No Easy Way

Before we get into today's post - please tell me that you all watch New Girl on Fox! Seriously, if you don't, stop reading and go rent any of the seasons that are available, stream this season on your Netflix or Hulu, do whatever you have to do to watch this show!

In my humble opinion, it is the best show on television. I was literally in tears watching last night's episode. Honest. I freaking love it!

Now back to the topic at hand...

Yesterday one of the women I work with popped her head into my office and said, "Wow, girl! You are losing a ton of weight - you look great! You have to tell me your secret!" 

I said, "No secret. Just working out and watching what I eat."

For the record, I hate the term, "watching what I eat." It's stupid.

Do you know what else I hate? When people say, "are you allowed to eat that?"

I'm allowed to eat whatever I want. I am a grown ass woman. I make the choices that I want to make.

I can eat whatever I want as long as I am prepared to deal with the consequences of those decisions. 

Sometimes I make bad decisions. Sometimes I make questionable decisions. For the most part, I'd like to think that I make good decisions and that is what counts.

My goal is to CrossFit four times a week. Does it always happen? No. But I don't beat myself up about it when I don't make it. I just take it one day at a time.

It kills a little part of my soul every time I hear a commercial about a new product that is going to help you lose weight fast. 

You guys, that may work for the time that you are taking it, but it is highly unlikely that you will be able to take it forever.

The 500 calorie/day diet? Yeah, I bet you're going to lose a shit ton of weight. But you can't live like that.

There is only one way to lose weight and be healthy - diet and exercise. And not diet in the term you think of. Diet in the sense of what you eat. Change your life and your habits.

Start by changing one meal a day. Once that becomes second nature, throw in another meal.

It's not easy. I'll never tell you it is.

But I will tell you that it is worth it!

Sixteen Things That I Need to be Reminded of Daily

Today, in honor of Miscellany Monday, which I haven't participated in in some time, a random list, in no particular order, of things that I should remind myself of from time to time. This list is by no means comprehensive.

1. Never apologize for being you. Your likes, dislikes, hobbies, and personality are yours alone. Some people will like them. Others will hate them. It is not your job to make the second group of people join the first. Enjoy being the person you are, doing the things that make you happy.

2. It's ok to cry. Sometimes a good cry is all you need. Just do it. But once you're done, wipe the tears and move on. There are very few things and even fewer people who are worth your time after they've made you cry.

3. Being alone isn't the worst thing in the world. Don't get all crazy and never spend time with other people, but really enjoy the time you spend with yourself. Use it for reflection, writing, reading, cooking, whatever strikes your fancy at the time. There are going to be times in life when all you want is to be alone and you may not get that chance. Cherish the time when you have it.

4. Never settle. In anything. Never settle in love. Never settle for less than you deserve. Never settle for less than your best. Nothing is small enough to warrant settling. Keep pushing. Keep trying. Keep looking. It's out there. Reach for it.

5. Know when to say no. People will ask you to do things. People will ask you to say things. People will ask you to give things. It is ok to say no to the things you aren't willing and able to do/say/give. Don't torture yourself for others.

6. Know when to say yes. On the other hand, there are times when a situation will present itself to you and for whatever reason - fear, ability, sleep - you will want to say no - say yes. Some great things come from saying yes!

7. Surround yourself with people who make you want to be better. It is easy to spend your time with the people who are ok with your status quo. Or even who want to make you be less than you are. Stay away from those people. Find the people who make you come alive. Who challenge you to reach for your goals. Who hold your hand and say, "I'll walk out on the limb with you." They are precious and you will never regret a day spent with them.

8. Love yourself. Love every part of who you are. Embrace who you were, who you are, and who you will be. Cherish the bumps along the road that got you here. Know that you are constantly a work in progress, but also know that you are good enough just how you are.

9. Give yourself compliments. When you look in the mirror and think, "Damn, girl, you look good." Say it out loud! You put in the hard work, you should recognize it. Don't dwell on it and act better than others, but know that it is ok to think that you are beautiful and say it.

