What Not To Say

In my next life I am going to create a series of classes to teach men what not to talk about on dates.

Oh, and how to read social cues.

I think I told you previously about a date I went on way back when and the guy talked about installing a dishwasher. 

Don't get me wrong, I'd like a guy who can do some of those handy things around the house, but let's save that scintillating conversation for date #2 or 3.

I've been on a few dates in the past couple of weeks and I have encountered a few things that I really feel like I need to share.

Date 1: A blind date with a software engineer. Who could not make conversation.

Seriously, I would ask a question - for example, so, do you get out to DC often to visit your sister?

He would respond, no.

Ok, would you like to expand? Or maybe ask me a question?

At one point, after I had asked probably 5-8 questions that he had answered in a similar way, he asked, What about you?

What about me, what? Do you want me to answer all of the questions I have posed for you? Just the last one?

That was until he told me that he was preparing to travel out of the country soon. And then talked to me for 15 minutes about if I was ever planning to travel out of the country, the Capital One Visa was the way to go.

And discussed with me all of the pros and cons of that particular credit card.

Seriously?

And he didn't even work for them - he worked for Wells Fargo...

Date 2: A date with a gentleman who chose to communicate with me during an eHarmony free communication weekend.

There were some yellow flags before I agreed to go on the date with him, but Sissy and Match told me that I need to stop finding reasons not to date people, so I agreed to meet for lunch.

His initial blow was dealt when he showed up in these shoes:

Wow, having just googled "mens velcro sandals" to find that picture, I discovered that those shoes cost $75. For the record, men, they are not worth it!

Just say no!

The date was awkward, but I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt and I texted him when I got home to say thanks for lunch and that I enjoyed myself.

He texted back, nothing profound. I texted Monday morning (see, trying to be nice and encourage communication). Tuesday I was at dinner with Diddy and he called. I didn't have time to get back to him that night.

The following morning he texted - I'm attaching a screen shot of the text so you can see exactly how it was typed:

While I agree that it is very nice for him to communicate so well, the neediness that is the undertone of this text makes me want to stab my eyeballs out! 

I don't do needy.

I did call him back on Wednesday to give him the second chance he asked for. He did not redeem himself.

Needless to say, this has fizzled out.

Date 3: A blind date with an engineer. 

In a quiet restaurant where he frequently talked too loud! And told me no less than three times what grocery stores could be found in Omaha, NE and also near his house on the east side of the Phoenix metro area. And asked me what grocery stores were close to my house.

Grocery stores, people.

I know that I show everything on my face and I am fairly certain that my face was not showing interest at a listing of grocery stores.

Also, he started talking about bad parts of town (in Omaha) and how it was where the African Americans lived.

(Remember how I said he talked too loud in a quiet restaurant?)

I was mortified.

Did you ever see the Sex and the City episode where Charlotte goes on a date and runs into Carrie? The date is not going well so she asks Carrie to call her to tell her something bad happened. And she answers the phone and literally says, "Oh no, something bad happened?"

I was wishing for that phone call.

When I got back to Match's house after the date, Biggie asked me, "The date didn't go good?" I told him it did not.

Biggie: You didn't like him?

Airplane: No

Biggie: What did he look like?

Where did that even come from?

Match told the boys that my problem is that I'm too picky.

But I get to be. This is the rest of my life we are talking about. I'm not going to subject myself to grocery store talk for the better part 60 years just to be in a couple.