specifically, but I do remember a trip to the San Diego Zoo when he was feeding cigarettes to the monkeys.

PapaBear laughed and said that he was horrible at a zoo. He was always trying to get you to feed the animals whatever you had. If you were holding an ice cream cone he'd say, "Give the gorilla that ice cream cone, see if he'll eat it."

I can remember him taking Sissy and I to the local western store to let us pick out our first pairs of cowgirl boots. According to Papa, we earned them by helping to gather some wild cows at our desert ranch. I don't remember that day as much, but I remember walking through the store and looking at the boots.

I got an email from a friend today and she said, Some men are not cut out for a "long goodbye," it goes against everything that made them the great men we loved them for being. I consider it an amazing testament to the men they were and the life they lived for God to show them such mercy, allowing them to leave this earth with their dignity.

I honestly couldn't have said it better myself. 

Beware of the Danger

My grandfather passed away last night.

It was unexpected.

It happened quickly and with no pain.

I know that I should take comfort in knowing that he is in Heaven, probably fixing fences and bossing crews around, but it hurts.

For me, mourning is like a title fight that I am unprepared for. And just when I think its over and I'm back on my feet, it deals another left hook that takes me to my knees.

And it's crazy things - things like pulling into the gas station at the local grocery store and realizing that I'll never again run into him in the parking lot or the coffee shop inside.

Or knowing that I'll never drive past their house again and see him out there tinkering with some old equipment he found.

Just looking at that picture above knocks the wind out of me.

There is no doubt that my siblings, cousins, nieces, nephews and I have been abundantly blessed to have so many great years with him. 

To know that yesterday he worked all day. Spent the day outside doing the things that he loved to do. Went inside and ate a delicious dinner, then went peacefully to be with the Lord as he was drifting off to sleep.

The memories that we all have of him, that were shared today among family and friends, will always be ours.

He will always live in our hearts and spirits.

He taught every one of us the joy of living. Of putting in a hard day's work. He has left a legacy that will reach into generations that I will never meet.

But right now my heart is cracked and the healing process my be excruciating.

What Becomes of the Broken Hearted?

Tiny is a master at charm. Seriously, that kid can make a face that will melt your heart in a second. Render you unable to tell him "no."

He also happens to be a wizard with an iPad. Months ago he learned how to FaceTime the family.

A couple of weeks ago, he FaceTimed Match because his mom left him at home when she went to pick up Biggie and he was upset and wanted Match to call Sissy and lecture her.

So Match did it. I'm telling you, this kid is an expert at getting what he wants.

Recently, he has picked up the art of iMessaging. So from his mom's iPad he can send messages - to SuperFan, to me, to anyone in her address book with iMessaging capabilities.

He can only spell a handful of words, but he does know how to capture himself on video and send it.

While I was in DC for work last week, he tried to FaceTime me, but I was in a meeting. When I got back to my room and called him back he was crying when he answered. Like real, big tears crying.

I asked him what was wrong and he responded, "My mama cracked my heart."

It was all over - had I not been a five hour flight away, I would have been on my way to save him. It broke - I mean cracked - my heart. 

A Month of Wonders

Mostly wondering where in the world I have been...

It has been nearly a month since I hit the "publish" button at the top of this page, but certainly not a month since I typed out words. Oh well, the past is the past and let's move forward.

Today is Ash Wednesday. I have toyed with what my Lenten commitment would be this year. I thought about giving up alcohol, chips and salsa, sweets, etc. But then Match sent me a link with some thoughts and one stood out to me.

And since I think that it is far better to be positive than negative, I have decided that this year for Lent, I will spend time each of the 40 days writing a letter to someone who has positively impacted my life.

I have written about it before and I am going to practice what I preach. When I think something nice about someone, I'm going to say it. So this Lenten season I am going to say it in writing. To 40 people. 

Here goes nothing...

What's It Worth?

Everything comes with a cost.

Everything.

We don't always think about it, especially when the benefit far outweighs the cost. But there is a cost.

I've been thinking a lot about cost lately.

The cost of starting my own business has been added stress and an extreme decline in my social life. To date, I feel like it has been worth it. I really do love cooking for people.