10. Tell others how you feel. If you love them - tell them. If what they do for you is great - tell them. If you think they smell good - tell them. It won't always be the easiest conversation, and the reaction may not always be what you want it to be, but you will feel better for having said it.

11. Laugh hysterically. Always. Laughter is the best medicine. Laugh at yourself. Laugh with your friends. Laugh with your family. Always, always laugh.

12. Pray. When things go right, pray. When you struggle, pray. When those around you need it, pray. You always feel better when you pray. Do it!

13. Respect your body, but have the dessert. You've learned a lot about your body over the course of 32 years. Some of it is hard to deal with. Respect what it tells you is good for it and avoid what it tells you is bad for it. But remember that life is short and sometimes it is ok to have the dessert. 

14. Expectations are what kill us. If you have expectations of people that they are unaware of, they can rarely live up to them and you will certainly be disappointed. 

15. Don't compare yourself to others. Everyone's circumstances are different, you can not compare yourself to another person fairly. 

16. Don't judge a book by its cover or a person by their clothes. You miss a lot of great stories by only focusing on outward appearance. Stop it. Stop it right now.

RSVP, Please…Via Email or Text

I may have mentioned to you before that we are having a 90th Birthday Party for Granny B on January 1.

There is some debate as to whether she will be turning 90 or 91 that day, but really, at that age does it really matter?

Either way, somehow I got volunteered to be the person to receive the RSVPs. I had kind of forgotten about agreeing to that job until I answered my phone the other day to a number I wasn't familiar with.

Me: Hello?

Old Lady: Is this Airplane?

Me: Yes.

OL: Oh, hi. This is Isabelle. I got Granny B's birthday invitation. We used to spend a lot of time together. We had so much fun. Us and that other lady. I can't think of her name. Do you know her name?"

Me: Umm…was she from Buckeye?

OL: What? Oh, yes. Buckeye. Do you know her name?

Me: Ummm…was it Fran?

OL: Yes! That was it. How is Fran?

Me: She's good. (I really have no idea.)

That conversation went on for like 15 more minutes in which we had to talk about finding a zip code, her broken rib, my grandfather, and how she won't make it to the party (and her rib won't heal).

I called Match after I hung up and told her she was probably going to owe me a bottle of vodka for making me be the RSVP contact.

And I've stopped answering my phone for numbers I don't know.

New Rules

I interviewed for a new job on Monday.

It couldn't have gone better.

Seriously - I ROCKED it!

But I didn't get the job.

Not a lot of people knew that I was applying and interviewing for this job, but there were a handful of them.

Some of those, I told right away. Others asked how the interview went today and I had to break the news.

Nearly every person said the same thing. Some variation of, "Wow - their loss."

And let me tell you - that's nice to hear.

Rodney Carrington has a comedy bit about funerals, it goes something like:

"Funerals are awkward…They always try to make you feel better by saying, 'He's gone to a better place.' Well what if he was an asshole? What do you say then? Shouldn't have buried him in the sweater…"

So I got to thinking, were people just saying the job interview version of "He's gone to a better place?" 

I hope not.

Running My Life So It Doesn't Run Me

I'm a control freak.

I will never deny that.

It is one of the reasons that I am risk-adverse. I like controlling the end. It is comfortable.

For me, there is nothing more comforting than a detailed schedule.

(Okay, maybe some things are more comforting…)

I love to know how much time I have to do what I have to do and where I have to be when that is over. 

I run my life.

Earlier this year, I actually thought about calendaring my life down to the half hour.

That's crazy, people.

But I thought about it.

I like structure.

I run my life.

But even when I act like I'm in complete control, it is a ruse.

The truth is, if I were in complete control, I would say 'no' to the things that I don't have time for.

I would find time to do the things that are on my "someday" list.

I would cancel my cable and blog and read and keep an immaculate house.

I would run more. And eat better.

