The Patience of a Saint

Day 3...

As Match will say when I talk to her later, five more sleeps.

Let's just take a moment here so that I can be sure that all of you fully understand what I am dealing with.

I am with grandmother 24/7 (or 24/8 in this case). We flew here together, we sit next to each other on the bus, we have every meal together, we share a hotel room. Ok, I guess we can knock it down to 22/7 because I did leave her to go to the gym last night and will do that again tonight for sanity's sake.

I know that all of you moms out there are thinking, "What's the big deal? That's what it is like with our children." Horse shit!

At least with children you expect needy behavior. You are equipped for it. You had nine months to prepare for it to come into your life and you have been living with it since they were born. Plus, they are children.

I live alone. I drive alone. I do things alone. I like alone.

I am fiercely independent (apparently the quality that is leading to me not having a boyfriend), I like to do things when I like to do them. Also, I am 31 years old. So when she says things like, "Do you need to go potty before we go?" I want to freaking scream!

If I need to go to the bathroom, I'll let you know. It has been quite some time since I wet my pants.

Sober.

Just kidding - I haven't wet my pants since childhood.

I forgot to tell you a story from yesterday - while we were at Plymouth Rock, one of the couples in our group apparently had a miscommunication on the time that we were supposed to arrive at the bus and they were a half hour late. During that time, the list of members of the tour group made the rounds of the bus so that everyone could write their cell number next to their name. That way if they got lost, our trusty tour guide could contact them and make sure everything was ok.

The list gets to our seat and I write my cell number down. She asks what I'm doing, I tell her and then I pass it to the next seat.

Granny B: Did you write my number down?
Me: Your phone is in the car.
Granny B: Yes, but don't you have the number in your phone?
Me: Yes, but your phone is in the car.
Granny B: I know, but you can get the number from your phone.
Me: I can, but if he called your phone looking for us because we were late for the bus, it would take a really long time to get back to him from your phone. In your car. At the airport in Phoenix.

Either she finally caught on to what I was saying, or she gave up, because the conversation stopped at that point.

Back to today.

One of the things that makes me the most crazy is that she just randomly shouts out things that are obvious. Ok, maybe shouts is the wrong word, but she doesn't really have an inside voice. (Ahem, SuperFan...) Yesterday in Boston, she just started reading out every sign she saw, including Chipotle Mexican Grill.

And she answers rhetorical questions from the Tour Guide - and I'm fairly certain it distracts him.

He'll be on the mic, chattering on about some interesting history fact and throw out a rhetorical question and she just says, "Yes."

Any time the Tour Guide says the words Kennedy or Clinton (which was a lot today!) she just says, "Yeees."

I'm waiting for her to start calling me Philomena.

Once we were on Martha's Vineyard we spent a majority of our time in Edgartown. It was a super cute community and we ate a nice lunch and walked in and out of lots of shops. She bought herself a little cotton outfit and a new purse.

So for those of you keeping score, that meant I was carrying three purses, two jackets, a backpack, and a shopping bag today.

She sure isn't complaining about these man arms now, is she?

There was a brief scare when I texted Match to let her know that there was something wrong with Granny B's right arm. She has trouble even holding her purse for a couple of seconds with it. She tells me it is arthritis, I think it is likely something more serious.

Match made me think it might be the sign of a stroke. I won't lie to all of you - I was scared. I started tearing up a little.

I think everything is fine, but I'll keep watching her.

(Sorry for that downer.)

When it was time to get back on the ferry, we got off of the bus and went to wait for our turn to board. She left her jacket on the bus, but decided it was cold and she needed it. So I had her sit down on a bench with all of the stuff and I ran back to the bus - the tour guide and bus driver (both fairly young males) were still on the bus and saw me coming. They opened the door and I climbed on saying, "She needs her coat. I need some whiskey."

They laughed and then told me that I have the patience of a saint. Ha! They have no idea that I have a pocket full of pills.

A couple of other notes:

She bought a new cookbook at the Methodist Gingerbread Cottage Store and there was a pie recipe recommended to her by the lady at the cash register. Don't worry, Match and XouXou, I checked - it doesn't include a whole lemon.

She meanders. Seriously, like totally unable to walk in a straight line. Also, she walks very slow. Like almost in reverse slow. And normally, I wouldn't care. But she is also like the most impatient person on the planet so she always wants to be off of the bus first. So even when our side is the second side to get off of the bus, there is at least half of a tour group of people we are traveling with behind us. And they move faster. And would like to get around her. But they can't. Because she is all over the freaking sidewalk. Seriously, I've never seen anything like it.

Tomorrow we leave the state of Massachusetts and head up to "The Breakers" in Rhode Island and then overnight in Mystic, CT.

I'll keep an eye out for Julia Roberts.