About four months ago, at the urging of Match, I started seeing a naturopathic doctor. She has been wonderful. At my first appointment she asked me to go on a fairly restrictive diet (I don't use the term as if I'm on a "diet," but rather as a definition of the food I eat) for eight weeks - we were trying to figure some things out and it was a good way to answer some questions. I was pretty good about sticking to it, with a few very rare exceptions. I didn't count calories, but I stuck to the foods that she asked me to stick to and I lost five pounds.

At the follow-up appointment she said that I should stay on the general plan that we had discussed previously. There were a few exceptions, but for the most part, this would be the diet that I would live with for the foreseeable future.

I haven't done as well since that first eight weeks. I don't want to give up things that I love.

I eat fairly well. Little to no processed food. Almost no sugar. A variety of vegetables. A fair amount of protein. 

I like my coffee though, and I'm not willing to give it up. I need to have the occasional hamburger (on a lettuce wrap). And I'm not going to live the rest of my life without sweet potato fries.

The other day I was reading an article regarding diet changes reversing and healing certain neurological disorders. It got me to thinking, if I had one of these issues and giving up these foods would reduce or eliminate my symptoms, could I do it?

And I guess you never really know until you are in that situation, but I'd like to think that I would.

The same is true for anything in life that is not making you better. Why do we keep the things that bring us down?

Losing Myself

I texted Big T this morning, I'm afraid I'm becoming cynical and untrusting.

I've had a rough week.

2014 is not starting the way I hoped it would and I feel like my soul is slowly dying.

I don't want to be angry and cynical. I like the loving and caring Airplane. The one who laughs all the time. Who believes that people are inherently good. 

The truth is, I don't think I really thought about what starting a business was going to do to my life. 

I have so little time to do anything.

I have taken on more responsibility at work because I need mental stimulation and job security, but it probably wasn't the best time to do that, as I am trying to start a business.

A business that is pretty close to the tipping point of either stopping growth or taking the next step.

I need to write a business plan. But I can't even find 10 minutes to write a blog. 

It turns out that 2014 is probably going to be the year that I finally learn how to say no to the things that are not priorities.

I'm afraid that those are the things I've been wasting a lot of time on.

Someone told me that they thought it was a sign of growth. I feel like that is a nice way to say that I'm getting old and grumpy.

Tonight I was sitting at my desk taking care of some computer work and I started organizing some of the piles of crap that have been scattered around since getting the new desk and I found a book that I started writing quotes in at least eight years ago and I came across a quote that spoke to me.

"Most great men and women are not perfectly rounded in their personalities, but are instead people whose one driving enthusiasm is so great it makes their faults seem insignificant."

~Charles A Cerami

I want my driving enthusiasm to be great! I want to change the world. I want to be a person that people look at and say, "Because of you, I believed." "Because of you, I went out on a limb." "Because of you, I chose my destiny."

I feel like I'm running out of time.

Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Can't Lose

A friend of mine was in town this weekend and stopped by my house for a visit.

He grew up in my hometown and currently lives in DC - we'll call him JFK*.

And he is HILARIOUS!

So we were sitting in my living room chatting about his dating life and the following things were said:

JFK (While talking about a girl he is not interested in that a friend is trying valiantly to set him up with): She's just very simple. Like she would drink White Zinfandel.

(While discussing Tinder):

Me: Isn't that a super shady deal?

JFK: I've actually met some really nice girls on Tinder.

Me: Come on?

JFK: No, seriously. Like some legit Christian girls. Of course my roommate is also on it and he isn't meeting those kinds of girls.

Then he proceeds to tell me a story about a girl that his roommate started chatting with on Tinder when he was in an airport somewhere. They didn't actually meet, but she ended up in DC to visit some friends a couple of weeks later and she and her friends went to their house. 

So JFK comes back from a night at the bar with 7-11 nachos and gatorade and these strange girls are in his house. And he says to me, "You know you're in bad shape when a guy with 7-11 nachos and a gatorade is judging you."

It appears the bad dating stories are nationwide.

Randomly Catching Up

Where oh where have I been?

I think Papa is close to disowning me for all of the days he has come to this page only to find the same sad post as the day before.

For all I know, he (and all of you) has quit even coming to this page in the hopes of a new blog post. 