I would spend less. And budget perfectly.

I'm far from perfect, but I am trying.

Burn, Baby, Burn!

Janiac and I getting ready to start the day

I am currently on an extended vacation with Janiac in California.

I can't recall if I've mentioned it, but she get angry because typically when I come to visit her, it is for an event and I'm not in town very long and apparently there are lots of things that she wants to show me.

At least twice I visited her while she lived in Paso Robles and she wanted to take me wine tasting, but inevitably we had a little too much to drink the night before and wine was not really the first thing we wanted.

So we scheduled a trip. A very long trip.

One of the other things that she really wanted to do was to show me her family's ranch.

On Sunday morning, we set off from Hanford to Paso. We had plans to wine taste and then head out to the ranch for the night, because on Monday, there was scheduled to be a prescribed burn on the ranch and we were "the help."

We managed to successfully taste wine at one place before getting distracted with shopping and heading out to the ranch.

Monday morning, we woke up, had breakfast, and began moving vehicles and equipment for the fire. 

Let me back up for a moment.

When Janiac was in Arizona a couple of weeks ago she received a text from her mom asking if she would be around on a couple of specific dates because they were scheduling this burn and needed help. 

The dates were Nov. 8 and 11. Janiac said that Nov. 8 wouldn't work because I was flying in on the evening of the 7th and we wouldn't be able to get to the ranch in time.

Unfortunately for us, they went ahead and scheduled the burn for that day.

On Friday, we were sitting at the house and Janiac gets a text from her sister, "Burn cancelled. Bulldozers, prisoners, and two helicopters headed to Toro Creek."

Wait, what?

Helicopters? Prisoners? What are we in for? 

Jane says, "I thought this was the 15 guys from the fire camp down the road with some shovels."

I replied, "Apparently that would be like bringing a knife to a gun fight."

Only a portion of the equipment that would be used throughout the day

Pre-burn briefing

After the briefing with all of the crews, Janiac and I headed up to where the fire was supposed to start with a couple of other folks. They laughed at me when I got nervous about driving into the fire. I was like, I don't know if you've noticed, but those guys up there - they are wearing fire suits. We are wearing jeans and t-shirts. If the fire happens to get out of control, we are going to have some troubles.

Lucky for us, the fire did not get out of control, but we headed back down to the camp around lunch time to help put lunches together for the ranchers who had volunteered to help. Once they were ready, we got into the Polaris with Janiac's mom to deliver them. 

So into the fire we went again. This time, I wasn't as scared.

We were about halfway through delivery when we stopped to talk to one of the fire fighters and he was telling us that they had the perimeter pretty well burnt, but since the fire wasn't carrying well, they were going to start using the heliotorch.

What is a heliotorch, you ask? Well, we had the same question.

Basically, the attach this tank to the bottom of the helicopter and it shoots out napalm and starts fires.

(I have a video of this awesomeness, but for some reason, blogger won't let me post it.)

For the remainder of the day, Janiac and I rode around with her mom surveying the fire. At one point, we went up to the highest point of the fire to get the best view possible.

The day ended with a huge bbq for all of the firefighters, prisoners, and volunteers. We served over 100 people dinner, and were in bed by 8:30pm.

All Rise

You know that quote that like everyone has as their email signature?

"Don't judge another person. You never know what kind of battle they are fighting."

That may not be exactly how it goes, but you get the idea.

When I landed in Fresno earlier this week, Janiac asked me about my flight. It was pretty uneventful. Then she told me a story of the flight she took earlier in the week.

There was an older woman sitting next to her, and a young woman with a very small child behind them. By all accounts, the child was struggling with the plane ride (and probably traveling in general). The woman sitting next to Janiac was making very loud and very rude comments about the behavior of the child, and pontificating how the woman must be a bad parent because of it. Going so far as to say that she probably shouldn't fly until she can get her child under control.

This story upset me. That woman didn't know the situation in which the younger lady was traveling for. There could be a million reasons for the travel. A family wedding. A funeral. A final visit with an aging grandparent who would meet her child for the first and last time.

I'm not saying I have never judged someone without knowing the situation. I hope that I have never spoken so rudely about someone within their earshot, but I honestly can't tell you that is even the case.

In general, I try to understand people. It is part of my nature to want to know them. I want to hear their stories. Know their fears. Celebrate their accomplishments.

So when someone does something different than me. I try to understand why. What in their life makes them the way they are.

I watched the following video from TedxBoulder and it really got me thinking. 

When she says, "There is no harder. There is just hard," it resonated with me. Why do we insist on comparing our trials with those of others? And say that what we are going through is worse than what they are going through? Or even worse, discount what we are going through because it isn't as bad as theirs?

Each one of our battles is hard. It is hard because of the effect it has on our life.

Each one of our accomplishments is great. It is great because we overcame something and made it. 

Stop comparing. Stop judging. Just comfort and celebrate when someone calls on us to be that for them.

We've Turned the Page. Actually, We Are In a Whole New Section of the Library

As I previously mentioned, I went to visit Granny B the other day.

As you've read in the past, Granny B has been known to point out my flaws, or what she perceives my flaws to be. 

All of the reasons why I can't get a boyfriend, etc.

So this week we are sitting at her kitchen table and she basically tells me that any man who doesn't like me is either an idiot or gay. Possibly both.

I didn't even know what to say.

So she begins to tell me this story that her niece told her.

Her niece had a friend who dated a guy for a long time in college and they got along great and had good times together, and arguably they loved each other, so they got married.

But he couldn't perform in the bedroom.

YES - my grandmother used the words, "he couldn't perform in the bedroom!"

To my face.

Sitting at her kitchen table. 

I almost died!

Either way, it turns out he was gay and they got a divorce.

Sad story.

My. Grandmother. Used. The. Words. "Couldn't. Perform. In. The. Bedroom."

You guys, I'm still traumatized!

But also very happy that she is no longer pointing out my flaws.

The Competition is Fierce

So I had to run by Granny B's house today. She had some stuff for me. Unimportant really.

As we were sitting at the kitchen table, we were talking about her Bridge Club. She was going to play after I left so I was asking her questions about it.

Before I get into that conversation, she is frequently telling me about a man in the Bridge Club who has a crush on her, or a woman in the BC who is mean to her because she thinks that Granny B is going to steal her husband. 

So I'm asking her about the goings on of BC.

Me: So, how long do you play?

Granny B: Well, we start about 6, or whenever everyone shows up and we play three rounds. It usually ends around 8. Or 8:30 or 9. Depending on how fast or slow play is.

Me: I see. Is there food and drink there too? Or is it just straight cards?

Granny B: Just cards. But there is this woman named Amanda and on Halloween she showed up in a cape with silver flowers on it. And she always brings food for the holidays. Like for Halloween she brought these cookies and when I was leaving she said, 'Granny B, don't forget to get a cookie.' I don't need a damn cookie.

But during Christmas she'll go to town and get something good like baklava or something.

Once I brought my Texas sheet cake and the men loved it. I'm going to bring a Texas sheet cake next week. I'll tell them tonight so they'll expect it.

I hope Amanda doesn't bring any food next week.

Dear Diary

As you may know, I watch the TV show Biggest Loser. One of the parts of the show that I love is when the trainers work with the contestants to get to the issues that have gotten them to this point.

A couple of weeks ago, Dolvett had one of his contestants write letters to her family and friends forgiving them for the pain that they have caused in her life. 

###

Dear Society,

For 32 years, I have let you tell me what beauty is.

I have watched your perception of beauty tear people apart.

I have hated myself.

Cried myself to sleep.

Wanted to be anyone but me.

Today I change that.

Today I know that beauty is more than what a person looks like.

Beauty is found in strength - both physical and mental.

Beauty is found in joy.