It's just that I started this business and it is taking up a lot of time and growing at a rate that I wasn't expecting. And since I cancelled my cable and thought that I would have all of this time to sit at my computer and write, I have actually started reading all of the books that piled up last year while I was killing brain cells watching mindless television. (That doesn't mean I don't still enjoy some television, just not the volume that I was taking in before.) (And to be honest, it's not like I'm reading some spectacular literature, I like to go back and forth between cheesy romance novels and things with substance.)

And I was still feeling a little blah from overindulging during the holidays. My cravings for sugar were at an all-time high and I was just barely getting it back together. So I decided to do a juice cleanse. And you know what I discovered? 

Juice cleanses are not so awesome for people who aren't really into juice.

Seriously, I've never been a juice drinker. (Thanks, Match!) I mean, as we may have discussed in the past, I don't even really like fruit all that much. So why would I like juice? 

Either way, I'm hopefully back on track now and the sugar cravings will cease.

We'll see.

The Smalls children are with Match and Papa for the weekend while their parents are gallivanting on some island and today Tiny was running around the house (inside and outside) with no shoes or socks on. 

So Match asked him, "What is your aversion to shoes and socks, Tiny?"

He responded, "I like bears, so I like to be barefoot outside."

I swear we live in one of those AT&T commercials.

How's Your Love Life?

A couple of weeks ago, I was talking to Match on my way in to work and she said that Granny B needed me to call her.

Match: You know Granny B's Democrat friend? Well, Granny B made her some sweet and spicy pickles and as a thank you, she brought over one of those three crockpot warming things. Granny B asked if I wanted it, but I just can't store another thing so she wants to see if you need it before she offers it to anyone else.

Me: Oh. I could maybe use that. If this food thing takes off and I start catering. (Yes, I'm crazy.)

Match: Ok, call her and tell her. She wakes up at 7.

Me: It's 7:05, I'll wait until a little later to call her.

The day goes on, I forget to call. 2:30pm rolls around and I yell, "OH SHIT!" out loud in my office. I just remembered to call Granny B.

So I pick up the phone and call her. After I relay to her that my mom told me to call her this morning, but I thought it was too early and then I just yelled, "Oh Shit!" in my office, she proceeds to tell me about why she needed me to call.

Granny B: Do you know my black friend?

Me: (suppressing hysterical laughter) Yes, I think I do.

Granny B: Well, I gave her some pickles and she thought she had to get me something in return. I just hate it when people do that. And it's one of those…oh, you know…well, I can't explain it.

Me: Do you just want me to come by the house and look at it?

Granny B: Oh, that would be great!

We settle on Sunday around 10:45 to give me time to deliver the air hockey table to the Big T house.

Sunday rolls around and Granny B calls right about the time I am unloading said air hockey table so I miss her call. She leaves a message asking if I want to go to Olive Garden for soup and salad. Obviously, I can not say no to this woman.

So I finally make it to her house and we get in the car to go to the OG. On the way there, in typical Granny B fashion, she says, "Do you know if there is a baby store around here?"

Me: What are you looking for?

Granny B: Well, I need one of those seats like they have at the Macaroni Grill for kids to sit in.

Me: Like a booster seat?

Granny B: Yes. BabyBunner is going to at the house for Christmas Eve and I need one for him.

So I tell her that there is a Babies'R'Us near the OG and we can swing in after lunch. Though I'm suspicious that she knew that and was just tricking me into thinking it was my idea.

We are sitting at lunch, waiting on our salads to arrive:

Granny B: So, how's your love life?

Me: Nonexistent.

Granny B: So a lot like mine?

Yes, Granny B, please do remind me that my love life is so lame that it rivals that of a 90-year-old woman. That makes me feel good about myself.

Then she proceeds to tell me that if I went out to places where you could meet men maybe I would have a boyfriend. I ask her what she means. She says, "Well, they aren't just going to show up at your house."

We make it through the rest of lunch, hit up Babies'R'Us, get in the car to head home when she asks me if I'm in a hurry. I assure her that I have a little time and ask what she needs. To go to the dollar store to buy some buckets.

Yesterday, Tiger and I were driving back from a basketball game in Tucson and he asks me if she still drives. I tell him that she does, but that I don't think she likes to because she is always tricking Match, Xou Xou, SuperFan, and me to take her on her errands. Then I proceed to tell him the above story and he says, "Is it really tricking you if you know it's coming?"