Beautiful is one word with a million definitions.

Beauty is confidence.

Confidence to know that who I am is enough.

That who you are is perfect.

That what we can be is positive.

I forgive you for luring me into the trap that made me think I wasn't good enough.

I forgive myself for falling for your manipulations.

Starting today I will stand up for beauty, in all forms.

I will remind everyone around me that each of us is so much more than we see in the mirror.

That the most beautiful accessory a person can wear is their smile.

I am better than judging a person by their looks.

You are better than that.

We are better than that.

Let's change the conversation.

Let's focus on the positive.

Let's make people realize their worth does not lie in their ability to fit into a smaller pair of jeans, but in their ability to make the world a better place.

Society, I believe in you.

Will you believe in me?

Sincerely,

A Very Strong and Beautiful Me

I Fell Down the Stairs

No, really.

I fell down the stairs at Sissy's house.

Judging by the reaction of her friend's daughter and the multiple bruises on my backside, it wasn't a graceful fall.

I don't really know how it happened. One minute I was walking down the stairs, the next: my life was flashing before my eyes. 

Maybe not quite that dramatic, but it did seem like the world went into slow motion and the bottom of the staircase was a long ride down.

I don't really know why I told you that story.

I'd like to tell you it's because I wanted to tell you that no one is perfect.

Or that we have to laugh at ourselves.

But really, I just wanted to tell you that I fell down the stairs and I survived to tell the story.

I Had a Breakthrough. A Breakdown? No, a Breakthrough.

**I started this post a couple of weeks ago and didn't get very far. It was a hard post to write, but in light of recent happenings, it is at the front of my mind again. So here it is - old and new meshed together in one.**

Sometimes I think I live my life in movie quotes.

Seriously, if you say something that even remotely resembles a quote from a movie that I have watched, I can't help but start speaking in movie lines.

Often times, my work bestie seems to be the only one who understands what I'm talking about, but I can't stop.

It occurred to me recently that people may be taking advantage of my friendship. That while I may seem to have a tough exterior, I am actually pretty sensitive and I do have feelings.

I probably talk about my feelings more than most people, but the truth is, it's usually the positive feelings that I talk about. When I hurt, I tend to keep it inside.

Healthy? Probably not.

Reality? Absolutely.

So, I had a breakthrough - slowly eliminate the people from my life who do not appreciate me. 

Those people who only want to be my friend when it is convenient for them.

Those people who seem to take more than they give. 

Ultimately, think about me first.

Make sure that the relationships that I have are serving me too. 

Sounds easy.

It's not.

Once again, I'm not as tough as I appear. I don't like to hurt people. I don't like to be mad at people. I don't like to lose friends.

But at what point is enough enough? When do you decide that the joy you get from a person isn't worth the hurt you get from them?

November Nattering

Way back in college - which was at least ten years ago because I keep getting emails from my alma mater telling me that this year is my 10-year reunion (which can't be right since I'm still only like 26 years old) - Bridezilla and I decided that November was our month.

I honestly can't remember why now, but we must have had a bad October, and decided that November would be better so we deemed it OUR  month.

(For the record, I think I just remembered why - I'll have to consult with her on that…)

So, when I woke up at 2:27am on Nov. 1, because I was sleeping on the couch at a friend's house and I'm a stomach-sleeper and couches aren't really conducive to stomach-sleeping, the first thing I thought was, "It's officially November. This is my month!"

And I wanted to text Bridezilla, but I thought that would be ridiculous at that time of the morning, so when she texted me closer to a reasonable hour to say, "It's officially our month!" I just got super happy.

 I know that on Facebook, people post one thing they are thankful for every day, but I'm not going to do that here.

In honor of MY month - I am going to post every day. Some days it may be something I'm thankful for. Some days it may just be something I want to say. Some days…it may be a funny story.

But since writing is one of my passions, I am going to write during MY month. 

Enjoy it.

Or don't.

It doesn't really matter all that much to me.